A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why is it always like this? when a women and a man is on the relationship, no matter how long the relationship goes even its 5 or 10 years long or more they are most of the time always in good term. the sweetness, the cares, the dream, the love, most of the time all the wonderfull things in the relationship is in the air. But when they get married everything vanish like gone in the wind. they get bored to each other, fighting, cheating etc.etc. why is it like that? i thought two person want to get married because they decided they do love each other very much and want to be forever like till death do us part. i know theres a lot of reason why couple got separated. but why this always happen after the marriage? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (6 December 2009):
 Because, Relationship is easy to deal. Most people are good in managing relationship, but marriage is something more than simple relationship. It is not just for company, fun, sex,...it has not a single purpose to deal or single goal to achieve. It involve highest creative goal in various areas of life. The problem with kids, neighbors, and with other relations and with job make thing more complicated. In such complications sex can became dull, and loss its spark. Usually sex has light, but after marriage it loss its spark! Before marriage sex appear as light, which is true but after marriage special care is required to keep this light burning, but no one think about sex as enlightening value... is biggest problem. In orthodox system marriage relationship remain unbroken, because it is more socialistic and less or non individualistic.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 November 2009):
 Many people have unrealistic expectations and little life experience when they marry. There is really no magic or secret about it. Relationships are what we make of them. A person can really only do half of the maintenance that's invoved in sustaining a good marriage. The partner has to do the rest. If it is one sided, it's not really a great relationship and resentment will occur.
There is absolutely no doubt that there will be periods of monotomy in a relationship that lasts for years. It is impossible to maintain the same spark that existed in the beginning. What you get though is a new and different spark. You get new thrills and excitement from things you never dreamed of. These things might be kids, your first house, grandchildren, vacations, etc. In other words, we get memories and life experiences. More that that, we put down roots. Those roots grow trees with many branches and a huge canopy. We live,grow and mature under that canopy and create our new thrills. These are the things we draw from as we get older and no longer have the looks or the sex appeal. These are things of substance.
An example for me would be my sister-in-law. I love her and her kids. They have a tough road and I try to help them. Her bad luck brings out my generousity. It helps me develop my good side. My wife is from a different culture. Living with her and learning her culture has been a great experience for me, language, customs etc.
We are a sum of our experiences. We need to cherish what we have, nurture our love and always try to reinvent the wheel, as far as marriage goes. It's too easy to become complacent and let things slide. As I always say, the grass is greenest where you water it.
Proof of what I'm saying is easy to provide. It is always easy to see a middle aged person who is trying to meet a new partner. They dress well, smell well, get in shape, nice hair etc. The funny part is that they are willing to do all these things in order to meet a partner but they were not willing to do it for their spouse. If they had half the drive and desire while they were still married they may never have divorced.
The truth is there are thousands of potential partners out there that we could be quite happy with. People remarry all thew time. We will always have attractions to other people, not matter how happy we are at home. That is nature. The base that a long term relationship provides though can only happen with "time". Time allows the roots to grow and in turn we grow too. The roots are stability and what gives us depth and security. There is always prettier, thinner, richer etc but time and memories win every time as far as my life goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): I am with you on this one... My hb has got his feet firmly under my table.. LOL I would still like the excitement the mystery the hot all night sex... But hey we have kids a mortgage and work... We try to go away on dirty weekends but normally end up falling asleep... I think it's really sad.. But I guess u can't keep up that intense level that u have in the beginning..sadly :0(
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A
female
reader, hubbie +, writes (27 November 2009):
 on what as i experienced, i got married at the age of 18. and it didnt took for a long time we separated. and now about the question, in my part obvious it always ended to sour when you got married because of letting our hearts blind to follow first without giving a time knowing each other, that in our own selves believing that it is the real love that we all wanted, nor giving a chance our own self to connect, believing that he is the best among the rest, or in short we focus more on the physical outlooks without even knowing what they have inside. and logically we got tired so fast and sour is what we felt in the end.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Partly it's due to unrealistic expectations. I think when my grandparents married, the idea was to be a team -- to have someone to help you through life. I don't think they expected it to be some idyllic thing where in 40 years you'd still be waking up to a passionate kiss despite your morning breath.
Whereas now, because life is generally so much easier than it was 100 years ago, we've forgotten that it's not all sweetness and light. So we get married without understanding that your passion will change, that kids, jobs and debts conspire to make things less "fun" than when you were dating.
Some people accept the change in the relationship. While the wild passion of the first months was wonderful, so can be the comfort and trust and acceptance that can come after decades together.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Always? How many times have you been married?
What a lot of couples have ever seem to forget is that the courting should never end.
Instead the dating is hot and passionate and filled with hormone filled urgency and then when it comes to living together 24/7 the couple continues as they were and suddenly all the little problems become a constant in the face nightmare.
Take the classics, he doesn't put the toilet seat down, she takes forever in the bathroom. These are barely noticable while dating but once you move in together. BLAM! Right there, all the time.
Making lunch for the hubby:
1st year, white bread salmon sandwiches with the crust cut off.
2nd year, cheese sandwiches with the mustard he likes.
10th year, she doesn't even wake up anymore when he leaves for work, in fact they may be sleeping apart because he snores and she wants the electric blanket on "blast furnace".
And of course,
1st year, a rose, just because she is the most beautiful woman who ever lived.
2nd year, a bunch of roses from the market for her birthday (a week late).
10th year, he gives her a raspberry when she mentions their wedding day is coming up.
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A
male
reader, mitten82  +, writes (27 November 2009):
they can. though I have never been married, my father has MANY times. things get either boring or people just naturally grow apart. we're not magnets...we are more like masking tape lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): I'm sticking to my naive belief that marriage is great. There are many happily married couples too. Perhaps the problem is that when those happy unmarried couples hit a problem, they break up, but of they were married, they'd have to face the issue together?
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