A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:One of my ex co workers got herself pregnant on purpose. She even told everyone about it. She had a short fling with someone and knew that he didn't want any children. They weren't even in a exclusive relationship. But she lied about what contreception methods anyway, so she'd get what she wanted. When the guy found out, he was livid. He asked for a dna test, since she has a reputation for sleeping around with men.So why do people do this, when they know that a man isn't ready/ doesn't want to be a father?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): If you are a man, you can never ever trust a woman when she says she's on the pill. Even if you've been with her for years and you think you know her, you can't trust her. Women lie about being on the pill for various reasons. One is because they think they can coerce a man into marrying them if they get pregnant. This might sound ridiculous, but it happens (the example you mentioned doesn't sound like it falls in this category). Especially if the woman is from a country in which the cultural norm is that a man must marry a pregnant woman. Women from this type of cultural background think that men know women lie, and that a man knows he'll have to marry the woman if she gets pregnant. Thus, in her mind, it's perfectly OK to lie because all women do it, men know this, and it's his fault for being dumb enough to believe her. Besides, in her mind, men are put on this planet for the sole purpose of providing for women. His needs, feelings, etc. are immaterial. Another reason women lie is because they know that they can collect a very significant amount of money in child support if they get pregnant by the "right" man. Again, this sounds ridiculous at first blush, but a man having a higher income will have to pay much more in child support than the actual cost to raise a child, and the man will have virtually no chance to get custody of the child. In most states, there is no upper limit on child support. It goes up and up and up with higher income of the father. For example, a woman who gets pregnant after a one night stand with a professional athlete could very well collect $300,000 per year in tax free "child support" for 18 or more years. She can hire a nanny to take care of the child and party her ass off, and use the child support to hire lawyers to ensure that the father will not get parenting time. This will ensure that the cash keeps flowing. The courts will not require that the money be spent on the child. The money is just taken from one parent and given to the other parent on the bare assumption that the receiving parent is going to spend it on the child. It's a very sweet deal for some women.And, some women just want a baby and they don't give a rat's ass what the unwitting father might think. It's really just a legal form of fraud. Fortunately, very few women are like this. But, you asked why some women do this, and that's my answer. (yes, I do have some up close and personal experience with this topic)Again, if you are a man, never ever, ever trust a woman when it comes to birth control. It doesn't matter how long you've known her. They lie.
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 March 2011):
What I have a problem with is the fact that the man seems to have to have more of the responsibility in terms of pregnancy. Yes, the guy should sometimes remind the girl to take her pill, especially if the girl tends to forget. I always take my pill before bed, so if I come up to bed and go into bed, my fiance will remind me if I seem to have forgotten. But it seems like no matter how hard the girl tries to deceive the guy, the answer is that if he didn't want her to get pregnant, he should have not had sex, or worn a condom + used spermicide + whatever else. So if I decided while my fiance is at work, to switch my pill pack with placebos, no matter how much he reminded me to take the pill, it wouldn't have kept me pregnant free. And he would have been clueless until suddenly I told him I was pregnant. And even then, he has no choice about abortion or paying child support. Even if I deceived him. Honestly, it would be so easy to trick men that way. Thankfully, I don't think most women do that. But some do. It would be like if men were in charge of contraception and they secretly poked tiny holes in all their condoms. Would the girl really inspect all the condoms to make sure they're intact? Or would she just trust her bf not to do that and the manufacturer to not make dysfunctional condoms. But women don't have to worry quite so much because if they do get pregnant against their will/desire, they can always rely on the backup of abortion (if they live somewhere that allows it). And they don't need to get the guy's permission either way. Men have no backup, other than abstinence. I'm not saying men shouldn't have responsibilities. Especially when both parties are not using contraception or the guy convinces the girl to use the pull-out technique or something dumb like that. But if the girl deceives the guy? I don't know....doesn't seem fair at all then.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 "Because if the agreement on contraception is that the woman takes the pill, then it shouldn't have to be the man's responsibility to watch her take the pill every day or carry the pills everywhere to make sure they aren't switched with placebos or something. "
Of course it's still the mans responsibility, he's having sex as well. In this case we're talking people who barely know the other, if a stranger tells the man she's on the pill then under no circumstance should he trust in that! He doesn't know the woman. But in stable relationship, yes this happens as well, sadly. But many times, the woman actually forgets to take her pill. I think it'd be just fair then that the man is also held responsible for remembering to take the pill! For example he can remind her every day. Why not, she has to remember it every day, so why can't he be bothered to remember it every day.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all your answers
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): The responses here tell the tale. Multiple women basically saying that if a guy is dumb enough to trust her word about being on the pill, then he deserves to get stuck with a kid he didn't want.
