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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm not sure what to do here...I am divorced and recently got engaged to a new partner who is my soul mate. I have a teenage son who was introduced to her about 4 months ago. He likes her, but had a somewhat rough time dealing with the divorce and all the changes it brought, so I'm not sure when I should tell him about the engagement. I feel it may just be another huge thing to adjust to. My ex and I are enrolling him in counseling to deal with some of the changes that have caused him to become so withdrawn lately. Should I wait till this is underway? I'm also unsure about telling my ex about the engagement. She has a way of being difficult about my new relationship even though she says she has moved on. I don't want my happiness spoiled. She has primary custody, and I don't want her to get vindictive and try to prevent me from seeing him.The other part of the equation is that my family all know about the engagement, and I think my Mom in particular is asking about when I will tell my son. I think becuase she does not want it to slip that I am engaged...either to my son or my ex.
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divorce, engaged, my ex, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Was your divorce the result of your affair? Was there any third party involved on either side.
Is your divorce only 4 mnths old? Moving on too soon?
I think your young son has been traumatised by your divorce. Sine u have niow told everyone else exceopt his mum and himself, you better tell him befor someone else tells him your 'happy' news. I think it was inappropriate for u to tell the "whole world" first instead of your son first. Really awkward and very bad timing.
Oh and btW, plse also tell your ex wife because she will have to pick up the pieces when you drop your bombshell.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (6 June 2011):
 The truth comes out whether you want it to or not. Would you rather it come from you or someone else?Several things to consider here. 1-How long have you been divorced? That is a huge change and he needs to process all his feelings.2-How long have you been dating your new fiancee? Your son just met her 4 mos ago, so he has barely gotten used to the idea there is a new woman in your life. It is VERY common for kids to withdraw after a divorce. Many kids feel if Mom/Dad can stop loving the other parent, they will stop loving them too and they develop trust issues.3-Develop an attitude of Co-parenting with your ex and become strong allies for your child(ren). Take yourselves and your past relatioship out of it. (I know, easier said than done!) 4-Get over yourself about not wanting your happiness spoiled. Your happiness can not be spoiled if its the real deal.You are going to have to deal with your son's emotions and put up appropriate boundaries to the ex. However, she is entitled her own reaction/emotional process whether you agree with or not. She was once your wife,not a random stranger. Having feelings about your new partner is not a sign she is is'nt over you. New experiences need to be processed. You do not have to help her through her feelings/thoughts. 5-Know your rights as a parent and be responsible for your own relationship with your son. Spend time with him WITHOUT the woman in your life too.This will depend on his age and his own rights in your state. (Most states have laws where an older child decides for themselves to not be around a parent if they so choose). 6-Get started with your Son's counseling and as to privately speak with the counselor and let him/her know you are engaged and need guidance on when to best introduce the info to your son. Your counselor will get a better understanding of what is going on with him, get a feel for how you are as parents, and help you peice it altogether.It is better for all parties to get the truth out in the open as soon as possible. Even the best relationships have inconvieneces and yours will too. You have an emotional commitment to your son and your new fiancee will respect that it will not always be easy.Be happy in spite of it all..the only person who can really spoil it all..is you.
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