A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,Please can I have your views. I managed to get out of a pretty nice then preety destructive relationship with my ex, but he has been on and off contacting me for over 9 months now, and when I respond to him, he either sends a one line answer, or dissapears again for weeks at a time, or reappears on messenger after weeks and signs in when I do and signs out when I do. I sent him a horrid message a few weeks back as I got upset about it, and immediately he came back on to messenger for weeks, and I done nothing and did not message him and now he has dissapeared again. My problem is , I stil have really strong feelings for this guy, and was so in love with him, and I can;t quite let go, and what to now what he is playing at? I have tried to be strong and walk away, but i do not understand his motivation. I have not seen him for a couple of months now, but still he makes the odd comment on the internet, or some such it cna;t be he stil needs m attention or an ego stroke after all this time.. he should have moved on, and dropped it, but it seems neither of us can quite let go.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 Oh sure he can, some people like their ego stroked for the rest of their life, they keep flirting with their high school sweethearts 30 years later , while babysitting the grandchildren.
You are "the option ".The "just in case ". He has no intention or desire to be with you ever, but he likes the fact that you are still within his sphere of influence, that you are obviously having trouble in letting go, and that he COULD push your buttons and trigger strong reactions if he only would. That gratifies him and reassures him. It 's not even planned out in cold blood, it's just authomatic.
Until you let him play this game, he will, because he's enjoying it.
You aren't. So, it's up to you totally ignoring him from now on.
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