A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi , I met a guy recently (less than a month). I never accepted to truly date someone before him, and he is the first guy I truly want to know, date ... When we met he was very sweet , he asked for my number, and called within two days. He texted me a lot, made jokes, was funny and asked a lot of questions about me. He wanted to know if I had someone in my life...It was sweet and all, but i felt so shy that i said complete stupid things to him, i just talked about college and useless subjects. In real life I am a shy woman with men in general, but i am easily put at ease and able to build a friendship with a man or a woman.I wanted to tell him about me and know about him so much, but I was so shy that I just said nothing when he called me. Well once he made a joke about my house location, and I told him jokingly; that it was a giant house (which is true, but it is a very simple house), and asked about his house. He lives in an apprtment with his family. I think he felt diminished by my joke, but a thing I havent told him is that my parents had started very modestly and that we are very normal people. My parents have to work hard for every penny...Since than he was different but still called me from time to time, asking what I was doing, but he stopped texting me. We had some nice chat, and when I asked him why he did not want to pursue his studies to unversity knowing it is a very good option for him in the future(because my father works in his field, which I did not mention), he told me it was his personnal decision and happiness. I feel I insulted him and showed disrespect, but I just wanted to understand, I so much respect him. After that he only called me once and I was the one texting him. He answers my text messages, but no more initiating them. I feel I ruined a great relationship.He is very nice and polite no matter what, which is incredible. I am at the same semester that he is in, but he is older by 4 years than me. At first he thought I was older, it really surprised him to know my age. I don't know if it put him off( i am 18). I understand that his life was not very easy by the past, and I wish he knows that I will love him and respect him , even if his life and situation is not easy. I never had such a strong feeling for someone, and it makes me very clumsy, I just wish I was nicer to him , and less shy at the beginning.At the third week he just stopped showing any interest, no more calls or txts. After a week, I decided to text him, one friend took my phone she asked him under my name, if he was interested or not anymore. He says that there was no such thing as interested or not, that I seemed nice, and he wanted to know me. Knowing his extreme politeness, I am not sure it was not just a way to tell me he wants me out of his life. Well the same day, we met, both surprised, we just continued to walk in different directions. He does not look at me , as he looked at me the first time, there is no more sparkle in his eyes, no more sheer happiness to his voice. I feel that I killed his love. He texted me later to ask if I was angry, and if I finished my day. We texted, he was nice but I don't know if he did this cause I seemed sad during our brief face to face. I so much wish, he knows I am from a modest family, what I have to work for my books and that i am not superficial , but i like to know people and I like them and accept them for who you are.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 i feel this is a mis-understanding that needs to be put right.
He may have thought you were boasting. But really you were just a little flustered.
Invite him to share lunch with him in a nice quiet place, where you can talk. Don't choose a grand nor expensive place. Just a nearby place that is not noisy, and where you will not be rushed (rules out the fast food places).
Tell him truthfully that you were flustered and flattered by his presence. And that you feel you have given him the wrong impression.
Ask him if you and he can start again, because you did sense a good connection between the two of you.
If all goes well and he initiates the next date, then you can move forward.
If you go on a date that he initiates, and you both appear to enjoy, then in the future find a way to invite him to a low key family even. Maybe not even at your home. Maybe a more casual family event or outing where he can meet your parents in a more casual place with other family present.
Slowly slowly get to know him. Recognise that he may be shy and may think he does not 'measure up' to your family when in truth you and your family do not think that way at all.
But if it all does not work out, then my commiserations. Sometimes a promising connection just does not work out for a myriad of other reasons. And some of those reasons are completely out of your control.
Fingers Crossed for you x
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