A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:This isn't really a love question.I've heard from several people in my lifetime that 'people don't like me' 'people have unpleasant things to say about me' or 'people dont care for me and if I come up, it's negative' or that 'i talk smack about people and that we shud all steer clear of me' (i like how ppl are talking smack about ME while they state this)I'd like to think I'm a bubbly and fun person whose always smiling and WANTs to be liked by people. Im center of attention in groups (something i can see why ppl wont like) and have gotten better with this.I also know that i trust people easily and will sometimes vent or rant to people about a friend or another person (which ive stopped doing) I know i feel the need to talk about stuff with people.I know im sort of clueless or oblivious at times (and becoming more conscious of it)I also know that maybe sometimes i overbear a conversation which might piss people off and they dont want to talk to me.But im not a bad person, i didnt think i was really that awful, i always just wanted to be liked, so why do you think so many people have so many negative things to say about me?in college i only had one real friend, i didnt have a click like most people do in college, it wasn't fun (probably b/c no one wanted to be friends with me.)it really hurts but i am going overseas and i want a fresh start. Can you tell me how i couldd NEVER be talked about? how i can be a cool person where people can only say positive things about me?Ive learned never to talk negatively about anyone to steer clear of drama or that 'she talks s**t girl' talk ive heard before.Thank you! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): It's no use dwelling on what people think of you- you'll never be able to change their minds or control what they think. Instead, all of this thinking should be turned into action. You say you are a "bubbly, fun smiling" person, then do something that will put your positive spirit to test. Volunteer at an animal shelter, organization or food bank. Start giving more to others and they will give to you in return.
It's good you stopped talking about people- if you need to vent in the future, stop for a minute and try to picture yourself in their shoes. If they were rude to you, think about what you said. If you said nothing insulting, perhaps they had a bad day. Always give them the benefit of doubt, since you never know what someone is going through.
It's good that you are doing a lot of self-reflecting and thinking, but it's time to get out there and do something about that. Just be confident and positive in yourself- treat yourself well, but also treat others with respect and kindness. Good luck!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 July 2010):
 So that you don't think I am having a go at you, let me tell you that I share with you ( or at least used to share ) ALL the four personality traits you mentioned.
So I am not surprised that you get negative reactions. Why ? Because, let's face it, they are rather obnoxious behaviours that may make people feel antagonized or put down. And because often they come with a certain cockiness and self assurance that some people envy.
I realized that, and I tuned it down , without ever giving up to being myself. Only , I try to remember that , if the world is a stage,- the show is more interesting when all the actors take turns in performing.
I think you have already understod that well and you will be able to keep in check your " me me me " tendencies .
Another thing you can do to quit being too critical toward people ( the ranting and venting ) is noticing that when something really bothers us in other people... it's something that we also do or would like to do, and we
don't like that in ourselves.
You should hear me thunder against lazy,procrastinating people... from the comfy "hole " that took the shape of my body on my couch :)
Said that, eventually the best advice I can give you is : ignore what people says about you. Do your honest best and be the best person you can be,- but if by being yourself you can't please everybody or be universally liked- so be it. Not your problem.
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A
female
reader, kearaaaXoXo +, writes (21 July 2010):
Don't worry about what other people say about you. I know it's bothersome but as long as you like who you are and who you hve become nothing else should matter.
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