A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My virginity doesn't bother me that much, on most days at least, but I do feel a bit sad over the fact that I've never been in a relationship, NEVER. I'm 22 and nothing! I'm starting to feel that if I don't end up in relationship I'll never get laid! People can make you feel so insecure about it and sometimes it's just flat out hard to cope with especially since everybody else is doing it.Apparently, I'm described as a "Nice Guy" and I'm recently finding out that girls don't like that, for some reason. Apart from that making me extremely confused and upset, I feel like people are constantly telling me that I need stop being me and be someone else in order to get where I want to go, which is so unfair to me since all these people who are telling me this don't have to change anything about themselves.I didn't grow up with a specific male figure in my life and as embarrassing as it is to say this, I've come to realize, I know nothing about being a man. I'm just so clueless on everything manly. I say this because I realize that I think nothing like other guys, I see things differently than them and attempt to treat ppl different and because of that I'm seen as simple or clueless...well, i guess i am!I talk to girls, I'm attractive, I fairly known, I just can't seem to be myself and attain a girlfriend. Am I really that terrible that nobody I'd be interested could like me for who I am? Girls are starting to make me upset and bitter, sometimes I've even thought about trying guys and I don't want to be that kind of person, I always try to brush off that feeling and stay positive, but sometimes I just want things to fall into place. Can anybody help me?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Most "Nice Guys" that do not get women have some of the following unattractive qualities:
1. No or little self confidence
2. Inability to talk to women because they are shy or cannot flirt. Read: socially awkward
2. Needy and/or clingy
3. Push-overs,submissive
4. Whiny or too emotional
Then there are men out there that are too arrogant, men that have a superiority complex or some major character trait that turns people off.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Thanks much guys, i feel so much better! I guess I do need to go out more.
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A
female
reader, babu3u +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Are there really nice guys in this world? Hahaha Don't ever change that about you. It's very rare to find an actual nice guy. Most guys I dated pretend to be nice and then they show you what selfish, immature, and jerks they are.
Have confidence in yourself. Don't get down because you haven't been in a relationship with someone. You'll find that person that will appreciate your kindness and care.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (22 August 2011):
 You don't have to change yourself. Be who you are, but you have to be aware of some of the things you might be doing wrong and change little things to get what you want.
When you say a nice guy, I think of someone who is always saying yes, and giving in to make another person happy.
He puts his needs aside to make others happy. And although this might seem like a good way to get what you want, it does backfire because it makes you look desperate and a doormat in girls eyes.
Most girls want a confident, strong man who will protect them, but also have a gentle, sweet and soft side.
It's a balance between the two. We don't want a complete A hole but we do need someone to stand up for us if needed.
That's why being a complete "nice guy" will land you in the friend department.
I say take this time out to focus on yourself. Put yourself first. Once you do that, the confidence will come through and you will start attracting girls.
Having a girlfriend will not make you happy. Only you can.
Dig deep to find the real you, because you mentioned you thought about "guys" but didn't want to go there.
Maybe you are gay and haven't come to terms with that. Only you know who you are. But if you are gay or bi. there's nothing wrong with that either. So don't be bitter or hate girls for not throwing themselves at you. I'm sure you are a wonderful person. Find and love yourself first before anyone else can come and love you.
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A
female
reader, Kirstyteenauntireland +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Firstly hun being the Nice guy can get you a girl like what sane girl would go for a lying cheater while she could have a nice sweet guy. NEVER EVER EVER be someone your not just be yourself :) And one thing I will strongly advice is don't put yourself down You say your a nice guy and thats a great quality in a guy :)
You,ve thought about trying guys? Are you sexually attracted to men or ever had any urge to be with a man that you fancy? If not then why bother?
I,m sure there are plenty of girls who would love to go out with you try going clubbing or even if you meet someone in a cafe or the library you can meet girls everywhere. I,m not saying that its gonna be easy but if you go out more hun you,ll find someone who'll want to be with you :)
Good Luck :)
xxxxx
I,m not
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 "Apparently, I'm described as a "Nice Guy" and I'm recently finding out that girls don't like that, for some reason."
Have you written here before? Because this is an age old excuse. But if you're fresh here, I want you to read these two threads, and they will give you ALL the answers you need:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/nice-guys-.html
and
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-so-many-girls-such-as-myself.html
My question for you now is: do you flirt? Getting a girlfriend has nothing at all to do with anything other than knowing how to flirt. Yes, you need to have attractive qualities, being a hobo living in a box and drowning in depth will severely decrease your chances, but you're still not all out of the game even then!
You need to chat up women and flirt with them, be yourself, but being yourself does not mean you don't have to try and impress or always stay in your comfort zone. Do you ever move out of your comfort zone and flirt? Do you ask women on dates? Do you get dates? If so, what goes wrong, why do you not meet the women again and let things progress?
You need to be more specific.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): It's all about evolution. The nice guys are not the most successful in life so women don't prefer them the most. Women prefer sexy jerks when they are young, fertile, and ready to get pregnant (in a pre-birth control world).
In a few more years women will undergo a change of their feelings. They will suddenly want guys like you. By that time they will be old enough to have lots of kids already (in a pre-birth control world) and they will need a stable man more than a badass sexy semen donor.
So perk up! Women don't find you desirable enough to actually reproduce with you, but you will be good enough to help raise another man's kids with them later on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Well i dont know about the other girls but being a nice guy is a great thing,dont change that. I´m not sure whats happening for you to not have a relationship but maybe your insecurities are getting in the way. Be positive and show it,be confident and go for it.
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