A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:if me and my partner keep arguing about money, is it right to even consider marriage?we have been together 9 years and got together when we were 18. we love each other and generally get along well but our we tend to argus about money a lot.2 years a go we moved back into my parents house with the intention of saving for a house deposit and clearing any debt. I feel like i have sacrificed going out on the weekends and going to 3 day bush parties in order to save, however he hasnt. he proposed to me last week for my birthday, and i have said yes, but im second guessing that we can work together.i feel im the only one putting for the house deposit and staying home every week end and he is still spending like he always had. He has no self control and just buys what he wants when he wants. What should have taken 2 years to save is going to take us 4 years, all because he cant sacrifice his fun for today for our future.i find that i am now resenting him for it now and that we are running out of time to do these things. we always argue about money and he makes me feel like i am just being tight. i beleive if we can both work together saving and sacrificing the little luxuries we will get the deposit sooner, and if we do decide to go away we should both be able to go, because we have both worked hard saving. Only i stay home and save and he goes out and has the fun, then promises me that next week will be different and he will start saving then.he has more debt than i and does not seem to care its been two years at my mums and we have not gotten far.if we cant work together and save for a house, what use is it getting married Is it just a recipe for disaster?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 January 2010):
He spends, you save. You were supposed to be saving for a house, but he hasn't. Sadly, you're right. This is a recipe for disaster. What happens in the future when you want to have kids or something, and you're in debt and can't afford them. It's good to have some fun, but if he's in debt, getting married just seems like a bad idea to me.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (27 January 2010):
Well, one of the top reasons why people even get divorced is because of money. If one person can't control their funds and the other can, then it's a huge thing. I would assume credit works the same down under as in the states, but once you're married, his debt will become your debt. I definitely think that's something you need to consider.
I think you can first try to help him. Maybe rather than telling him what to do, show him. Some people just don't have any idea. I also wouldn't get any sort of joint bank account with him. So perhaps show him how you keep your finances in check and see if he can do it himself (don't start doing it for him). Or if he's willing, each paycheck he has to give you x-amount of dollars to go toward savings. Otherwise, I think that might be some sort of ultimatum you're going to have to give him. Either he gets his finances in check or you're not going to marry him.
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