A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused and I just need some direction.I've been seeing this guy for about 10 months now and this is our second time around. After first 4 months into our relationship. He felt I didn't cared about him/relationship. And that he was tired and emotionally hurted and couldnt take the hurt any longer. After understanding where he was coming from and it's not I didn't cared, I just wasn't able to express them as much as he did and comfortable with public affaction. After not seeing eachother for 2 months. During these time, I felt so sorry for the way I made him feel and after talking. We got back together.I knew things wasn't going to be the way they were before. I don't know if I was trying too hard? but, second time around, I was feeling the things that he said he felt which made him to leave the first time. I can tell he is being more cautious (which I don't blame him) and feel like he wants to be in control with hs emotions and the relationship. First, things weren't as bad. He would keep intouch via phone calls/texts and texts things like "you are always invited". And when he was away on business for a week. He would call at least once every day just to talk. Then, I started to feel things are changing bit by bit. Yet, I can't really put my finger on what's changing. Nothing is clear or obvious. As far his how he does things around or with me hasn't changed. When we are out walking, he still reaches out first to hold my hand. When we spend times together at home watching movies. He keeps his hand on my leg or runs his fingers through my hair etc. And, when ever I visit. He is all smile and welcoming. So, Although none of things like that has changed, the obvious change is, lacking in communication. Lately, unless I call/text, I wouldn't hear from him for couple of days. And when I do text and add things like "missing you" to see his response, I would get a respond like "hey, nice to hear from you", and thats about it. I wasn't happy with the way I was feeling lately so instead of questioning and wondering. I decided to just go ahead and talk to him about it. I told him if he isn't happy in this relationship I would want to know and that I don't want to be thinking that I have wasted my time even a month down the road and same thing goes for him too. If things are going down hill and is going to end. Its better now than later. He tells me he is happy and that doesn't want this relationship to end. And it seem like I am the one with doubts and the one with the answer. And, everytime I talk to him, I end up feeling like, Am I the one with the problem? Am I the one making problems out of nothing??Now, Just last week. He left for a family vecation plus reunion sort of for whole week. Weeks before this vecation, He have said that I should come with him, But I had to work. A day before leaving (he changes his cell provider due to bad reception. He's been talking bout changeing it for few months). I joked and said if he is expecting an important calls. He says at least he would like to call and able to hear from me. Yet the next day as he was leaving and I said regards to keep in touch. He says, even with new provider reception goes in and out. So he left with his siblings. Next day. I decided not to brother him with calling or texting. Knowing the far drive and seeing whole families. I am sure he will be busy/occupied. Second day, I texted asking him if he is having good time and the drive wasn't too bad and that I'm missing him already. He response back with again, "Hey! nice to hear from you", I am doing fine". That's it. Later that night. I decided to text him once more and I did it to see a certain response (I hate myself even having to do such). I have told him that I may can take couple of days off (which is lie) and that if he can include me to his vecay (which he have offered previously) would be cool if not either way is cool and let me know what he thinks. I never heard back from him that night. Next day at work, during my break. I was going to text him but I decided to just call. So I did. He answered right away. Started talking about what hes been doing and I asked if he got my text? He tells me he did that morning. And that I should pass up this time. There are other relatives that are coming (which this was mentioned before) and capacity wise, no space and he doesn't like the fact I have to drive too far (about 7 hours). And that we can have a vecay just the two of us and spend time together. After that first phone convos. I don't hear from him for 2 days. So, since last Friday, he left. Other then two times I've texted and called him once. There were no communication. So I texted "Have u realize, you havent once called/texted since you left? little attention would be nice". And, he calls me within an hour and tells me he is heading back to the house after the outting with one of his brother. I told him how I was feeling. Because I was considering and him not seeing his whole family often and wanting to spend time. And put all that into consideration and more. The way he has been with communication, and he goes, "You are right" and that he is sorry. Cuz I had to get back to work. I asked for him to call me later and he goes, once he is back, he will be spending time with the families and have to meet deadline for his project. So,is why he was calling me then. Again, today is the second day since the convo. Haven't heard from him. I just can't help to feel his words are so contradicting. Am I going crazy? Am I the coo coo head? or he is providing the reason? I am just so confused. I am just thinking simple. No matter how busy one is. It doesn't take no more than 2 mins to call or text someone if that someone is in their mind and thought and care.....Am I wrong? He is coming back on Monday and honestly, part of me hope and want him to keep up with his non-communication. Because when I consider it done, I feel better and doesn't bother me but when I think of what's what, it stress me and takes me into this mood that I don't want to be.....I do apologize for such a long story. I just had to find a place to take some load off of my chest. And maybe, just maybe I might find the answer from someone out there.... Thank you.
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female
reader, cooListic kid  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Ok, well it sounds like in a way hes trying to pay you back from the first 4 months you dated. i have some issues with public affections and i had a wall up for so long because id been hurt so many times, but until i meet my boyfriend and for a good couple of months i was very guarded but he didn't just dismiss me. I think he was actually pretty determined to get my wall down even though i told him i was positive it could'nt happen, it's been 4 years and i couldn't be happier. As long as that was my point is he shouldn't have just dismissed you because had trouble expressing yourself.
Second time around he seems distant and as though he doesn't want to invest anytime in your "relationship". hes basically being a hypocrite and doing more so then what you did to him. Now the shoes on the other foot i don't think he sees why your upset even though at the time of him being upset you seemed to understand where he was coming from its as though hes emotionally blocking something out not that i can say what that thing might be. I don't think i would waste my time with him it doesn't seem like hes going to change even though you've talked about it with him numerous times. I really don't know how males minds work, but it seems hes just saying he knows how you feel when in reality he has no clue that's the thing with guys its easy for them to criticize but when the exact thing is happening to someone else they have no clue! I think hes just playing mind games! Yes you could see how things go but say after a year and he still hasn't changed, it's just a waste of when you could have been out there and being with someone who actually makes you happy and loved. As old as this line is maybe you should just tell him that your better off as friends and that may just be the case. were not all without our problems but in this situation its defiantly not you. its not worth feeling the way you do for this guy, standing your ground is all you can do and it seems to me you've done that! in the end you have to make your decision whether its some you want a long term relationship with? do the good weigh out the bad? is it someone you could see spending the rest of your life with? Remember to do what makes you happy! My final thought: "hey, nice to hear from you" a very lame reply!! I hoped I've helped a tiny bit and shed some light on a different point of view
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Let him have his vacation. Things sound like they are on a different footing because you have b roken up before, he could be more cautious this time. You must wait until he comes home and talk to him face to face. You may be being a bit paranoid because you cant see him. Hope this helps
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