A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband looks at pictures of hot girls in Maxim.He used to look at porn and it made me sick to think he was doing this behind my back. It wouldn't have been as big of deal if he included me in on it.I was a very attractive girl, but now I'm getting older and have gained 10 lbs, so I don't feel as good as I used to. The problem that I have with this is that he never tells me I'm beautiful and we rarely have sex. So, when he gets off on looking at these other girls, it makes me feel even more insecure. Why is he doing this? Am I just not good enough for him?
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Main issue is he dosen't say you are beautiful, and he dosen't show you enough romance and you don't have enough sex. Tackle that, as well as your own body image, which you don't like right now.Start to romance the man, seduce him, flirt with him, pinch his bum. Pretend to be a teenager again. Bring back the romance, ignore the porn, it only creates arguments and fights. Why should men always chase us women. When is the last time you told him he was sexy, when is the last time you said he had a nice ass, or tried to grope him under the table at dinner time.Take the man out for a date, and try to romance him, if this dosen't work, then I guess you'll have to do some serious talking about why your relationship isn't working.Most men will look at porn, whether they love you, hate you, have sex with you 10times a day.. that's why it's not the issue, but the lack of sex and romance is, and this is what you need to concentrate on.Take up running, swimming, and cut out cakes, chocolates and fried foods. Buy yourself some sexy underwear, and a pair of jeans which is one size too small for you, and a nice fresh new perfume. Let him watch his porn, leave him alone and concentrate on looking good and feeling good for you. You work on yourself, and you'll have less time to worry about whether he reads Maxim, Playboy or Financial Times.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Like Battista said, step one should be communication.
You said he used to look at porn, does that mean he stopped because it upset you? That's a great sign. It means he was willing to give up something he liked because his love for you was stronger.
Why do you rarely have sex? Do you ever initiate? Does he?
Here's the reason I ask. If he always had to initiate sex, even if you agreed, it begins to feel very one sided after a while. With my last GF, I always had to initiate sex. I would often stop to see if she would initiate anything. I'd go for months sometimes with nothing. That left me feeling worthless. Like she wasn't interested in me. Maybe he is feeling the same way.
Really, you have nothing to be concerned about unless he is passing up sex for masturbation. Guys need to jack off sometimes. It is a personal release and we have many reasons for it. It releaves stress. We don't have to worry about making anyone else happy. We don't have to last or be a stud. We can just beat the meat and get on with our lives. It is not a reflection on you or your relationship.
I think he loves you very much. I think that if he didn't, he wouldn't have given up porn for you. I have no idea how long you've been married, but chances are he wouldn't have stuck around if he didn't love you.
I also see some self esteem issues with you. You think that gaining 10 lbs suddenly makes you unattractive. Not in the least. Have some self confidence, that goes a long way into helping you be more attractive.
Lastly, I wanted to mention again that it is very important to communicate what you're feeling with your husband. Guys will often be oblivious to problems like this. I think that if you can talk to him you will see that he didn't realize that what he was doing was hurting you.
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A
female
reader, Elainey  +, writes (28 September 2010):
I guess it is normal for man to want to look at pornography as it is something fresh to them and it is just like reading magazines that excites them. It has nothing to do with your attractiveness, although I do understand that you will feel insecure about yourself. But I believe love is different from what is as superficial as those girls in the magazines. So don't worry =)
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (28 September 2010):
He's your husband. Have you actually spoken to him about it?
Communication is so important. It doesn't matter what people tell you on here, you need to know what he's thinking. Moreover, you need to make it clear to him how you feel. Have you done that? He's not a mind reader. You need to TALK. None of us know what is going on in your husband's mind.
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