A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:Why would you get post natal depression? What is there to get depressed about? As I haven't had children I can't understand. As opposed to be single and getting depressed because you haven't met The right person yet and don't know if you will have any before it's too late. And also having rude co workers constantly asking when are you going to get married and pregnant? Even when they know you haven't met The right person? Why get depressed when you know you've had a kid, while others steuggle to find someone or even get pregnant? As people are having children later.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Having kids doesn't give me the right to judge those who doesn't. I have friends who CHOSE to not have kids, I think that is their right and their choice.
But in your case, you NEED to learn how to tell people to BUTT out of your life if they stomp around in your private life and it's something you don't want to share or can't share.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 September 2012):
 I don't judge folks who don't have kids.
And I'm sorry you are feeling so hammered but I sense that you are bringing some of it on yourself...
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (14 September 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy intention wasn't to judge anyone at all and dont know anyone that had it. Especially as people who have kids love judging people like me who haven't yet. And they can be really rude about it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 September 2012):
Something is going on with you personally that is causing everyone to ask about pregnancy and a man... seriously... maybe someone at work would inquire once in a while... I Know I used to tease one of the girls I work with that it was "time for a baby" but eventually I stopped.
she just had a baby after 3 years of trying.... I just had figured she didn't want any and that was ok... I had no clue she and her hubby were struggling so hard to get pregnant... knowing that now I will never again ask anyone... it causes pain to those who WANT and can't have.
IF you have a ONE co-worker that keeps asking... just tell her that you will put her on the list of folks to notify as soon as your status changes but that you would appreciate it if she would not ask you any more about it....
as for post-partum depression. I've had two kids. I had it with my second baby but not my first... and my second baby was the "reward" baby.... my older son is my disabled child (he's 28 now).... if I was PLANNING or WANTING to be depressed about having a baby don't you think I would have picked the disabled kid to be depressed over???
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2012):
 I haven't had children either. I just try to put myself in their position and think about how that might feel. It isn't that difficult.
I have noticed that some people have very sensitive antennae, and perceive slights and insults where none is intended. Maybe you fall into this category?
If you feel harassed or insulted by this particular co-worker, perhaps just have a stock answer for her: "Alas, I haven't had the good fortune to have children yet. It hurts a lot when people keep asking me why. I hope you understand when I ask that you stop asking me. Thanks."
What did you think of the link I found for you?
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (9 September 2012):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou but I'm quite insulted that people think I'm having a laugh- not at all. Yes I find it hard to understand as I haven't had children myself so therefore can't speak from experience. I find this hard to understand as I'm always rudely asked why I haven't had any myself, as if I should just get pregnant to anyone.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 September 2012):
I must admit I was a bit surprised when I saw that a woman had asked 'why get depressed after having a baby'. The only other time I've ever heard that question was from a man who didn't really get women.
The bottom line is that having a baby for a woman has a huge effect on hormones/chemicals in the body. Right from conception, a woman's body goes through hundreds of changes to accommodate the baby right until the birth. Then, after the birth, the baby isn't there and the woman's body starts to change again.
These changes can cause major chemical changes, which in turn can cause different degrees if depression. Some women get 'baby blues', some get severe depression, others even have psychotic episodes.
I would suggest to you that do a lot of research into it so that you understand PND is not just 'depression'. It's a lot more than that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 September 2012):
Honestly, I thought this was a joke at first.
No woman chooses to have postpartum depression. It has to do with a chemical and hormonal imbalance brought on BY the pregnancy and birth.
Instead of being jealous toward women who suffer through this, you should dig up some empathy and maybe HELP that person out.
