A
male
age
41-50,
*eadEyeDick
writes:Here's something Ive always wondered, when we love somebody, and let's say they take off with someone else, cheat, etc. outside of feeling the anger, how come so many people are inclined to take the person back so quickly? and overlook the fact that they cared so little about that persons feelings, they could betray them? what is it that makes people say yes when the person comes back, or even to keep pursuing them, when the right thing to do is to tell them to get f***ed, and never speak to them again? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 People invest so much of themselves into another person when they fall in love. We also become "blind" to their glaring faults. We see what we want them to become and we hold onto this image in spite of who they really are. This is why the phrase "love is blind" is so true. The woman my husband was involved with before me is a perfect example. A wreckless woman in her late 20's with three illegitimate children all from different Dad's. She was loud, crass, obnoxious, and somewhat bipolar. Yet my husband loved her like no other. No one could figure it out, not his friends, not his family and least of all me. She treated him like shit and when she finally spun out of control, she took all his furnishings, a bunch of his money and left while he was at a business meeting in another city. Yet he tried like hell to get her back and spent years thinking about her, searching for her and loving her. Who in their right mind does this? He saw some kind of potential in her, that he thought he could help her become. Therefore he was completely blind to who she really was. A cheap slut who was nothing more than a user. To this day he is blind to her faults.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (5 December 2011):
 I am a person who can forgive, but not forget. I have a photographic memory (good at times, a curse at others) and I can remember word for word conversations, so trust me when I say I don't forget. I will forgive unkind words, but it will always stick in my memory if someone has said something very cruel to me. Cheating I draw the line at. If you cheat on me, you're dead to me. I think it comes down to familiarity...the reason why some people will take back an ex. They know them, they know what to expect and perhaps its just easier than trying to start all over again? I also think some people have very low self images and truly dont feel they can find someone else, or deserve better, or just don't know any better. Whatever the reason is, its sad. We all have our point of no return, I guess for some the bar is just much higher than others. For me, its lying and cheating.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Just a note on forgiveness as Honeypie brought it up. People have this warped sense of what forgiveness actually means. Forgiveness does not mean opening yourself back up to be hurt again, forgiveness does not mean that you trust them again, forgiveness is not a reason to ever let someone who has hurt you back into your life. It's merely a method of cleansing your mind of the anger and pain you may feel towards someone by forgiving them.
Too many people think forgiveness means cleaning the slate and absolving the responsibility of someone who has done something bad. It's not they did it, they should be held accountable and you must protect yourself.
You may forgive a paedophile for raping and murdering a child but that does not mean you let them hang around children again. I forgive every person who has ever hurt me in my life but I don't forget and they will never be in my life again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Sorry but I don't do what you describe and no offence to those people that do but they are idiots responsible for their own pain and deserve no sympathy from me.
I don't care to try and rationalize or explain why people do, I just know as long as I consider them complete fools I'm less likely to become one of them because that in my mind is an unacceptable behaviour and is merely the domain of the weak minded. Something I am in a lot of things but not when it comes to protecting myself from those proven capable of fucking me over.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Well i think there are many reasons why people take others back.
1. They rather be with someone familiar (AKA Better the devil you know)
2. They are optimists and think things will be better. Love will cure all.
3. They can't accept defeat/failure - They will make it work or "die" trying.
4. They are too afraid to be "alone".
5. They like the "power" they get over their partner, because the partner screwed up.
6. They think they don't deserve better.
7. They assume it's "normal" - as in that is what they saw growing up. Never underestimate the "monkey see- monkey do effect" on children.
Personally, I'm not really a forgiving kind of person, but I have forgiven where maybe I shouldn't have. However, I am not a fan of living in the past. We all have out limits. Where you draw your and where I draw mine may not be the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Its an emotional warfare. Ever heard the phrase, true love is blind? When one person feels the right thing in their heart, they often don't see the damage being done. It's like a drug addict in a sick sense. The want one thing, something to make the detox to go away. That person shared something that they loved, a look, a moment, something that drove them nuts. That person is their drug, but I noticed the same thing. The trashier your personality, the more they fall in love.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Oh my god! Did somebody tell you about my story? I have the same question at the moment and experiencing the same. Please aunts reply.
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female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (5 December 2011):
 I was stupid and did that... My boyfriend left me to go back to his his ex-girlfriend. When he realized that it was not working out with them? he wanted me back. I gave him one more chance ( I knew it was wrong ) Even know it wasn't the same as before with us.. I wanted to feel him in my arms again because I really missed the feeling I had with him. Sometimes you just go with your emotions even when you know deep down inside that it isn't the right thing to do. Like eating a big chocolate-assed yummy brownie when you are trying to diet ;) It's not what you are supposed to do. But you love the way it makes you feel! LOL
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Because they are in denial that it happened, because they don't want to be alone, because they have Stockholm syndrome, because one bad event doesn't magically erase that they were in love just the day before. There are many reasons.
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