A
female
age
30-35,
*hrissy121005
writes:Why do women in abusive relationship return to the guy?i've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, which im 15 and hes 18, and even though i break up with him when he leaves brozes on me, i ALWAYS go back. my mom was in a domestic violence relationship with my father and it was the same story, so i was wondering y we go back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): i dont know tbh.it is exactly the same with me.im 15 and my boyfriend is 23.he's a drug dealer and often takes the sh*t aswell.he leaves bruises, black eyes, fractured ribs on me.but i still go running back to him.
A
female
reader, chrissy121005 +, writes (27 March 2009):
chrissy121005 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow, those words were very wise. thanks so much
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (26 March 2009):
 Telling someone IS an option. If he hasn't told people he is with you, then he's using you. This is a control tactic where he is making you keep something secret out of fear of losing him or incuring his anger. You always have an option to tell people. Don't let him take your voice.
You said it yourself that you know he is manipulative, you know he is abusive. Even if you don't tell people that he is abusive (which I believe you should) you can still leave him. Nothing is forcing you to stay with him, and if he is telling you that you cannot leave, then that is a huge red flag that you need to tell a school counselor about him so the can help protect you.
This man is dangerous. You must leave him. You will absolutely not get in trouble for protecting yourself. I would be more worried about being hit/ molested than being grounded for a month. Being grounded ends, abuse doesn't unless you tell someone.
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A
female
reader, chrissy121005 +, writes (26 March 2009):
chrissy121005 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts just that no one would ever believe me if i tell them hes abusive, are WHOLE school loves my boyfriend, he is so popular. and we just got back together last night again, but im out of town, i just hate it that i cant resist it. and i hate it that he acts like nothing happen, after i cryed the whole day before i left town cuz he had a nasty break up because of other people talking crap.
he just no's how to munipulate me SO well.
and im not suppose to date, and everyone that found out were together in the first place no's that we broke up, but they dont no we got back together, so telling someone isnt really an opion for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): You've asked the question, so you know that something's wrong. You know in your heart that you deserve better. And you are absolutely right -- you *do* deserve better. NO girl deserves to be hit, NO girl deserves to be put down.
Leave him, and stay away from him. Find someone -- a cop, an uncle, some trusted man, who will keep this lowlife away from you once you've made the break.
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A
male
reader, Mr Me +, writes (26 March 2009):
 For the sake of you knowing that there are MANY people out there that agree with this: I completely second what Jessica said!!
Summed up: kids tend to mimic what they see in their parents growing up. It's a nature vs nurture thing.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (26 March 2009):
Women who were raised with domestic violence and see the one parent always going back to te abuse are much more likely to go back themselves.
Your BF is too old for you anyways.
I know this is much more easily said than done, but leave. Dump him and jsut don't talk to him again, cut off all lines of communication.
For some women, it's a feeling of low self worth, that they are somehow lucky to be with the guy. That if he does these horrible things to them and still loves them, then jsut imagine all the worse things that could be happening if they were with someone else. You start believeing the garbage they tell you, that you're nothing and that you need them, that no one else will take you.
Another part of it can be fear that he will come after you even more if you try leaving.
And some women still thin that because this guy tells them he loves them, then surely they can still change him.
No one will change for you, they can only change if they want to, and most men who are the abusers in a relationship have no desire to change and give up the control.
I too was in an abusive relationship, and it ended when my ex got tired of me and moved on to someone else. Don't let that happen to you. Take control of your own life and leave. Empower yourself.
Tell your mom so she can stand by your side. Tell school counselors what he does so they can get involved (assuming he still goes to your school). If he has already graduated, then he could even be arrested for abusing a minor.
You are worth so much more. You have your entire youth ahead of you. Don't waste it on someone so undeserving.
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