As for annoying co-workers - tell them to back off. That once you met "the one" you will let them ALL know, but until then, to leave you be with the dating questions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): What makes you think that having a husband and a baby automatically makes you happy? Happiness comes from yourself, noone else. No outside forces can make you happy. Also, just to reiterate- Post natal depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. Your hormones go completey crazy after having a baby and 8/10 women suffer from 'baby blues'. Why don't you actually open your mind, talk to someone who's been through this and listen with open ears, not defensive ones, and if you really listen about this person and not think for an instant about yourself and your position, then maybe you'll understand. P.S There's plenty of happy single ladies out there, who can go out whenever they like, don't have to compromise on anything, don't have to get up in the middle of the nights and do night feeds, can actually rest when they're sick, can go out to a public place without worrying about your child making a scene, can stay out as late as you want cos you don't have to get back to put your kids in bed at a certain time, who can get time to themselves and have some real 'me time' whenever they like, who arent constantly hounded by the worry that your kids will fall and hurt themselves or get seriously ill, whose energy isn't completely taken up by picking up after their children, who get to eat their dinner whilst it's hot because they dont have to feed their kids first. Kids are great and they're so fulfilling, but they are very very hard work. You're only young, just enjoy your freedom whilst you can and have some compassion for those that aren't in the same boat as you.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (8 September 2012):
Post partum depression is usually caused by a chemical imbalance. Its not a choice by any means. Some people say that they are depressed when they are very sad and going through hard times, and while that is essentially depression, clinical depression is quite different in that its a chemical imbalance occurring in your body that typically requires medication. Post partum depression falls along the lines of clinical depression and needs to be treated. Its not a concious choice. I do agree with trish and person. It sounds like you are angry or jealous what ever your situation may be. Having kids can be very hard esp if they have medical issues or your family life is struggling in other aspects. My son was born with hip displaysia~his left hip would pop out of its socket. I take him to stanford and on one occasion met a woman whose daughter had surgery and was in casts and husband was on dialysis. She struggled w depression. So you never know what ppl are going through.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 September 2012):
 Post-partum depression isn't about a decision or regret or upset, it's a chemical/hormonal imbalance that occurs after the sudden change in hormones from giving birth. It's a serious medical issue that affects many women. I've never given birth but I know many women who suffered from this and said it was awful. They wanted to love their new babies, but all they could feel was complete and total despair. It's a very serious mental condition, not an issue of women having babies and making some problem up to slight single women.
Why are you so angry at women who suffer from this? Do you also believe women who go through labor should stop whining about how painful and difficult it is because at least they get a baby?
These medical conditions aren't made up simply to make single women feel bad. The fact that some women have children or a husband or get what they want doesn't exempt them from sadness or medical issues.
I think your anger is misplaced. Being a victim to a medical problem is not these women being ungrateful for their children.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2012):
You write the question as though being depressed is a conscious, rational decision. It isn't. Women get postnatal depression due to hormonal changes and overwhelming stress. It may not seem overwhelming to an outside observer, but you don't know the extent of the mum's defenses and in many cases, they simply aren't enough to ward it off.
Do you lack empathy and compassion for others? Do you have trouble understanding what others may feel? I ask quite seriously as this is what your question seems to suggest.
It also sounds as though you are feeling angry at a specific individual who lacks empathy and compassion for your own circumstances, which are not of your choosing, it seems.
If you are angry at a diffuse group of people who have done nothing to you, perhaps admit that there's an irrational side to your feelings. Accept the feelings and start to ask yourself, "what part of me is so upset by this?"
If you are angry at a specific person, who appears to have postnatal depression and who lacks empathy for you, consider this: she simply doesn't have the capacity to understand that her words are hurtful to you. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to convey how hurtful you find those types of questions and that you would like some compassion and empathy yourself. Now, the problem with this is that a person suffering with depression isn't processing her own emotions in a healthy way so trying to get her to understand your side may be futile. In which case, the best thing you can do is to.... let it go. Acknowledge to yourself how hurtful you find the words, experience your anger as an emotion, observe yourself doing these things. Become aware of how you experience emotions and just let it happen. Don't wallow. Accept the feelings, and then let them go.
You may find some interesting reading on my profile, which will help you detach from the busy monkey mind that seems to making you miserable. You are not your thoughts. Once you grasp that, you are on the path to happiness, acceptance and joy. Even in the company of non-empathetic and depressed people.
Here's some background on postnatal depression: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004481/
Hope this helps you find empathy for the person suffering from postnatal depression.
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