A
female
age
41-50,
*lowrunnin
writes:So how did it happen? How could I have fallen in love with this man who is a priest when I am already happily married with two beautiful children? He is the associate pastor at our parish, a young, charismatic and energetic man, yet we know he has faced a great deal of setbacks and pain in his life. He always has a smile on his face, and a way of making everyone in church feel special, especiallly the old and the young, who are drawn to him like bees to honey. He had actually been at the church for a few years before I really noticed him and had an initimate dream of him. I brushed it off, feeling slightly guilty for having such a dream as I gazed at my husband whom I love very much, and whom has given me everything.One night after mass my daughter asked this priest (Will refer to as Fr G) to come out and bless our horses. He said he would, and after a few phone calls he did come out. He was so interesting to listen too, and also showed an interest in the horses and the dog, which so few people that come over seem to do. I could have listened to him for hours and hours. For days after that short visit, I longed for him to come back, to hear him talk and have him for a friend. It was months later when we did have him over for dinner, once again brought on by my older daughter beggin him to come out. It seemed slightly odd to me to have him in our home in plain clothes just as a person and not as a priest. I remember how much he enjoyed the dinner we prepared, I'm sure it was how he always responded, but it sure warmed my heart. Just to hear someone compliment me, to watch him eat helping after helping of the food, I guess it was just a rare compliment. It was in his eyes and his actions that I recieved the compliment more than his words. My husband has never been very emotional or full of compliments, while I know he always appreciates what I do for him, he never is very energetic in saying so, I guess. And how FR G just took charge and helped do the dishes, how appreciative he seemed of all our efforts, again it just touched me. (My husband always helps, but I guess he never showed the same energy and willingness as this young priest did. They are totally different in personalities)Fr G was enthusiastic about the horses, wanted to ride, and watch us ride. I felt a twinge of sadness and guilt that here I was riding with him as the sun was setting and not my husband, and of course I felt guilty because it was Fr G I preferre to ride with over my husband.. Fr G seemed to enjoy and marvel at the horses (I guess as he probably did about everything in life) where when my husband rode he just seemed miserable with the occasional bite from a mosquito or irritated with the horse. Fr G commented on the stress relief that riding offered,and also what a nice picture my daughter and I would have made.I guess it was just the little things he said and did that warmed my feelings so much for him. I could only see him as a man, from there on out. Since that warm summer night, I have been infatuated with him. And the guilt of these feelings has been an immeasurable burden and pain, especially as I look at my husband who had no clue s to my feelings, and perhaps really didn't even notice, which in a small way bothers me. I feel so much desire for Fr G, it hurts to only be able to see him at church once a week...I was also dealing with other issuess of just being unhappy at home, though I couldn't put a finger on as to exactly why. Unlike a lot of other instances of women falling for priests, I had no bad husband or terrible problem. That is what makes this all seem so silly-My life from the outside was very good and fullfilling. I did seek out advice from Fr G which helped in a way, but in others it only hurt to see him so close and know this was all I could ever recieve from him. He was a kind man, but totally devout in his faith and life as a priest. (Of which I did respect)I doted on the masses he officiated, clung to his every word, and simply savored the sight of him. He inspired me to become a better person and christian. I went to confession to him, brave enough to go face to face, and confessed my sins to, of course I didn't tell him it was he whom I felt so strongly for and wished to commit adultery with. I also questioned myself bitterly, for wasn't it in itself a sin to go into confession to him when I felt so strongly for him? Was I really confessing or just going to see him? I guess it is so painful to feel so much love and adoration for him, and yet to him I am just another person. It tears my heart to shreds to know I'll never have a chance...and even worse is the guilt I feel as I very much cherish and love my husband. Whenever intimate with my husband, I find myself closing my eyes and longing for it to be Fr G's touch instead...Oh how this hurts, for so many different reasons...How can I feel so much for this man? Why? Why do I feel so much for him, whom I hardly know, when I am married to a wonderful man who works hard for our family and always has been supportive of me? No, my husband is not the most energetic of types, just more the quiet and dependable type.I break into crying fits several times a week, in despair and grief over what I cannot have, and know in my head that is sooooo wrong for what I feel. Why must my heart desire someone I cannot possible have? Especially when I have it so good already? I usually share everything with my husband, but I can't tell him of this, I know it would hurt him, as it would hurt me if he told me he desired another woman. I am too ashamed to tell anyone else. I also know that even if Fr G was interested in a woman, it most certainly wouldn't be me, as I am of course married, and overweight and not the most attractive. It hurts, like a constant knife stabbing at my flesh to know a man I adore and desire feels nothing for meI desire to just stop going our church and go to a different one, to ease the pain from my life, but it would be hard to tell my husband and daughters my reasoning, and it is harder yet as my daughter loves him and thinks he is the greatest. So I feel trapped, depressed and hurt. I also feel great sadness and loss knowing he will most likely leave this summer. Yet I also know that at last my heart will be at peace and not so tormented.Ironic that a man who inspired me so much to be a better person and christian also caused me such great sin in my mind and heart.Thank you to anyone who has listened and has any advice or insights
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, slowrunnin +, writes (8 February 2012):
slowrunnin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to anonymous and happy140 for taking the time to reply. You offer a lot of good points to consider. (I do have a good thing with my husband, thanks for pointing it out!) Guess it is easier to say than to do,(as in just forgeting this priest) at least for me. I am seeking help. It has also helped to finally just admit it and now deal with it than to keep going on and on saying nothing and aching inside. Thanks again-
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2012): Slowrunnin, im merely trying to open your eyes to a potential nightmare.Ok, so you say the priest is not to blame for anything. Be that as it may then you must stop inviting him over. In fact anyone who is a threat to a marriage is considered an enemy.Change churches. And then start rediscovering your hb. U are investing too much in this man and in your feelings. Actively seek out your man. Actively persue him. Im sure hes bored as well. Re ignite that lust/passion with him.Marriage is hard work and it requires actively refueling your lives.Dont discuss personal things with your priest. Or dont confide in him. Seek another avenue.I wish you luck. You got a good thing with hubby. Dont mess with this
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (7 February 2012):
 I haven't found ANY issue with the priest, if he knew about your thoughts then yes I would have a problem. He does not so we cannot blame him. What you need to do is figure out what is missing in your relationship, yes, and yes and yes, there IS something missing. Figure it out and work on it. You haven't hurt anyone yet other than yourself and your on your way to emomtionaly cheating on your husband. Think long and hard about what your husband used to do that he stopped and try to figure out why you lust after another. Marriage is sacred to many of us it it needs to be worked on constantly for it to work. I say go to another church and confess and let that take away some of your pain and maybe the preist can help you. I don't know you well enough for the deep sound advice you need but I do understand what you need on the outside, and its whats missing in your relationship. Talk to someone where you can voice it out.
