A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I like to think of myself as a nice guy. I enjoy breaking the myth that nice guys finish last, I'm well off, good at my job, phyisically fit and an acomplished sportsman. I have however fallen flat on my face when it comes to dating. Women just are not interested and one of the most common things I hear when talking to women is that they like 'bad boys' and I can't help but wonder why. Do women like being treated badly? Do women like being cheated on and spoken down to? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, metalmike76  +, writes (4 October 2009):
it sucks guys...what it comes down to is...while shes hot and young(when you want her most) shes a dumbass who wants to waste time with a badboy.
when shes old, pot belly'ed and tagging two of his kids along, thats when you as the nice guy gets her. pretty sweet huh?
bad boys get prime select....nice guys get the leftovers.
painful but true!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): dude . nice to know there are other nice guys out there. i do agree with the others where the whole attraction to bad boys is associated with maturity. it usually happens during high school. but the reality of the situation is that people are superficial in general. no one will admit this but that is the case. it mostly has to do with the influences we have in life. the kind of girl you are looking is considered a myth. the ideal girl that is physically attractive but at the same time has a down to earth persona just don't exist. even if they do they are probably taken anyways. and you definitely don't find them in clubs or bars. that is one of the biggest misconception people have. take me for example. i am 6 foot tall have a nice body and a pretty face. one thing i found in common is that the girls i met or have gone out with from clubs all tend to have the same persona. very immature wild and have a tendency to mix with the wrong crowd. these girls don't want a relationship which i am assuming you are looking for. they just want to f**k around hence the whole attraction to bad boys as they tend to have that in common. and trust me. nice or bad guy. nothing compares with money. at the end of the day its what you want that matters. and once you have figured it out. make sure you look in the right places. (if my guess is right . the reason you have been rejected is probably because the women you approach have the physical features you desire but not the persona and you most likely met them in a club or bar .. do correct me if i am wrong )note: to anyone reading this, please cut the pretty boys and male models some slack . we get shit from just about anyone all the time. much appreciated !!
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male
reader, Sage99 +, writes (1 September 2009):
Dude. Women that like bad boys are idiots! They get exactly what they deserve going after losers. To paraphrase Courtney Love, "When they get what they want, they never want it again."
Find yourself someone with some self-respect and a brain.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I was having this discussion with a really good female friend of mine and after much discussion she finally said "Girls want Bad Boys until they get hurt enough to become women then they start looking for a Good Man." And I woke up this morning and realized how true that is, you never here it said that a Girl wants a Good Man, you hear that "girls" like bad boys and "women" want a Good Man. So to me that suggests it has to do with maturity level. And yes she also mentioned that "girls" like to find someone they can look after they want to help the bad boys. I guess this may go to their nurturing nature they've got to get practice somewhere I suppose. Then when they become a woman want to be taken care of or at least be able to shift their focus to the ones that actually need nurturing.....the babies! This tells me we have to stop looking for "women" where there are only "girls".
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female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (3 June 2009):
 The benevolent aspects of helping a boyfriend can happen if the lad is a bad boy, but also, if he's quiet and shy.
Basically why is it the girls responsibility to help him? Why is it our responsibility to keep him on the straight and narrow, or bring him out of himself in confidence terms?
I am not saying don't be caring or whatever. Bascially such helping and caring attitudes should be a two-way thing, he should be supportive towards you too - which makes a relationship far less complex.
I am glad that the last poster is happy. I think a relationship should be like a best friend too.
I agree, be yourself, and you will find a girl who is similar in personality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): okay, this is really long, i'm sorry, but i thought a lot about this and i think this answer is pretty worth it. especially from a first-hand point of view.
hang in there. we're just idiots sometimes. a lot of us that end up with "bad boys" don't consciously choose this (though sometimes we do)... sometimes girls are attracted to bad boys because they're just liars and make themselves seem more interesting and complicated than they really are. they also do this thing ALL THE TIME where they somehow weasel into our brains and make us feel like we are the *only one* who really understands them, that way they can get away with treating us like an asshole because they're really just "misunderstood" by all our friends and family trying to warn us to dump their sorry ass ha.
but, at least speaking for myself, i think maybe the #1 reason we go for bad boys is because we feel like we can help them. bad boys give us a sort of angelic, benevolent feeling in comparison, like we're their sanity or antidote or something, like we're needed. this can be a really appealing thing from a feminine perspective because a lot of girls like to feel like they can help/change someone they love for the better. and we love to feel needed.
another less complicated reason is that a lot of times bad boys just go for what they want, and if that happens to be you, it can be a really flattering feeling. also, because they're usually players, they tend to have a lot of girls waiting around on them, which puts more pressure on us to date them because we know that they could easily find a more attractive girl if we take too long deciding whether we want this guy or not.
