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female
,
anonymous
writes: About 5 years ago my boyfriend moved in with me and we have 2 children together (1&2). Aout a year and half ago we were not getting along and he said he was leaving so I locked the door behind him and didn't let him back in. He went to his sister's and kept calling me and telling me how much he loves me. Then about 3 months ago he called and told me he had been seeing someone else not long after we split, and this girl and her 3 kids lived at his sister's also. Now him, the girl, and her kids live together in a house of their own and he continues to call me and tell me he loves me and wants his family back. But he still lives with the girl and does not do things that will upset her but he tells me he'll do things but never does. What should I do? Help.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (21 July 2005):
 I don't know what your troubles with your boyfriend were, but they must have been egregious if you had the strength to lock him out when there were two small children involved. Based on that move alone, I'd say keep him out of your life...but of course, you can't, because there are two small children involved.
If he's any sort of man you do want around in your life, I'd suggest telling him you'll entertain the idea of a reconciliation if—and only if—he moves out of the place with this woman, finds a place to live with no other conveniently date-able women in it, and ceases all dating activity for some prescribed time: say, six months to a year. There's entirely too much bouncing from chick to chick with this guy, which makes me think he's weak and lacks conviction. So you want to see some conviction up front before you disrupt your kids' lives again.
If he's not up for that scenario, tell him you'll work out some kind of visitation so he can be a part of his kids' lives, but that you don't think he's the guy for you. Period.
It's not a great situation, but your keeping a cool head can possibly prevent this from getting worse.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2005): Count your blessing you are not with him anymore. You did the right thing locking the door behind him, keep it that way. If you say he does things for this other girl and not you what does this say about his feelings for you? You deserve better ignore him and get on with your life, you will be surprised how happy you will be with your new found independance. You can find someone who will treat you well, I know from experience.
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