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A
female
reader, slowrunnin +, writes (6 February 2012):
slowrunnin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLoveGirl
Thanks for reading and taking the time to reply.
You are right about the bashing you give, I desreve all of it as am very wrong in my thoughts and feelings. No, I would't want to ruin all of our lives, thats why I feel so guilty. But please don't blame the priest, he did nothing to lead me on in any way and is blameless. He has no desire for me whatsoever, I am simply another parishioner to him. He (I believe) is very content with his life in the priesthood. He can't help how I feel or what I feel for him (does not know), please don't blame him or call him my husband's enemy, my husband also lkes the priest for the good man he is...It is I who is wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Your hb doesnt know that u are LUSTING after your priest. And anyways do u think he is a mind reader. Of course he bloody hell loves and trust u therefore he also invited this priest into your home. He of course doesnt know that u prefer the poorly priest to him. U cannot expect your hb to become psychic and realise that u want this other man. In fact the reason your hb is so clueless is bec he has a false perception of u. As for the good priest he should know better. He should not invade your family space. What does your religion say about adultery? Can u imagine the stink in your area if this man becomes embroiled in an illicit affair. What will happen to his priesthood?Stop putting this man on a pedestal. Start appreciating your family and more especially your hb. Start spending quality time with your hb and really count your blessings.I would rather u change churchs instead of destroying your marriage.Oh and DONT EVER invite him to your home again. After all why must your hb feed his enemy? LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, slowrunnin +, writes (5 February 2012):
slowrunnin is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you happy140 for taking the time to read and reply.
"I think what bothered me the most about your post was when you said “we” made dinner for Fr G. I don’t think hubby would have had him over if he knew about his wife’s secret life"
I thought I would just respond to this, my husband did do the grill that night. I have often wondered if he would have wanted Fr G to come over if he had known how I felt about him? Honestly, he just doesn't know...sometimes I wish he would figure it out and then it would have to stop, the going to mass and seeing him and everything...
And you are right to lay it in like you do. I am wrong and admit it. You couldn't know how many times I have tried to 'hint' it to my husband, but he doesn't 'get' it. FWIW, it really bothers me that I feel this way while I am married, and though in my post I may not say it, I do love my husband and not wish to leave and disrupt my family. I don't wish to cause him the pain that (from what it sounds) your other half caused you at one point in your life. I couldn't live with myself for doing that to him. But I can't understand how my husband can't know that something is bothering me? ITs foolish to tell him(husband) how I feel, isn't it? Believe me this guilt I feel over this is really upsetting. I am trying out coundeling, I do have a problem.
Yes, wish I could be 7 again and not have all these other feelings. ITs not like I wake up wanting to feel this way!
Ok, I am probably not making any sense in my babbling.
Thank you again for your reply.
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (4 February 2012):
Your going right where my other half did-spent to much time with another man and he became everything and I became everything he is not, all the bad. It lead to my bags being packed. That’s where your headed.
If you think for one second your husband doesn’t know your not there emotionally then your very very wrong. We KNOW
You could take a lesson from your daughter. She sees Fr G for who he is and isn’t after him like you are. She sees how wonderful a man he is and keeps it in perspective. You on the other hand have something missing in your relationship that you feel he has. As I told my half, if you really think you just like him, what he does and he helps fulfilled you emotionally, (which from what you say he does) your falling in love and refuse to admit it.
Sure there are men and woman out there that have some qualities our spouse doesn’t have but our spouse has qualities they don’t. It’s OK to like him for who he is but now you’ve involved Fr G, your daughter and your husband. Think of what your doing or will do to all three relationships.
Priest have a tendency to be perfect in our eyes because we see them close to God but they have issues to but the pray and handle them correctly.
You say you “confess” but you didn’t, you went in with a story about a woman and a man and left out critical info for Fr G to make a informed decision on. He, like all men, will say thanks for the compliments but I too am not perfect.
I think what bothered me the most about your post was when you said “we” made dinner for Fr G. I don’t think hubby would have had him over if he knew about his wife’s secret life.
It really is OK to have fantasies, to wish with out truly wishing and to be infatuated. Your beyond that an need to understand that.
As for going to a different church your making excuses already “how do I explain it” Simple, you want to very your experience with different priest.
Go confess and let Fr G help you, your not his first.
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