A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The end of November I met a guy online from a neighboring state. He was 2 months away from his divorce being final and I was 1 month divorced. We were going to take it slow since all of this was new for us. But, we really hit it off. He wore his feelings on his sleeve and told me how much he liked me, etc. We were very excited.Anyway, late in December we made plans to meet in person. I don't know what happened but the day he was supposed to visit I contacted him but I never heard back from him. I didn't know what was going on. So a couple of days later I asked what happened and he was really stressing as his divorce was approaching and he explained all of that and felt we should meet later. So we didn't communicate for about a week when I contacted him. He was so happy to hear from me and said he had been thinking about me but he thought I didn't want to talk until after his divorce. We were so happy to be communicating again. Then a couple of weeks later in January once again he changed. When I asked about it, he was really having problems and didn't know how to handle it. So I asked if we should stop communicating until after his divorce because I didn't want to complicate things. He didn't reply. So I left him alone.His divorce was final the end of January. I hoped to hear from him but I didn't. On a whim, last week I saw him online for the first time and I said hello and we started chatting. I was cautious because I didn't want to be disappointed again. He was so happy I reached out to him saying he couldn't thank me enough. We even talked about meeting in person. He was so sweet and we were excited again. Each day was better and better. He said he had a big smile on his face all day thinking about me. I don't know. I thought he was so genuine. But once again by the end of the week he stopped communicating. My quick and dirty and hard to accept conclusion is that no matter how genuine he seemed about his interest in me, he really isn't. I feel so foolish!!! If someone, another guy especially, can help me understand why a guy would do this, it might help me be on guard when meeting new guys in the future.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (17 March 2011):
 hi
a few reasons spring to mind.. he may be married or at least in a relationship with someone and after all the chat and planning to meet you he finds he cannot take the time do do this or has an attack of a guilty conscience. it may be that he just likes the online attention and chatting to you gives him something to fill his time with, or maybe for he for some reason has not got the confidence to actually meet you in person.
i think you should just stop trying to analyse his reasons, it's not worth your time! don't let yourself be put off men coz they are not all like this!! i hope you meet someone who is grown up enough to not treat you in this appalling way in the future
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): Neither of you is ready for another relationship in my opinion. You need time to regroup and sort yourselves out.The fact that he's gun shy is understandable. How he has chosen to handle it is not. What you're getting now is a glimpse into what a future with him holds. Every time he feels stress, he runs and hides and leaves others wondering. Is that what you want in a partner?You're right. If he wanted you badly enough and was ready for a relationship HE would be chasing YOU, not the other way round. Don't waste time discussing it with him. Just move on with class.
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A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (17 March 2011):
 Is it possible he doesn't want to get into a serious relationship since he is so newly divorced? A little gun-shy perhaps? In any case, his actions do not match his words. This would lead me to believe that he is being dishonest, or has something to hide. It's hard to know for sure.
People can hide lots of things in online relationships. Sometimes they are not at all what they say they are, they are who they will they were. He seems to only want to communicate online. He doesn't seem to want to communicate in person. This is a red flag. I think he has been deceitful in some way and knows if you get to know him better, or he meets you in person, you will find out the truth.
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