A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a tricky situation and feel tired of going to friends about it, I need opinions and input from people outside the situation.I have been with my boyfriend for almost eight years. About five of them were long distance, him in Sweden, me in the states. We have been living together for about two and a half years.In the last year we have had many arguments, almost once a week. I had a lot of baggage from a harsh past relationship and life and it came into our relationship, this caused the fighting. My boyfriend wants to take a break, with me leaving to the states for three months. He is the sort who needs a lot of solitude and quiet anyway and said he always had a sense he could live alone but then he met me. He said he knew I was the one and that he loves me deeply, cares about me still and I am very special to him. He said he does not want me to go, but that at this point I have to or else he worries we will break up as a couple. He said he is tired and exhausted and that even though things are slowly getting better, he finds it hard to be close and as affectionate as he feels he can be. He has been more affectionate though, but I also sense how tired he is. I have been trying to have a good attitude about it but also being realistic, that this just may be the end.I mentioned that I may not come back, because the break is so long and this upsets him, he said he wants me to come back, that he is not breaking up with me but needs to recharge. That when I return he wants to see our relationship with new eyes and try again.He does not cheat, is not interested in women more than friends and even though i dont like some of his female friends, I trust him.I am just so incredibly sad and any opinions, thoughts, encouragements, anything - would be greatly welcomed.Lost in Sweden...
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (3 October 2007):
He's had it with the arguing and hopes you will find a new interest so he won't have to break up with you.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 October 2007):
 Dear Lost, I understand your need to go beyond your friends and bring this issue to us. This is why we are all here. Thanks for your confidence.
His asking for "space" seems a bad sign. It usually means that people want to break up in a "gentle" manner. Or, maybe he does want some peace and quiet to think things through. However, I am more inclined to thinking he wants out. This is my bad experience.
If things have come to the point where he wants you out of his place, I think the reasonable thing to do is go out of his place, indeed. If you two love each other, and, apparently, you do, take advantage of the separation to work your differences out. If your baggage caused the problems, make a conscious and sustained effort to overcome it. It won't be easy, but, you have to.
This "break" should be used for talking and straightening things out. If he won't, then you will know what to expect. If he will, then you will have hope, and you will be able to work to keep him.
The lesson here is, don't let your past ruin your present, or your future. If you see this problems as information about what is wrong, and how you can solve it, then this is for the good. If you just cry, then it's useless.
If he takes this as a break up, well, you won't be wasting any more time.
Whatever happens, be brave and determined to carry on.
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