A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm an adult and has been very serious with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We both are divorced, him more recently, and I found that he has been looking at some pictures of them together from a few years ago that are on his computer. They are nice pics of them looking very loving. Should I be concerned? I don't look at pics or me and my ex unless my kids are in them and I understand they have a history together...It's an uneasy feeling to find that he has been looking at these pictures and I can almost hear him say "you are so beautiful" which he says to me but of course, I know he said to her when they were married.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 July 2012):
Hi. I really don't blame you for feeling a little doubtful about this, as most people would feel that way.
I would be wondering, if it was me in your position.
And maybe, you could also say something light hearted and good humoured to him, when you see him doing this, like:-
"Are you having second thoughts about your divorce?"
And say it with a smile on your face - rather than being angry or jealous.
Because you don't want to start an argument over it.
It's a straight forward question, and so it will require a straight forward answer.
You could then say to him something like - "When I see you looking so closely at that photo, it makes me feel as if you rather wish you were still with her, and I feel my security in this relationship, a little threatened by it."
And also - "I feel I need a bit of clarification from you, about us."
At the very least, it will get some dialogue going between you both, which is very much needed, I believe.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the respones.
@the realist. I occasionally look up old boyfriend but they were from 20 years ago. I just want to see how they are and who they grew up to be. I've met some of his old girlfriends and don't have a problem with them at all.
They were married for a while and have 2 kids so I feel more un-easy. I get what you said about that being his past and agree. And I thank you for the reassurance :)
@Dorothy. That's exatly how I feel and questions I have asked him before. He always re-assures me and denies any feelings but I'm still uneasy with it.
I don't want to ruin a good thing with me maybe reading more into things but I don't want to get hurt either.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 July 2012):
Hi there. It does seem kind of unusual that he still looks at photos of his ex wife and him together.
To keep on doing that, would almost seem as if he isn't really over with her - even though he is divorced.
It might be wise to simply ask him one day when you observe him doing this.
You could say:-
"I notice you look at those photos or you and your ex wife, quite a lot.
"It makes me wonder if you have regrets that you are no longer with her.
"And I have to be honest with you (his name), I feel a bit threatened, because although you are now divorced, it just seems as though it isn't truly over.
"How do you feel about your ex wife now?
"Are you happy with me?"
I would be having this chat with him if I were you, because it just seems as though there is still some unfinished business between them.
Do you know if she instigated the divorce, or was it him?
In any case, it really does appear to me, that he isn't quite ready to move on, otherwise, why would he keep on looking at that loving photo of them both?
He is still obviously having some thoughts about how good it was for them, in better times.
Do you think he is comparing what they had, and what he has with you?
It's a possibility, I guess.
You do need to address this issue with him, and especially, if you believe there is a long term future for you and him.
And when you have this chat, don't get upset or angry - stay calm and be respectful.
And because it is concerning you now, all the more reason to not delay it any longer.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Looking at pictures of past relationships doesn't mean that he isn't ready to move on. It's not quite the same but I still look at pictures from past relationships because they are still fond memories. That's the thing though, they are memories as in the past where as you are the one actually in his life.
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