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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hello,I've noticed a lot of porn related questions from females lately. The age-old question is "Why does he like to look at other women when he has me?".And the answer is difficult...Well, now I have a less common question. I'm a woman myself, and God knows sometimes I get insecure about porn, but...Why do women always want their men for themselves only, if it's known that men like "variety"?I can't even answer that but maybe some other ladies (or men, too) could help me with it. I find it funny, because it's normal for men to look at a variety of women and this is biologically proven, but why do some women want their men all to themselves? This doesn't sound biologically natural to me...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): Replacement, Okay, I guess certain studies say women are just as visual as men. But billions of dollars of smart investing says sexual visuals work MUCH better on men than women. The media, the advertising industry, the clothing industry, the cosmetics industries, the porn industry . . . the list goes on and on. The people making these decisions aren't interested in gender politics. They just want to get rich, and they'll do whatever crazy scheme works best to cause it no matter who it offends. I believe the money.
A
male
reader, charlie p  +, writes (11 September 2008):
if a woman has a problem with her bf's porn she should speak to him about it, but in my view women are troubled by it more than they should be. women and men are as different as north and south, so a woman will try to look at her man's actions from a woman's view, which generally involves looking into things a lot more than is necessary. porn, for example is just fun for him, and has no basis in his desire for a younger/thinner/more attractive etc woman. theres a huge difference in a man looking at porn and him being with you than him going after other women with intent, his viewing porn doesnt make him any less exclusive. i watch a little here and there and my gf views it as a silly male vice, as long as a am open about it if she asks and have nothing to hide.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (9 September 2008):
 I'm not sure why you're asking this question, the answer is obvious yet you keep fishing for something that we can't give you. You seem to be happy being 'flabby' and your boyfriend thinking 'tight' girls are 'hotter', and if that does it for you then keep on keeping on.
To the anonymous male, men aren't actually 'naturally' more visual than women, studies have shown that women ogle strange men more often and for longer bursts than men do to women. And some men don't really ogle at all whereas some men ogle everything they see, same goes for women. Also as a group women are turned on by a larger variety of visual stimulus than males are. But it's easier to judge it on an individual-to-individual basis than to generalize about a
whole gender. You're bound to go wrong if you do that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a woman, you on the other hand, are posting as a "male".
Maybe I don't get it as I still haven't got children, and hey, I'm not particularly thrilled about the beauty standards placed on women...
But I want to know where does this attachment comes from? I'm sorry you're hurting because your husband may be a jackass; but I'm not talking about men who stop caring about their wives to masturbate to porn. They obviously have issues.
I'm asking about those women who, even when they haven't had babies - like me - expect their men to be blind to any other form of beauty. I'm not talking about excessive ogling - rather, about the fact that as much love a man may feel towards his gf/wife, he still would get turned on in different situations by other women.
Of course, some jealousy from women is normal. Hey, I've experienced it. But I understand that men can get turned on by more than one female, even if he's seriously in love and devoted to his significant other. I've seen it happen.
(Of course, sometimes this happens with women too...)
What I'm curious about is why, or rather where does this attachment come from? What's the primal instinct behind it? Why is it caused? Because I understand some jealousy over the issue, but not thought control.
That's it, no need to hate on me and accuse me of being a man. I'm all girl, you know, I have cellulite and strecth marks and I'm 20. I'm supposed to be at my prime and all that crap that media feeds us, but I'm not, I have a flabby body, and even if I'm not thrilled about my bf thinking a tighter girl is hotter, I definitely don't want to control his thoughts and emotions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): its definately a man asking this question...men expect women to be exclusive ...there is no reason women shouldnt ask the same...we sacrifice our bodies to give them families...(no matter how fit we are scars and sags can and do occur with most pregnancies...the LEAST they can do is respect us and not continue looking at 18yr old pre baby bodies to wank over....whilst were left with stretched skin and breasts feeling like crap...that any dr will telll you no amounyt of excercise can repair....its pretty pathetic that they expect us to marry them give the babies, sacrifice our bodies and meanwhile they wank over everything that made sure we would no longer look like through our commitment to them ....The man asking this needs to walk a day in a womans shoes especially one who has several kids and a husband who masturbates to women who looked like she once did and never will again due to scars...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2008): Understanding that men are naturally different than women about variety & visual stuff is a rational thing to do.
Being in lust/love with someone isn't usually caused by a lot of rational urges. It's emotions that we don't have a lot of control over.
Men can get really wrapped up over their GF's past sex life too. That's not rational or anything either, but rationality has nothing to do with the powerfully hurt emotions men feel over it.
Biology's a bitch.
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (8 September 2008):
"What I'm talking about are women who don't want their man to think of any other woman as attractive, and to only fantasize about them, not to watch porn, etc, etc."
I don't think any of these things are especially unusual or impossible for a man to do. Most men do all of these things, but that's not to say that it's "biologically natural" or inevitable, just that it's a choice that many men make. And men like myself make the choice not to do these things.
I don't spend a lot of time pondering the attractiveness of other women, and if I do find a woman attractive it's not in an unwholesome way, as you can find someone attractive without feeling any attraction to them. To see a woman and think she is pretty is not to say that I think she is more attractive or even as attractive as my girlfriend. My attraction for my girlfriend is much stronger than any attraction I have ever felt for any woman. Most women are boring to me, I have no need to think about their attractiveness because I know that they will never quite match up to my partner... why bother measuring if I already know the outcome?
As for fantasizing, my fantasies tend to revolve around my girlfriend, and if they do involve other women, they are not specific women, just creations of my own imagination that have never existed and never will exist. I haven't watched porn in years, don't find it hard to avoid.
As for why women want their men to do these things... well, they want their man to be faithful to them in every way possible. They want to feel special and loved, like their man only has eyes for them. I believe that most men are capable of providing this service for their women, but most men choose not to or are too compelled by the choices and varieties out there to practice it. I'm not saying that's a good or a bad thing, just that it's a thing. I also loathe to use the term 'natural' when describing this behavior. Let's just call it common and leave biology out of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo need to be sorry, Daniel. But what I meant is that women always complain about porn, and it's supposed that they accept it, because it's normal, and hey, I'm not saying that men watch porn because they don't love their partners.
What I'm talking about are women who don't want their man to think of any other woman as attractive, and to only fantasize about them, not to watch porn, etc, etc.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 I guess that all I can say is this: if you truly love someone, usually you want that someone to be committed to you, and you only. If it were not this way, cheating would not bring the pain it does.
I also want my woman to be for myself only. And, yes, I would enjoy variety, but I have found that, when I truly love, I just want that One woman. Sorry, that's me.
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male
reader, Replacement +, writes (7 September 2008):
Not all men crave variety. Maybe I'm a biological freak but I am more than happy to be with one woman, and just her. My current girlfriend and I have been together for a few years and I've never been more satisfied. I guess what I'm trying to say is, be careful not to generalize. "Normal" for one is not normal for others. Is it common for men to look at a variety of women? Sure, lots of us do. Is it "normal"? Not for me, I don't do it. Guess I'm unnatural.
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