A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! My situation is wired because I'm 22 and I'm still virgin. I'm not ugly but always I have problem to have relationships. Some of the girls are curious to know me but after we pass some time everything changes and most of them want to be only be friends with me. My last "crush" happened just 2 days ago and the girl said me: 'I want only to be friend with you'. The problem is that I really like that girl. Now I want to know, is possible that she can change her mind? I like her so much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 This is a very small comment but I think for guys as soon as you aren't acting like a "man" then you just slip into the friend zone. What I mean by man is basically showing your interested and being masculine in your posture and attitude (but not in a sexist way or anything)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): Are you attempting to land girls ourside your league? As an attractive female myself, I have been amazed at times by the guys that come on to me. I take very good care of myself, keep my teeth white, wore braces for several years, work out, eat right, buy nice clothes and spend top dollar on my hair...in other words, it takes time and effort for me to look how I do and I feel worth someone who does the same (my boyfriend and I get a lot of complements on what a handsome couple we are). Now, what I am trying to tell you is this....go to the gym, look the best you can, put some effort in who you are and girls WILL notice. They will see how important you feel you are and they will agree with you and want to be with someone that is so worthy of all this attention. If I can give you one other hint, it's this....don't play games as some would suggest you do. These types of ploys only work on women whom you probably don't wish to be with anyways (mentally not physically). Be honest with women and give them respect. A quality woman will recognize a player and steers clear of them. Best of luck to the new you :)
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Here's an example of what could be happening here...
Lets say "Bob" is at work. He works with a few girls and treats them as mates, isn't really trying to get into their pants as he works with them. So he acts like himself and is quite comfortable having a bit of fun with his co-workers to pass the time, he playfully teases the girls, is funny, jokes around, is laid back- even confident at times.
One of the girls, "Ann" starts to fall for Bob. After getting rather drunk at the company christmas party they end up making out and wind up dating. After a short time the way Bob treats Ann begins to change. He becomes all mushy, acts much more seriously, conversation is less carefree and at times even a little stunted with the odd awkward silence. He watches what he says much more- afraid to even slightly offend Ann he jokes and playfully teases very rarely. He's no longer laid back and indifferent- he's the one msging her all the time wanting her attention all the time- whereas before dating, it was Ann who was the one chasing after his attention.
Bob has transformed into a completely different person. Ann is not attracted to this different person- she was attracted to "the other" Bob... the man who was just being himself...
Its not that Bob couldn't or can't attract girls- but perhaps because he hasn't had many girlfriends before that when he does date, he takes it all way too seriously- to the point where his behavior towards her changes and not necessarily in a good way.
So the way I see it- if you attract a girl but then suddenly the way you treat her completely changes- and if that dynamic was what initially attracted her to you to begin with.... don't be surprised if she perhaps finds herself not as interested in you as she was to begin with. Worst case scenario... friend zone.
I'm not saying that's necessarily whats happening here, its just an example of what I've seen happen with some of my mates and my best explanation for why some girls can chase a guy for ages- only to date him for a few weeks and then lose interest. I personally find that as soon as I consciously realize that I fancy a girl and/or that she fancies me- I unintentionally treat her very differently for a while as I'm "finding my footing" so to speak. Once I realize I'm being a bumbling idiot/clamming up/nervous/clingy or whatever- I just remind myself of pretty much what I've written here. Much easier to be yourself when you know she's attracted to you when you're... simply being yourself :)
As for your latest crush- anythings possible...
Best of luck aye
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Like it was said,dont be to available.One moment you should pay attention to her,then afterward just ignore her,dont be too into her.Talk to other girls,let her see you paying attention or talking to other girls.Be on and off with her,up your game.But let her know what your intentions are.If she says shes not into you,just say ok,move on and dont try again.Dont show her it may have hurt you that she rejected you,make as if you dont care.Dont make her feel to special,let her know,she aint the only one.Most of time,girls like the attention a guy gives them if they like the girl.Girls thrive on attention.Once they all of a sudden no longer get the attention,they will start to wonder why,or if they have done something wrong,or if they are no longer attractive to you.Alot will go out of their way to look good and say things to get your attention again.If they see you with other girls,they will wonder what it is about you,coz there must be something about you thats getting you all the attention,and they wanna know to.Anyway thats my advice,take it,dont take it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): i had the same problem, but all you can do is be there for her but dont not be to 'clingy' or close and try to detach yourself little by little as it will only hurt more in the long run as i have found out. just hope she realizes how important you are to her because if you try to hard she will just push you away from even friendship.
hope this helps :) and good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Maybe you act to much like a friend to them. You should be more agressive with women. Why don't you try telling this girl you like her and want to take her out. If she says no then atleast you know you tried.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (31 October 2010):
Well have you thought of asking her to be honest and tell you why exactly she rules out any idea of sexual activity ?
The truth might hurt but at least you could then do something about it.
Also by now maybe you are so desperate to have the sexual experience that the desperation / nervousness are v obvious and off-putting ?? Just a thought......
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Don't try to get to know girls as friends first. Get to know them as friends WHILE you are coming at them with sexual/romantic intentions.
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (31 October 2010):
How did you tell her you liked her? Are you making yourself too available? Coming on too strong? Some guys do too much too soon, sometimes you have to take things slow. Get to know a girl then later let her know you like her etc.
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