A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am one of the largest persons in my office---the only other person larger than me is severely older, and doesn't interact much with the public or clients.I have a few co-workers who treat me differently, and talk down to me quite often. I am not a genius, but people do say that I am intelligent and that they don't often meet someone who has such varied interests, or who has opinions on so many different topics, issues, etc. I understand certain processes a bit better than most of my co-workers, and often provide them with help.I find people sometimes not being able to understand what I am saying. So, for clarity, I do sometimes over-explain things. I have often found that when I say something that is very clear, specific co-workers may be anticipating a completely different statement, and will chide me or be negative towards me about the statement, even though that wasn't what I said at all. Sometimes they seem so apprehensive about talking to me, that when I ask for help or clarity, they don't understand my question and are too quick to provide a completely incorrect answer for another question altogether. For example, I may ask my co-worker how to complete a certain task, and they will then tell me that the instructions for a completely different task are available in some other handbook. I find that some people at my job view my weight as somehow defining my intelligence. One co-worker often gets irritated with me. She is over me, so, I can't really talk to her about this topic. She has said words and descriptions about me that sounded more about stereotypical weight bias concerns, than anything grounded in fact. She described some of my actions, that, sounded like how you would describe the stereotypical overweight women in mass media. I am not as my co-worker describes, AND, when another co-worker acts in the same way, she finds their behavior funny or completely acceptable.Other than avoiding these co-workers, or losing weight (which I am doing), how can I gain their respect? One co-worker always talks to me very slowly. She is over me, so I can't exactly tell her how I feel. She never seems to understand my questions, and both co-workers don't seem ready to admit that perhaps they could do more to be clearer in their initial explanations of things, so that I do not have to return to them for additional information or instructions.The bosses are very close with these co-workers, and all of the instances of the weight bias are very small, but consistent, so I do not feel I could talk to my bosses about this. I just feel so beat up upon at times. I feel as if I am doing my best to shine and do the right things, and yet, I keep getting beat down or talked to like I am a complete idiot. This treatment also prevents me from being considered as someone capable of learning more, advancing, etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI apologize as I don't think my initial question was very clear.
I do not correct my co-workers, and especially not my bosses. I do ask for information as at times, the instructions are either absent or very unclear.
All of the suggestions about being friendly, food, support, I already do---above and beyond. I always try to be there for my co-workers when they need me.
My bosses have at times, looked more than necessary at my food, and the issue of correction has been that they are eager to say that I have done something wrong, when in fact, they may say something like "You didn't turn off the copier in the correct way", when in reality, I had never touched the copier in the first place, and my question was rather about the printer, and they jumped to a whole different topic to correct me on. It is as if they are trying to anticipate that my question or request is invalid or somehow wrong. Sometimes it feels like we aren't even speaking the same language.
The words one of my bosses used to describe me I don't feel comfortable repeating on here, but they were all things that you would call the stereotypical overweight person. I have never mentioned this to them as I don't think they would listen.
The other main issue is that there have been more instances than I can count where I may have asked something, and my boss replied very snarkily or just rudely, but another co-worker would ask the exact same question word for word, and the boss would be very amiable towards them. It is a hard situation to describe.
I feel like all I can do is just try my best.
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