A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I have been with my BF for around 9 months. it has not been an easy relastionship - so recently I started detaching myself. Anyway, since I have been doing this, he has been declaring his love and the sex seems to be differnet. It seems he is more emotinally charged, and the sex feels more like lovemaking than it has done in the past. He has started to reveal himself and seems vunerble and soft. The problem is that when he has been like this with me, he becomes distant the next day and sometimes will not take my call, or will text me back hours later and closes off for a few days, and that is difficult for me to handle, as I feel like I have been dropped.This pattern repeats itself, until the next time. it seems he opens up , then closes up and I am finding it a bit confusing. This has been a recent thing since I have been backing off. Also , he tells me over and over again he loves my ( private part) during sex. What does it mean when guy says this and does this sort of stuff? Any insights wuld be most welcome. xx Thanks
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male
reader, activeplay  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Ball is in your court, what can you take? How much do you love him? Do you think this can be weathered out without hard feeling in the future? Ask yourself these things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for taking the time to answer me. Much apprecaited. it;s nice to get a male perspective too. I am detaching , as he has hurt me in the past. yes, he does think/ know he is loing me, but also knows why. I am trying to protect mysslef from getting hurt again, and yes, I understand that he is trying to show me how much he loves me, but when he pulls the plug the next day, i feel defeated and alone. I have asked him countless times for us to spend more time togther, and yet he won;t or backs off. I can;t ask him anymore. He knows I have not been happy for some time now, and I really can;t keep asking him for more in the relastionship, as he has always maintained that it ; is what it is'. i do wnat him and I do love him, but do not wnat to keep setting ,syelf up for a fall and for him to keep letting me down. Do I need to tell him yet again how I feel? I have tried and treid and it has made no difference. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): If you are emotionally detaching yourself from the relationship; how do you think pointing fingers at him is fair?
I say if there is too much pain and drama to recover from- take a break from the sex.
Because from what you report, you think harbouring ill feelings but still having sex with someone you do not feel overly loving to; is NOT going to make things better.
Men need to understand that the sexual intimacy takes a hit when the trust and relationship does. Its difficult to be vunerable with someone who has hurt us. So some repair needs to happen for the intimacy to be enjoyable for both partners.
I'm thinking you both have carry over issues from previous relationships and if you want this one to work- couples counselling.
Otherwise, to me, it looks like its time to pull the plug.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2011): I am going to be completely honest here. I'm a male so I am willing to let you in on my perspective. I was like this once! You have showed him that you could just up and walk away by detaching yourself from him. It is setting his senses off... The human wants what it feels it can't get. Right now he feels he is losing you, and what you are doing is reeling him in. You have upset something to get him to notice all of this. So he is trying to do whatever it takes to make you see that he wants you. Now, his problem with distancing himself from you the next day is confusing? Why would he do that? Could he be insecure about the sex? Is he going where he hasn't been before, and trying to close the portal to love temporarily to gain his confidence back? I don't think he is using you, or cheating on you. I believe the man is head over heels with you, and now the ball is in your court. Are you going to seal the deal on this relationship? The ball is in your court darling! Use this to bring him back in, if you still want him! From my perspective, you have him hook, line, and sinker. Start reeling!
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