A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband was previously married and has been divorced for 4 years. He was married to a woman who had 2 children of her own and they had 1 child together. The children’s father also lives nearby and they see him or go to stay with him, although I’m not sure whether he pays any maintenance. The ex-wife has remarried, is having her house redecorated and goes on holiday twice a year. She gets full maintenance for their child from my husband.My husband still pays medical insurance for the ex-wife’s children as he did when they were married and says this is because he agreed to do so when they divorced.I don’t feel that this should continue, especially as he cites financial implications as a reason for us delaying having a child of our own, but so far he hasn’t tried to do anything about it. He also says that if he needs a solicitor to sort it out it will also be costly, but surely you can’t be bound by such an arrangement if the mother is remarried, financially secure, and the father is around. Am I being unfair?
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female
reader, svf  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 I agree with the other posters that if it is part of the divorce settlement, he will have to pay. However, I do know that in Australia, if you have more children, though you still have to pay for the children you are 'maintaining', the calculation changes. Have you seen the divorce settlement, can you ask him to see it if you hadn't, as it does affect your future of having a baby.I understand that you want a child, it is every woman's right to have one. I also understand that you would have been aware of his parental responsibilities when you married him, however, circumstances have changed and his ex-wife has remarried, so therefore her new husband is responsible for supporting his new step-children financially. I know that that is the law in Australia, unless he signed a property settlement - which is why you need to see it.Otherwise, can he represent himself in court? Do you have legal aid in your country? If you are working, hang it - use your money, and he can support you while you are on maternity leave, and then you can go back to work part time. Not having enough money is a really sad reason not to have a baby, and I feel for you.Also, if he divorced her 4 years ago, I am assuming the relationship broke up some time before that? The children must surely be reaching near 16 years of age - which is the age to which maintenance should be readjusted? If not, 18 is not to far away, and I am sure that you can both manage until the maintenance is cut down? Is medical insurance really that expensive? Can he not get a cheaper insurance plan? As I said, I do not know of the divorce settlement terms, so you must look at them to see exactly what your position is financially. But good luck with everything.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 If this is part of their divorce agreement then he is bound by it and he would have to go back to court to try to change it, which he may not be able to do even with a costly lawyer. Anyway, you must have known about all his obligations before you married him so yes you ARE being unfair to complain about it now. Your only option is to start a savings account to finance another child. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 April 2011):
 It may be a clause of their divorce agreement. Once it's written, signed and countersigned,yeah go convince a judge to cancel it- unless there is a permanent,dramatic reduction in your husband's income .
Even if it weren't so...,personally I like the idea of a man who gives his word- and stands by it. He agreed he'd do something - and he does it, even if it's unconvenient for him. That's being honourable,IMO. Maybe your husband shares my views.
I can also understand your frustration and impatience, though. Unluckily, it sorts of a natural by-product of w choosing a mate with baggage : ex wifes, children,stepchildren.... very seldom you can really expect that ALL of his money and time will be available for his new family.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2011): Actually he can be bound to that regardless of a change in her circumstances, if it was a term of the divorce.
Look the only way he could do this cheaply but still pay full maintenance for his child is if she agrees to that, if he explains that he wants to start a family with you then she may well agree to that. But if she doesn't agree then a solicitor will cost so much money that it would defeat the purpose of it.
You can't ask him to stop paying for his own child, he has a duty of care to that and there's every chance they got a good deal with the medical insurance and got it cheaper with all the kids included.
What about your financial circumstances, are you working? Have you got money? Because if you have a steady income, then that would be enough to support a child. If that;s not the case then why are you expecting him to stop paying for his exes children and start paying for the one you want. If you have your own income then finances wouldn't be an issue. But if you want my honest opinion I think he's just using finances as an excuse. He's probably just not ready for another child.
Are you being unfair in asking to shirk his responsibilities to his ex? If you're not contributing financially then yes, that's very unfair, if you are contributing financially then there's no issue, you can afford a child.
I think you're trying the wrong way to get this to happen, his excuse is finances so you're trying to get him to get his finances in order. You should be putting yourself in the position where you can pay for this child alone if you have to.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 April 2011):
 well he has to financially support his child. What SHE does with the money as long as his child is cared for is not any of your concern to be honest. At least where I live, if you are paying medical coverage for one child it costs NO MORE to cover the other children... a mother's maritial status does not affect a father's need or rights in regard to his child. just the child's mother.Sorry... he owes his child the support and maintenance.
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