| A
male
,
*amless_lover
writes: My girlfriend doesn't seem to make the effort that she used to, to talk to me or be with me I mean, and when we are together we aren't usually alone, by design or accident I don't know. On top of that she isn't as affectionate as she used to be... but she still tells me she loves me and I can tell she's telling the truth. Plain and simple this is bugging me but I don't know what to do! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (21 July 2005):
 You don't mention how long you've been seeing each other, but one strong possibility is that the first blush of romance has faded and along with it, that heady bonding period where all either of you wants to do is stare into each other's eyes and fall in. Those of us who've been through the mill a few times learn to trust the words even after the heat dies down a bit, provided they're backed up by enough of the right actions. We may even welcome it: while it's quite a rush having those intense feelings and loss of boundaries, it's really hard to get things done when you're constantly mooning about over one another.
Perhaps your girlfriend has passed through this phase and is feeling the need for more time alone. Perhaps she's even a little alarmed now because what feels like a "just right" amount of affection for you is way, way too much for her and she's questioning whether she can be in a relationship with someone whose needs for affection differ so vastly from her own.
On the other hand, it's possible that your girlfriend's feelings for you have fundamentally changed. You also don't mention how old the two of you are, but if you're on the young side, she may have mistaken the heady-rush period for True Love and, when it ended, realized that while she had feelings for you, they weren't of the kind that she initially thought she had.
Spend a little time figuring out what your needs are first. Do you need a lot of affection all the time? How much time do you want to spend with a girlfriend vs. alone or with friends and family?
Once you know your own needs and where you stand, you'll be better prepared to have a conversation with her about the relationship, since you'll be discussing concrete things instead of vague, unquantifiable concepts like who loves whom how much.
Good luck!
|
