A
female
age
36-40,
*essylisa
writes:Iv'e just found out my boyfriend has been watching pornography and i feel betrayed and inadequate if he loves me like he says he does why does he need to look at porn?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): I know my boyfriend watches porn. I still have a hard time with it, even though i KNOW he loves me. This shouldn't make you feel like that. I'm sure he loves you. Trust me, i'm going through the same thing. I hate that he looks at other girls naked. But the thing to remember is that he's with YOU. Not those girls. Plus most girls that do pornography are fake. Lots of makeup, fake dyed hair, fake breasts. I'm sure you're naturally beautiful to him and those girls don't come close.
A
female
reader, malteser +, writes (26 April 2009):
 I need you to know something i am in a relationship with a guy and we have a good sex life. But i watch porn nearly everyday its unusual for a women i know but i watch the internet the films and movies. I think it is because it turns me on and gets me in the mood for sex. It dosent mean that i dont have sex with my boyfriend or think that he is second best quite the opposite it makes me more randy and sexually active. Why does it make you feel inadiquite? has he ever compared you to the women on the sites he looks at? If he has then he is very shallow, All men and women look at porn i think it is just the curiousness that it has with it. Maybe you can use it together in your sex lives. Not copy it exactly but just turn eachother on by trying out the positions and roleplay what they do on the net. If you dont feel comfortable then dont do it. The thing you need to know is men will always look at porn but it dosent mean that you are second best or not as good far from it. My dad looks at porn when my mum goes out of the house. I know because he told me that he broke the computer with all the viruses on it. But he still loves my mum and would never compare her to them. I think its just the thrill he gets because he could get caught. Dont worry to much.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Have been in a similar situation recently. Got in from work turned the telly on and it brought up adult channel 'babestation' he looked so guilty,he explained it was normal for guys to have a wank and that he only looks at it till he gets one off and that he loved me. I do understand that but still really hurts i like to think i am the only girl for him. Men dont realise their implications, started questioning myself does he still find me attractive? is he getting bored with me? Truth is they are just being men and as long as you both have a good sex life together then dont worry just tell him to tone it down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): your not getting the answers you want here are you?Let me just say it is NOT YOU... every woman every shape, form has this problem...you can be the hottest girl and your guy will still look at porn.If its upsetting you...tell him..I dont think it is on when your in a relationship and I am SO FED UP with hearing "oh its just a guy thing, they all do it"Maybe they should have more respect for their partners. Replacing your relationship with skanky girls on the net is a real turn off..I bet if you were doing it...he would not be happy. Stand your ground, talk to him. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2009):
Why do you need Chicken McNuggets when you have Marks and Spencer?
Because sometimes, junk food is lovely.
With you, sex is an act of love and requires thought and feelings and it's tiring emotionally.
With porn the girls are just there to get him off and then when he's used them he can shove them back on the internet for the next guy.
He can't do that with you! He loves you too much to do something as dirty as have a crafty wank over the thought of your boobs. You are worth more than that and he can't lower you in his mind to the level of a brainless blonde with fake everything.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): There are two types of men - those who say they look at porn and those who lie about looking at porn.Since the porn is a constant, do you want a lying BF or an honest one?It is totally appropriate for you to tell him, "The porn makes me feel inadequate - "my Xxxxxs aren't that Yyyyy and I can't Zzzzz for hours on end. So if you're watching porn, keep it out of my life. Don't leave it laying around, don't leave it open on your computer, clean up the tissues from around the keyboard, etc."If he's not sexual with you as often as you'd like, that IS a problem. Whether he's using porn or not. But if he's available when you want him and you're eager for him when he's feeling close, then you're a good match in that department.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 When I was coming up, back in the 1950s and 60s, porn was unavailable or difficult to access. Today, it is everywhere online and easily obtained. It can become addictive for a man, in particular, and in my opinion can affect relationships. If his attraction to porn begins to replace affection and attraction toward you, it's a problem.
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A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 For many people pornography serves as a fantasy mechanism that provides safe and private release for desires that they may never think of crossing into their real lives.
Your boyfriend’s enjoyment of pornography has nothing – repeat: nothing -- to do with how you should feel about yourself. Odds are he has been enjoying pornography long before he met you and he probably considers it nothing more than another aspect of his solo-sex life, like lube or tissues. It is a tool, a prop, nothing more and certainly nothing he can fall in love with.
My best advice would be to explain to him your concerns so that he can put them to rest himself. When in a relationship a person must realize that their actions and behaviours impart their partner. If some of those actions or behaviours cause a negative impact, than they should be willing to try to lessen it. That is why open communication is vital to maintaining healthy relationships.
This said, I also feel that you should address the personal issues you have with his enjoyment of pornography. I mentioned, odds are he has been enjoying it long before he met you. Why is it only now, after you officially found out about it, that you feel inadequate? Did he ever make you feel inadequate before?
Remember: You are real, porn isn’t, any more than a fantasy or a sexy dream.
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A
female
reader, raekitten +, writes (23 April 2009):
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. We had this same issue a few years back. I told him it made me feel like I wasn't good enough. He reassured me that I was fine and it had nothing to do with me. Its just natural. For lack of better words its just a guy thing. Anyone I talked to about it said the same thing. I even recently found out that a married friend of mine had the same experience with her husband. Guys use porn to relax. We can't always be there and we cant expect them to always wait for us. Its something we need to look past and just get over. I did and things are just fine with us. My advice to you is feel confident that you are adequate. Try to keep things exciting for him. Maybe try to think of some new things to try or surprise him with some sexy lingerie. Then maybe he wont watch it as much. Just keep in mind he will watch it from time to time and it has nothing to do with you.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (23 April 2009):
 all men look at porn. its not you, guys get horny just like women do. i know it feels crappy but its nothing to worry about. if you see a slow or a stop to your sexual activity, that is when your should become concerned. but think about this, are you there w/him all the time?? if your not then dont worry, he is just getting his horny out. if your cohcerned about it, have a chat w/him.
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