A
male
age
30-35,
*ntPain
writes:Ok simple problem....what am i doing wrongly with girls?At the moment i must have about 15 girls i have flirted with in the past and they have now decided that i'm "like a brother", "best friend" or like their gay best friend.Its pretty obvious girls like my company and they feel comfortable around me, ill happily just talk to girls or do something random like hang out. I dont push or try it really heavily with girls, im considerate, thoughtful and nice raher than totally wanting sex like most guys my age. I work out and girls have commended me for it, ive even had girls say to their boyfriends why cant you be more like Ant?So why exactly can't i get a girl? I made out with one girl, she needed space before taking it further so i gave her space thinking things would fall into place....6months later after her leading me on and me being nice she "just wants to be friends" same with about every other girl.It just makes me feel crap, like im unattractive or something when i know for a fact im not bad looking or nasty.So what the hell am i doing wrong for gods sake?Just for the record....im a singer in a band, i run my own business at 19, i ride a motorbike. I swear that girls have posters of guys like that ¬_¬
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): Just a little tip: Don't take advice from people who don't consider your current situation a problem in the first place.
It's not PC to say it like this but most women don't consider it a problem that a nice guy is finishing last. They are glad to know that men like you are out there for when they get tired of their bad-boy phase and they want to settle down. They don't see the problem with the fact that you get no dating/sexual life until then.
My advice is take women off the pedestal in your mind and stop being such a nice guy. You should not go all the way over to the other side and become a woman-hating asshole but you need to grow a pair. There is plenty of information on the internet about dealing with your problem if you look for it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 You're approaching this from the wrong angle. You ask what you are doing wrong, as if if you were doing things right every girl you meet would fall into your lap. False assumption. When a guy does everything "right" he ends up with the right girl for him. Apparently the answer then is not that you are doing things wrong, but that you haven't met the right girl yet. What makes you think any of these girls you have so far met and flirted with would be someone you could actually be in a relationship with? Nothing at all, you might not be compatible at all, or more so obvious you aren't compatible, because if you were you'd be with them already. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but you are 19 and haven't met the right girl yet. Start by figuring out what you think you'd like in a girl, rather than go for anything that moves, as it appears from your post you'd be happy with just about anyone... But the truth is that even you will blow some girls off, and probably already have, because they weren't what you were looking for. So take a closer look at what you are actually going for and whether or not that'd be a good match for you. Could be you haven't met the right girl because your aim is off and you're aiming at girls you're not compatible with.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (5 December 2011):
 Well it's obvious that you're continuing to be held in the 'friend zone' for a particular reason. What is that reason? It's hard to tell without not really knowing YOU. But just going based on what you put in your post, you obviously have to make some changes. But you should know, some of the most common reasons guys tend to fall in the friend zone are...1. The girl they're interested in simply doesn't feel the connection. No matter how attractive, smart, or cool you think a girl is, if you try to push for something (whether it's her number or a date) and she doesn't feel the connection, it's not going to happen. And if you flirt with that particular individual, that could make things awkward or much worse depending on the length of time you've known her. This is where learning how to read body language can benefit you. By noticing the signs whether it's verbal or non-verbal, you'll judge vibes of conversations much better- and know when to gracefully walk away... or continue the conversation. 2. They always supply that shoulder to lean on. There's nothing wrong sometimes lending an ear to someone your interested in. In fact, you should know as much about her as you can. But if she tend to always confide in you with her problems/drama in her life... especially if it's relating to her boyfriend(s)(whether they're an ex or current)... or worse, you confide in her with your problems and issues, you'll be the male equivalent of her female friends. If this happens it'll be nearly impossible to break out as "more than a friend" in her mind. So you have to do things differently. Stir the conversation to more positive things. Compliment her, talk less about yourself, and keep the conversation interesting and engaging. And I seriously advise you to read these articles. I think it may be very beneficial for you: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-approach-a-girlthe-right-way.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/what--women-want-most-from-a-guy.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-create-great-conversations-on-a-date.htmlBest of luck to you!
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