A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'll just come out and say that i am not a virgin anymore. There *phew* :) anyways I'm almost 20 and I've only every had sex 7 times in my life. This happened like 4 monthes ago with my no ex boyfriend. And I just want to know why does mostly EVERYONE say sex is sooo damn good? Those times I've had it weren't exactly the most enjoyable times in my life. I mean okay the whole time I felt like I had to go to the bathroom... and i faked it every single time. Because well I didn't feel anything and i was sorta bored during it. My ex was sorta weird and rude during it sometimes. He expected me to know what to do and how to do it (why I have nooooo idea) and he would scold me if I didn't do something right or if I didn't do something he wanted. Which sorta took me out of the mood altogether...I just want to know if I did something wrong? Or if it was just him? or will I ACTUALLY feel anything let alone pleasure the next time I have it? And what should I do to make sure that happens?I'm not in to much of a rush for an answer to this burning question (because I'd have to find someone first :D ) but I just want to know so I'm not disappointed and not happy with sex for the rest of my life :D Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who answered my question :)
By the way I dumped this boy about 4 months ago so I am over and done with being disrespected... I just wanted to know for the next guy I happen to get in a relationship with. :) Again thank you
p.s. I hope I can find a man that is willing to put me first or at least spend enough time on me. :D
A
male
reader, NumberSix  +, writes (13 October 2009):
Because I'm such an oldie (34!) I've had quite a few sexual partners over the years. More than a car-full, less than a bus-full. For years, I wonderd the same thing as you: Is this it? Is this what all the fuss is about? Well, it doesn't seem nearly as great as they all say it is.
The conclusion I came to is that the most important thing is who you are with. Unless you are with someone you either love or REALLY REALLY fancy, not just a bit, but so you are horny just at the sight of them, them it won;t be that good. Don't ever just settle for someone; it's not worth it, the sex is a disappointment and breaking up is hard to do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Hello,
I hadn't planned on answering your question, as I was just browsing on the internet, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that I recognised the voice of a young woman just wanting a bit of advice - advice that I wish I had been given years before!
So here goes ...
Sex isn't always great, it's rarely like it is in films, and sometimes it's just messy - physically and emotionally. However, with the right person and the right perspective, it can be amazing.
I was with my first boyfriend for three and a half years, and we were in love. We slept together, but it was never great. It was only after our relationship ended and I learned to appreciate my own body, and get a feel for what I really like, that I started to have a better sex life.
Since then (we finished about seven years ago) I have had both short and long term relationships, with varying degrees of sexual success. The success of my sex life has nearly always been determined by the success of the rest of my relationship with that person. When you respect each other, care for each other, and can communicate openly you get much better results.
However, knowing my own body and what it likes really helped me too (and you don't have to wait around for the next guy to do it!) It can feel a little odd at first, but do take the time to experiment with your own body - different ways of touching, speed, lubrication etc, and if you can get hold of a vibrator, try it in a few different positions. There are some good books out there that offer advice, and I'm sure if you Googled you'd find something useful (just be careful about which search words you use or you could end up with a bunch of porn on your computer)
You do not have to have bad sex, but on the other hand, bad sex doesn't always mean a bad relationship, it can take a little working out. However, if somebody is scolding you and being rude, that is not acceptable. It sounds like you are far better off without your ex-boyfriend. Even young men who have yet to develop their sexual skills and communication skills shouldn't be rude to their partner. Perhaps he also lack confidence, but there is no room for belittling a partner in the bedroom - it does nobody any favours.
I really hope that you've found my persepctive useful (a little entertaining if nothing else)
It's also good to recognise that there are different types of sex too. Sometimes you may feel really horny and just want a good 'seeing to'; although (as a woman) I find that I more frequently want gentle lovemaking than my partner does - it all depends on mood and your relationship I suppose.
Good Luck,
Sara
Just so you know who's giving the advice; I'm a 30 yr old woman from the UK, in a relationship, having been single a lot of the time over the years with various relationships dotted about. I'm emotionally stable and well educated.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 October 2009):
 I agree with the poster about 25% having orgasms during sex, but it my believe that's because 75% don't know what they're doing.
You did nothing wrong. Good sex, you don't have to tell your partner what to do or where to move. It's like you can read each others movements. It sounds like he wanted you to please him, but wasn't much into giving you pleasure. If both people focus on the pleasure of the other, then it can be real enjoyable. If you're with a guy who thinks more about himself getting off, then most of the time you'll be wondering "what happened." or "what about me" So it depends on the person you're with. He seems like an impatient ass, so not a good person to compare your experience with.
When you find the right partner, you'll know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): It sounds like you haven't been with a guy that turns you on emotionally. When that happens you may enjoy it more. For most of us girls the first several times you'll have sex it may hurt, unless the guy is really patient and gets you good and ready.
Maybe you have just had lousy lovers, sweetie. My b/f gets me orgasming so much I cry afterward. It's such an emotional release. Maybe your emotions just aren't tied into sex with your current b/f.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): It can be euphoric at times! OMG you just have to find out what you like, when you find the man you love and you begin to try things together. I would suggest going online and just read about all different sex techniques. I use to watch pornographic movies to get ideas on what to do, and boy did some of that help tremendously. Sometimes oral stimulation is the best, especially if you don't orgasm through penetration.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (12 October 2009):
 Penetrative sex often isn't the most pleasurable thing on Earth for a woman. Actually, only about 25% of women are able to orgasm from vaginal intercourse, so you're in good company. On top of that, it sounds like this guy was neither patient nor helpful for you, taking sex as an opportunity for his own enjoyment. He should have been guiding you and exploring what works best for you two together.
That said, YES sex can be enjoyable with a loving and caring partner. It sounds like foreplay and oral will be your main source of sensation. Make sure you find a man that's willing to spend half an hour or more on using his fingers and lips, who's willing to take the time to find what works for YOU and not just repeating what worked with his last girlfriend, and really cares that you enjoy it. It may be that "sex" is mostly for him, but the whole time spent in bed has an equal time attending to your needs. (And this is coming from a man that regularly spent 45+ minutes on JUST oral for his last girlfriend, so yes, men like that are out there.)
But do yourself a favor and don't fake orgasms. If you plan to keep a man for a while, eventually the question will come up and the moment he finds out you've been faking (even that you've EVER faked with him), he'll doubt every orgasm you have from then on, perhaps even losing the will to put forth effort for you. Plus, every time you fake, you're telling him "That was it. Do that again in the future." You're training him to do it wrong. It's better (trust me) to tell him "Thank you, but I don't think it's going to happen tonight. That's ok. Maybe next time." He'll feel like a bit of a failure, but he'll feel that you are HONEST with him and he'll try something else later to maybe find what DOES work.
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