there are a lot of similar reasons... it's really not that complicated when it comes down to it though. we convince ourselves for whatever reason that we like these jerks, then make all kinds of excuses for them when they treat us badly. this is probably so cliche to say, but in the movie "he's just not that into you" one guy explains it really well to this girl by saying, "The 'spark' is shit... Guys invented the 'spark' so that they could not call, and treat you kind of bad, and keep you guessing, and they convince you that that anxiety and that fear that they're throwing at you is actually, just a 'spark'. And you guys all buy it. You eat it up. And you love it. You love it because you feed off that drama. You all love that drama." this is, sadly, soooo true. for years i dated guys who treated me horribly because of the feeling i got every time they'd ignore me all day, then FINALLY text me with some meager scrap of conversation. i (and lots of other girls) convinced myself that the feeling of desperation and neglect welling up inside me was just a sign of how much i really liked him and needed him, when in reality i'd be so much better off without him.
we don't mean to overlook nice guys; usually we just don't notice them because they don't hit on us, because they're not just jerks out for sex. sometimes the bad boys just catch our attention first because they make it a point to. but don't change how you are - don't start hitting on girls with cheesy pick up lines or acting all bold and suave and smooth-talking if that's not how you really are.
the guy i'm with now was my best friend for 5 years before we dated. i always loved being around him and i knew he would be perfect for me, but for some reason i just wasn't attracted to him (i often explained this with the dreaded phrase "he's like my brother"). aside from about a year and a half when he had a girlfriend, i think he was pretty much on the verge of falling in love with me for our whole friendship. but he never told me (i always found out second-hand) or tried to hit on me or any of that, he was just an incredible, sweet, best friend and never did anything to damage our friendship. after dating enough jerks and getting some sense knocked into me, i found out he still liked me and realized how incredibly lucky i was that he hadn't gotten tired of waiting around for me; we've been dating for seven months now and it is THE BEST relationship i've ever been in or could ask for. we love each other very much and we're really honest and considerate and haven't gotten into a single fight yet. he really is the epitome of the "nice guys finish last" scenario but it's payed off in such a huge way.
my bottom line is, i know it sucks but if you really do just hang in there someone will finally notice how great you are. don't be tempted to be an asshole. it might be worth it for a moment but not in the long run. girls just have weird ways of picking guys sometimes but eventually most of us grow up and stop being so immature and naive and realize what a real man is like ha. nice guys might finish last but they also get the best relationships.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): ok, mr good boy , what are you looking for in a woman. perhaps if you indicate the type you are looking for the good people here may just find a solution to why you are falling "flat on your face". something is not right here. maybe you are not assetive enough, looking for love in all the wrong places? the "bad boy" antics i thought died a while back. but it seems i am wrong after reading the replies here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): From personal experience it more or less appears to be the excitement that so called "bad boys" give women. The physical abuse is tolerated in even some of the most extreme cases, because the guy is usually able to convince the female that they deserved the beating that they recieved, causing the female to feel guilt. In other cases the female is so used to being beat that it just doesn"t phase them as it would a women who has never recieved that level of physical abuse.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Personally I don't like "bad boys", but I do like assertive, masculine men. If a guy is all lukewarm, if he overthinks things and wants me to make decisions for him, if he allows me to walk all over him etc etc. I get really turned off. When dating a guy, how "well-off" he is or whether he is a good sportsman is not so important. But I really love a man who knows what he wants, doesn't pussyfoot around women and doesn't pander to princesses! Doesn't mean he has to be a jerk, or that women like to be treated poorly. Quite the opposite.I'm dating a guy now who for our second date said "we're going to X tonight, wear something pretty and I will pick you up at 8" kind of thing. Simple, forward and no-nonsense. I'll take that attitude any day.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Women don't really like bad boys. But the problenm is that usually the bad boys are also the smooth talkers and convince girs to hang in there.
I have been married to a bad guy for many years and he is a nasty, lying cheating bastard but he always convinced me things are \ok. \
\well they are not OK and I am about to leave and hopefully find someone like you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Believe me most girls go through a phase of liking the bad boy. But once you've been hurt by a couple of them the fun sorta disappears and you endlessly search for that nice guy! Theres many girls that will like you as much as theirs many girls that prefer badboys. Its all about finding her! Women dont enjoy being treated badly at all, they like to think their badboy would never hurt them and they can save them from their wild life and live happily ever after. But it doesnt happen that way. Bad boys are cowards that hide behind an arrogant exterior, get what they want from a woman then leave. And they leave a trail of destruction as they go as well. I'm sure theres alot of girls out there for you! Your still young, dont be worrying too much about finding her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): I agree with Freebird...the thrill wears thin quickly. And we find ourselves hating the very things that attracted us to them in the first place...I love what FB said about being left battered, shattered, and tattered!
So, although bad boys are fun for a while, their true colors are disappointing and often devestating!
The good guys are the lucky ones who find women who they actually deserve. So, don't give up...you will find her!
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female
reader, QuartzKitty +, writes (30 May 2009):
Women find confidence in men attractive.
