A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for one year now. I'm much older than he is, he's in his twenties, and I'm 41. A month ago I found out that he has cheated on me twice, I found out after the second affair. He says that he loves me but that the age difference is the problem. He can't commit to the relationship because he knows he will never marry me because of the age difference. After I found out about his cheating, he first tried to make it up to me. But we started a vicious cycle of me being jealous of every sms and phone call he receives, and him becoming irritated bec I'm being controlling and jealous. I feel so hurt by his cheating. I don't trust him anymore and this is like poison to our relationship. Now he says he wants an "open relationship", meaning he wants to come around "when he misses me" and on the other nights just go out with his friends and be together with other women. He is embarrassed to introduce me to his friends bec of the age difference. On the other hand, I want a committed relationship, meaning seeing him more often and spending real time together and knowing that he will be faithful. I was pregnant and lost the child two months ago. I want to give it another child and he agrees to this.Over the last month, after I found out about his cheating, his attitude has changed. He doesn't express his love anymore and acts much colder and less affectionate. It hurts me so much. I've tried to break up with him countless times, but he keeps coming back. When I ask him, he says that he loves me, but that he can't give me what I want out of this relationship. He says that what he wants to give me is not enough for me, and what I want of him is too much for him, and he doesn't know what to do. It seems we both can't let go of each other. The sexual aspect also plays a big role, every time we quarrel we reconcile with s.. It's the only thing that's good in our relationship at the moment. I know I have to break up with him, because there is no future for us. But I don't seem to be able to let go. Every time he calls or writes or comes to my place after I say I want to break up, I give in very quickly. I love him, but I also hate him for what he has done to me. I just don't see any way out of this vicious cycle. How can I break up with him for good? Can you please help me with advice? I feel stuck in this situation and pretty desperate.
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affair, cheated on me, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CynthiaRenae  +, writes (9 October 2007):
If you really want to break it off with him you have to be strong. Like a band-aid. Get rid of it and throw it away. You don't reuse it do you? NO! So talk to him, tell him how you feel, tell him it's over, then erase him. Get rid of his number, his address anything that keeps ties with him. Don't answer phone calls text messages anything. Cause that makes it much harder to get rid of him. It will be hard but you have to tell yourself that you can do much much better and you will. Good luck!!
ps you might even get an accountability person to help you through this.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (4 October 2007):
Ditch the boy and get the man you deserve.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thank you for both of your answers. I know he has feelings for me, or we wouldn't have been together for such a long time, but I also know that what you say is true. That he is immature and not ready for commitment. He is not using me for any materialistic reasons. I think it's mainly the sex, the ego boost, and the feeling of home he gets with me. I don't feel used, because some of my needs are met by him as well. But far too few. I need a real relationship and he is not giving me that. The problem for me is still: how do I break up with him? Every time I decide to do it, I can't pull it through. So he doesn't take me seriously anymore when I say I want to break up. I feel that I'm giving up my pride and dignity in exchange for the little he is still giving me. I feel so torn inside, so how can I act consistently?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Get a real man, one mature enough to treat you well. He says your age is the problem, but I think his immaturity is the problem. What is he getting from you? I think he uses you for something..
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A
female
reader, CynthiaRenae +, writes (2 October 2007):
I didn't have to read your entire article before I knew the answer. Ditch the Kid. He's way to young to know what he wants and you are old enough to know when he's playing games. Keep you around? Don't think so!! Get rid of him before he hurts you even more. Even if you were the same age I'd be telling you the same thing. He's playing around when you want to be serious. No one should be treated like a part-timer. Tell him to go play while you look for an adult relationship.
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