A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started using a dating site about two months ago now without very much success. This is mainly because everyone I begin talking to would eventually lose complete interest in me. It never starts out this way however, I'd first hit it off very well with someone and we'd talk for many days straight, either via email or text messaging but not very often on the phone. I'm just confused why they lose interest in me so suddenly after having talked and flirted with me a whole bunch. It gives me the impression that it's something that I'm not doing right.Normally I prefer to communicate either in person or on the phone, typically on the phone first then in person. I've had success in talking with women through an instant messaging program or chat room in the past however I don't know if that's considered equal to talking via text/email. Could it be that I'm just not moving towards actual dating fast enough? Because I tend to keep communication going for several days to over a week before ever asking if they'd want to go out. If it's not this then I can only think that I've said something wrong or they have become bored of me. I just don't know how someone can show so much interest and then drop off the face of the earth. It makes me lose motivation in trying to contact different women on the site. I hope someone can explain and give me some insight on how this can happen.On a side note I'm not talking about just anyone I talk to on there. I'm more specifically talking about the people I tend to make a connection with and can communicate very well with. There are many people who show lack of interest from the beginning and don't give me much to work with so I don't take them into account. I'm also not very new to dating sites, I used one a year ago as well. I also asked someone out on that site and got a yes but we have not planned a date yet, she has also shown less interest in me lately.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (3 September 2012):
 It's a couple of things I think. Texting and email is very different from instant messaging chats and the phone. When talking through IM or phone it is a continuous conversation and you tend to click more. Texting and email doesn't feel like really talking or personal, there is too much of a gap between responses. Also you are taking too long to pursue a date or meetup. I would definitely lose interest in a guy if all we did was talk by email or text and he didn't ask me out. To be honest I'd think he wasn't all that invested and is trying to juggle a couple of girls at once. And another thing is that on dating sites women get A LOT of attention, far more than guys. For every one email you get a woman would get 5. So if you don't seem all that interested in making a date she has another guy who is and she will go for that. So I'd suggest trying to talk via IM then phone after the initial email displaying interest and its reciprocated. Then planning a date within the first couple days of talking. This comes from much experience with online dating.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 It is hard to maintain a text conversation with someone you don't know, even if you initially connect well. Pinging messages back and forth is the same; both can get a little boring and awkward. I think that perhaps you should sugguest exchanging numbers and meeting for a coffee sooner rather than later - not after a few messages, but before you both run out of things to text about. Good luck!
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