A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:well me and this girl have been best friends since middle school. Her mom and step dad sheltered her extremly growing up. Her mom was raped when she was 13 and and had her a year later she was raped again and her son. her and her brother are a year apart and and when i wanted to hang with her ,her brother had to go every where with her. and and when she was 10 she was also molested by her brothers dad(they have different dads) and and now were both in college i do classes on campus and and she only wants to do classes online. and and (shes 20 and and im 19) so every time i try to hang or pick her up she always says her mom and and step dad wont let her i ve only hung out with her one time since weve been out of high school. and and the only place i can meet her is at her moms job on a sat morning. but every time i try to meet with her she cancels. and and i ask her if i am aloud to take her from her mom s job and she says her mom said she has to stay there!!!!! i mean i really wanna hang with my best friend and and the only way she wants to communicate is through email... which is lame its not like she lives in another counrty we live in the same city!!! when the last time we hung out she lied and told her mom i moved out the state and and then her mom was like i want you to move out of my house and and she said she wanted me and my friend to be roommates and and her mom also told her that she should go live on campus instead of doing online classes!! so she lied her mom doesn't shelter her anymore.. i think she has been shelted to the point. where she doesn't want to leave the house. we were suppose to hang today but she canceled should i still be her friend or should i just loose all communication with her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Hi,
I think you should try and be there for your friend. She comes from a family with a heavy past. She has been overly protected, she still has to learn to be independent. Be patient and try to speak to her, try to make her see that there are great stuff out there to do. But first, maybe you could try setting times for chats over the phone/skype when it suits both of you best. Only after that you could suggest that she comes over again, maybe offer that her brother also comes along so she feels safer. All these are ideas that may not work but you should still try them.
After re-reading what you wrote, I have to say that maybe your friend needs counselling (if she is not already getting counselling) because if she's no longer willing to go out for any reasons it will impact more than your friendship. She will lose touch with other people/reality, and see everyone as a potential threat. I am exaggerating a bit but you get my point. Try and see if she'd be willing to speak to someone (at a charitable organisation or a therapist).
The fact that you came here to ask for advice makes you a good friend. I hope things will get better for your friend. Good luck.
A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 I think you should be there for her, she obviously is troubled a lot by her mums past and her past, her mum was raped obviously a bad situation she will feel like that can happen at anytime, and her herself was molestered that must really of scarred her somewhere for her to be acting this way. Her mum is obviously trying to get her to do things alone since she's grown up and stuff, but I think she feels like she's only safe in her house, and around her family and if she goes out without them or something that something bad will happen. I know its hard because you want to spend time with her, but I think you need to accept the fact she's troubled, and that she does need help, and you could maybe help her get the help she needs, if she feels like she needs to lie to you about what her restrictions are what she can/cant do even though they aren't none, then I think she's obviously scared, and does need help. I think you need to be a friend, talk to her, let her confide in you, and get her help
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