A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dont know where Im goin wrong with guys and I need some advice. Every relationship I have had, whether long-term or short-term, it always ends because they lose their respect for me and walk all over me. I dont know why this happens because I am a good girlfriend and always do things to make my bf happy. My friends say its cos Im too weak to them and I should toughen up but I find it extremely hard not to chase them after an argument and am always the first to apologise etc. But why do men treat nice, caring girls like this? It hurts when I see my ex's worshipping their new girlfriends who are absolute bitches. Wot am I doing wrong here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008): This is the problem, by being the one doing all the chasing you are giving them the idea that they can treat you however they want and get away with it, they won't show you any respect if you act this way with them. You can still be kind and caring, but not so easily forgiving. I think you forgive them because you are scared loose them, which you shouldn't be, you should be prepared to move on if they continually disrespect you. Your friend is right you should be tougher with them, have you ever heard the saying 'treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen' ? It's true, they will walk all over you if you come across as a softie, they will think that you are desperate. You need to make sure that they know you always stand up for yourself and will not be messed about. If you continue to be as soft as you are you could possibly end up in a voilent relationship and be controlled. Only someone who respects you and appriciates you for you is good enough for you, never settle for anything less and never be used. Good luck... Xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): Gurl I knw wut ur feelin! N truthfully it duz hurt! U need 2 fynd a man that knwz a womanz worth! Wut I do whn a man treatz me lyke that I jus wlk away. N if u love them itz evn harder! Tha man that I'm wit verbally abuses me. N he thnkz itz love. Cuz he treated hiz ex lyke that. So I jus let him go whn he wntz 2 go. Aint no use tryn 2 keep sum1 who duznt wanna b kept.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I think it's a problem of men (and women) going into relationships feeling confused about themselves. So many people seem to be looking for someone else to tell them who they are. The men you have encountered sound like they were hoping you would somehow make them into what they think they are supposed to be. When you didn't change them and make all of their insecurities vanish they decide that you failed them and that they would take out their frustration on you.
Obviously other people's expectations of being made into completely different people upon entering into a relationship is beyond your control. Especially since most most people don't realize that they have these expectations to begin with.
If I were in your position I would change the type of people I looked for relationships with. Many people here have advised you to change who you are but I think there are far to few nice people around and I would prefer that the world not lose another. Changing yourself should be a last resort.
Sorry if my advise is a little confusing. I'm out of my normal sleep rhythm.
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A
male
reader, ShouldKnowBetter +, writes (23 March 2008):
Off I go on a limb again.... there are those that want someone they can walk all over, there are those that want someone to walk all over them. It takes all sorts and neither is right or wrong. The majority are somewhere in between where a balance of "power" exists.The majority dont want a "bitch" but dont want a door mat either. The problem is that many do push the boundaries during the period of learning about each other and basically do want to find resistance occasionally. It doesnt sound as if you want to be the door mat of life in which case you do have to learn to toughen up a little. That isnt to say that everything should be a confrontation but you shouldnt sacrifice something you believe in strongly simply to make the other side happy.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (23 March 2008):
 You give an inch and people take a yard, its the oldest story in the book I am afraid. I am afraid I suffer from the same thing as you although I am not a girl obviously. Good relationships are the one where there is a balance of power and in this case that would seem you do need to be more assertive, if you have an argument then dont immediatly cave, if you are genuinely at partial fault then admit that but make sure your partner takes their share of the blame too.
Lazy may have a point about you dating the wrong kind of man too...find somebody who will appreciate you and love you for who you are and dont settle for anything less :) good luck.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (23 March 2008):
 This is hard because on instinct ur a caring, doting girlfriend who never wants to do any wrong. But you have to realise that sometimes it's not your turn to apologise and you have to make guys realise that they can't walk all over you. Try putting your foot down every now and then! Stop chasing after them, if they want to storm off, let them. If they don't come after you - then they're not worth it. This may seem extreme, but it's the view i take. you shouldn't be doing all the chasing. Ever heard of 'treat them mean keep 'em keen'? Sometimes that's quite true. Don't be horrible though, no one really wants a horrible girlfriend but don't be so doting that you just get walked all over. Really i think your friends are right. You need to toughen up a bit, show a bit of back bone and if someone starts to walk all over you - stamp on their feet (metaphorically or literally, thats up to you) show that you can stand up for yourself. No one wants a push over i guess. well. some people do - but you don't want to be with a person like that. Guys should respect you regardless, but that's not always the case. anyway. i think if you show a bit of back bone, stop being the only one doing something in a two way relationship then you'll find things work out better. I hope this helped, if not i'm sure other people will have some gud advice. take care
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (23 March 2008):
 It sounds like your friend got it right. If you are constantly the one to cave in first on an argument you will be seen as weak, because that is what it is. Stand up for yourself.
It sounds like you are dating the wrong kind of guy. Not all men walk all over woman even if they let them.
Don't let men walk all over you, perhaps what you are calling a bitch is just a girl with an opinion of her own. What makes you say they are bitches?
If you constantly do everything to make them happy they will take you for granted.
The exact same goes in the reverse. Imagine if a guy you were with acted like you did, did everything to make you happy and if you had a fight would instantly apologize?
Don't say you would love it, it sounds nice for a month and then it becomes very boring indeed. You would wish for a guy with a backbone.
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