A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have had sex with this guy a couple of times now. It is not very serious, but whenever we have had it has been great. Well he is really a f**k buddy. I have never ever had one before. I know most people think it is wrong to have a f**k buddy but then I thought who cares how many people try and get to know each other first and it doesn't work out sexually. I decided this time I was just going to have sex first and see what happened and it was amazing.I mean this guy is georgous, has the perfect body abs and everything and is 5 years younger than me. He has even got a good job and is rich. He could call up a lot of girls for sex, I am kind of flattered that we have done it a few times now and he keeps coming back for more.However, friends are now telling me I should not let myself be used for sex like that. The way I think of it is I am not being used sexually, rather we are both having fun. We are just doing something we both enjoy, I am sure he would not be calling me if he was not having a good time either. We are having fun enjoying experimenting with each others bodies why is it such a problem and why is it so important to everyone that you are in a relationship first. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, KentReeves  +, writes (11 September 2010):
How do you think the next guy in your life - with whom you have a real relationship - will feel about your F-buddy status? He's Going to feel like the other guy had it MUCH better. He got to have the most intimate part of you without any responsibilities or commitment. Your new "real" boyfriend is going to feel short changed. He's going to feel that you're nothing more than a f-buddy to him too. Sorry to be harsh - it's just how guys feel.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): I think a lot of the problem comes from HOW and WHY these kinds of relationships happen. It works in theory but not always in practice at all. It so often leads to hurt people and imbalances in the pecking order of the dating pool.Too many less attractive B-list girls would sooner end up as a f*ck toy for an A-list guy than be the treasured GF of a B-list guy. Everyone loses in this scenario except the A-list guy. He gets laid for free. The B-list girl gets totally hurt. The relationship with the A-list fuck buddy eventually feels hurtful after a while when she gets attached. And later, when she demands more committed relationships, all her REAL boyfriends (who have to be chosen from the B-list where she belongs) are disappointments. She's comparing them to the super-hot A-list fuck buddies she's used to getting. The B-list guys lose most of all. They spend the first half of the game not even getting laid. They spend the rest of the time stuck with B-list women who are MUCH more sexually experienced and also unfairly used to much hotter partners than them. (And if the B-list guys complains, his B-list GF says, "Hey, get over it. You had a chance to be single and sleep around too!" But of course he really didn't. Nothing like she did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThx for all your comments, they have made me feel a lot better.
Initially I was not sure if I should enter into a f**k buddy type relationship, well we have not called each other f**k buddies, but, we just meet for fun and I know unless I start seeing him all the time etc. I can expect nothing else.
I do not feel used as I am enjoying it as much as him. We just really like each other sexually, I am kind of flattered by his request.
I have even rejected his booty calls just to see what he did trying to test him out to see how persistent he would be. I thought if he wasn't that keen I on my body he would just give up. But, he just called me up and told me he loved what I did to his body and asked another time.
I just think I should go for it while it is good, I am not hurting anyone and I know how where everything stands. I am single so I am allowed, and so is he.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (28 August 2008):
 As long as there are two consenting adults, doing something they want its no one else's problem
But be careful as FWB arent always as simple as they seem as some people cant keep emotions and sex separate
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): Have a fun time but do it only because you want to, above all take care health wise and so long as you know neither has to answer to eachother fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2008): I don't see any problem with it if both people are enjoying what they have together and understand that the relationship will probably not go any farther. If you are enjoying it then I don't think that you are allowing yourself to be used for sex. You are using each other for sex and no one is getting taken advantage of. My wife and I have both had flings in the past where nothing except fun and sex were expected by either party.
I really don't see any more risk to this kind of relationship than a normal "real" relationship where one or both parties are expecting it to go farther. There is actually less risk in getting hurt than in a normal relationship where at least one party is expecting a long term relationship. When it fails, then that party is hurt. The one thing that I do warn of is your reputation. You might start to be thought of as promiscuous as the word gets out. That could hurt you in a future relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 August 2008):
 It's entirely up to your judgement to do what you feel is best for you. My only comment to add to the already good advice you've received is not to discuss your sex life with your friends. If you hadn't mentioned that you were in this FWB relationship, no one would be any the wiser. So just keep mum about it, and they will stop nagging you. If you told them because you thought it might impress them, you being desired by this hot, rich guy, I guess maybe they were more concerned about your own welfare. They sound like caring friends to me, but again, it's entirely up to you.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 August 2008):
 We get a ton of postings from people(usually the woman)who started out in one of these arrangements which then turned sour. Be careful, very, very careful.
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A
female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (27 August 2008):
 You say everyone, but you really mean your friends...
I think knowing someone before you have sex is important. You know what i mean - making sure they aren't nasty old men trying to use you, or dodgy drunkards etc.
Well, if you enjoy it, go for it, but don't be supprised if he doesn't want to commit.
All the best,
Jelly
xxx
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (27 August 2008):
 If it works for you, that's the main thing. Be sure to do periodic "reality checks" to be certain that both of you are still OK with the relationship as it is.
The biggest danger with these arrangements is that over time one person will tend to drift to a position where they want more, and will try to change the arrangement unilaterally in their mind. Then things get really sticky, with the tears and recriminations and all. So keep up the good communications with your partner, and above all be honest with him. You owe him that, and he owes it to you as well. You got into this thing under one set of assumptions. Neither of you can try to change the rules without an explicit "re-opener" to start over from scratch.
In the end, you're both adults and entitled to make up your own minds. Don't let anybody tell you differently.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (27 August 2008):
 I don't have an answer to your question, but I just wanted to say that I don't condemn it and more power to you. Have as much fun as you can for as long as you can.
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