Unfortunately, many women are not taught what true confidence is. So they overlook and ignore men who genuinely are confident, instead mistaking the arrogance and self-absorption of 'bad boys' for true confidence. So, when they get hurt, no one is surprised but them.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): It works both ways.Some men prefer being with the " bad girls " too,and don't go for the nice ones.It was particularly that way for me in school.I have always been the " nice girl " and lads always went for the 2 bad girls ".Sometiems thats still true now that i am in my twenties.I've found that some men who are much older than myself have been attracted to me though since i became an adult,which took me by surprise because i wasnt popular with guys when i was in my teens at all.And lads my own age have started to notice me too.I think in both cases they go for the bad ones if they dont want a committed relationship,but if they are looking for something long term, they go for the nicer people.I think they also go for the bad ones because they seem more confident and worldly,some of them could be quite flirty too.I knew someone who had had a bad reputation and he was quite flirty as he winked at me alot,and it gave me a confidence boost when he did that and made me melt !.He was also confident and had a great sense of humour.And i knew a " nice guy " but at the same time he was too clingy and obsessed and insecure.So i think both kinds of people have their good points and bad points.People really need to find a balance between the two.Someone who is nice and committed,and confident,honest,with a good sense of humour, and someone who is willing to give you your own space sometimes and not be clingy or obsessed or too insecure.
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female
reader, freebird  +, writes (30 May 2009):
 Hi,
I was with a sworn 'bad boy' who became worser day by day and eventually ditched me. I think some women like me like to think of themselves as saviours and angels of bad boys and subsequently get battered , shattered and tattered. But definitely such illusions do not last forever.
So I can assure you your worth is yet to be understood by womankind. And meanwhile you could start thinking of yourselves as sexy and mysterious if not bad!!!
Cheers
FB
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Bad boys are fun for some girls for a while becuase they don't care about how they are being treated because they are not looking for real, true love. They're looking for fun, and the bad boy is there to take them on the adventure. Badboys lose out when it comes to settling down though, and getting into a serious relationship that is more than sex and games.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): You have probably only known adolescent and immature girls, so far, anon. Most of them are pretty dumb when it comes to men. 'Bad Boys' may look more sexy and fun, but they are usually losers...and also cowards..afraid of any kind of commitment. Girls usually figure this out in a few years, but some are slow. Don't worry about it. By the time you are ready for a serious relationship, you will find her. She has probably been wondering where you were.
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female
reader, candyluvsu01 +, writes (30 May 2009):
 a bad boy doesnt have to be an asshole...
i know i tend to go for the bad boys because they are:
-harder to get to open up
-better when they start to care about me
-be kind of like my body gaurd so no body wants to mess with me
-all my friends love bad boys so they will all envy me and it will most likely be the the main conversation for atleast a week
-etc. etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): Personally, I think the attraction to so called 'badboys' is that they know how to make you feel on cloud nine. They make you feel for that short amount of time to feel the most valued woman in the world. They have a quick wit which is sexy and enticing. They usually also are pretty gorgeous because that's what they use to their advantage, pretty vain but true. Badboys are clever, they know how to make women feel for them, but they only want them until the next woman comes along. Yet I do believe they all change when they meet the right person, just when they are badboys they like to play the field, but why not?
However, you sound pretty damn marvellous to me. I think any girl would be lucky to have you, you just need to find the right girl. My tip is conversation-that is the key, if you can keep a girl talking you have won them over, be witty etc.
Best of luck
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female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (30 May 2009):
 It is not because they like being treated badly it is normally because 'bad boys' are generous, exciting, daring, up to no good, normally carry around large amounts of cash and are spontaneous and unpredictable. I am particularly attracted to 'a bit of rough' and this is because these men often have a bit of vunerability attached which personally turns me wild.
However it is a true fact that these guys are a bit of fun but you would not choose to settle down and marry one. You will be and are exactly what a decent girl is looking for for a long term relationship so I would just continue as you are. It is purely a waiting game.
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female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (30 May 2009):
When you word it like that, it doesn't make sense does it. Women wouldn't really want to be treated badly. However there is a certain sort of girl who repeatedly goes for the wrong type of lad, the sort you mention. Then they split up, then she goes for somebody similar, and on it goes and the heartache continues... until years later when she finally meets somebody decent to settle down with.
Sometimes girls go for a rogue for a one night stand, or a short fling, but that's totally a different sort of person whom she would settle down with and marry.
Perhaps some boys and girls alike are looking for sexual experience, rather than lasting relationships - knowing that perhaps things won't last anyway when you are young. So in that respect it doesn't matter if you go out with the wrong sort of person, because you might not be ready to settle down anyway - so if you go for a bad-lad, then that takes the blame of you not being ready - I dunno, just a guess.
Don't sell yourself short, looking for a bad-girl type either.
Perhaps you have been quite mature, not just after the one thing. Perhaps you have focussed on sports and your work, and not relationships? Some people who are successful in work, don't have time to focus on relationships and that's the one area of their life that isn't going smoothly.
Nonetheless, there are so many girls who would find somebody mature, settled and reliable attractive - I know that was all I was ever looking for.
Perhaps you are now getting ready to find somebody who is like yourself, who shares your values and you have stuff in common with, that's great and by the sounds of it, you'll make a girl happy. Rather you would make eachother happy.
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