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female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (28 March 2011):
It's because some people are selfish and don't care about the consequences to others. And it's because ultimately, women have the power when it comes to kids. Women usually get the custody, they get the child support, they make the decision about abortion vs no abortion no matter what the father says. And really, it isn't very fair. And yes, the man can not have sex if he wants to be 100% positive he won't father an unwanted child. But realistically, how reasonable is that? And yes, they should wear a condom and be responsible for their own protection. But in the cases where the woman has been on birth control and there should be trust there, it is quite despicable if the woman stops the pill and just pretends to be still taking it.Because if the agreement on contraception is that the woman takes the pill, then it shouldn't have to be the man's responsibility to watch her take the pill every day or carry the pills everywhere to make sure they aren't switched with placebos or something. Anyways, not sure how much this answered your question. I just feel very sorry sometimes for the unequal treatment of men when it comes to unplanned children.
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female
reader, raiders  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 I feel that if the guy is having unprotected sex than he should be responsible for his action and not blame a women for getting herself pregnant. Don't want a baby than put on the party hat. A man should be responsible and take birth control seriously and if he is dumb enough to leave birth controlled decision up to the female than he wasn't really fooled he was just naive and made his own decision, he left it up to chance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): I actually got pregnant on purpose once, to keep the guy, regretted it ever since because we weren't compatible. I was too focused on keeping him and not what was right, I apologize to all the guys out there who get tricked, it IS awful and I live with the regret!
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male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Ha, speaking as someone whose wife actually used this tactic to finally get me to "commit"...Let's face it.. Some women are very conniving and manipulative...They know what they want, and they will do anything to get it, and damn the consequences.But on the other side of it most guys are huge dummies when it comes to getting laid...I was dating my girlfriend.. We were together for 3 years.. She loved me and had told me numerous times she knew i was the man she wanted to marry...Then she decided she wanted to further her education at an institution that was 3 hours away.. She expected me to follow her, but i had a solid job and refused to leave it until i had something on equal footing up there.. She moved and rented a house up there. I drove up to visit her each and every weekend, but our relationship was on a slippery slope. She did not want to move back to where i was at, even after her education was done, and i couldn't in good conscience leave the job i was at when there was nothing for me up there, especially in these economic times.She had been on the pill the entire time we were together, so i have to admit i slacked off on worrying about protection...One night i was up visiting her, and she got me liquored up good and then started purring in my ear.. From what i recall, we had a really great night (show me a man that can resist it when a woman starts purring in your ear, especially when drunk!)A month or 2 passed, and we were still stuck at our impasse. I was honestly 2 weeks away from deciding to end the relationship when she informed me that she was pregnant.I was floored. How? She was on the pill! WELL, she had decided to stop taking the pill because she had been on it for 10 years, and was worried about the hormonal effects.She was SURE she had told me...Don't think i didn't realize what had happened, and MAN did i curse myself out for being so dumb...The fact of the matter was, though, i loved the girl dearly.Oh we had some rocky terrain during the pregnancy.. I demanded a paternity test.. I suggested an abortion, cause i knew i wasn't ready to be a father...(I was slapped numerous times during the course of those 9 months)...She still tried to stand fast on not moving back to where i was at, and i have to admit that i contemplated ending the relationship anyways (she invited me to just leave more then once.) I was terrified of the concept of this child..I was terrified right up to the moment the kid popped out.. I know it's a cliche, but in that moment when i laid eyes on my son for the first time, my entire concept of the world and what mattered in it changed.. I think my gf's did too.She held out about 2 more months, and then decided it was for the best if she moved down to live with me. We were married at the end of that year.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Sorry but if I didn't want to have a child I'd MAKE SURE there was adequate, effective birth control before I did the dipsey doodle with someone. It's the guy's fault if he gets "tricked".
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 March 2011):
I think the law in the US is working towards making this illegal. Certainly, if the man can afford the good lawyers, he can win court cases and not need to take responsibility for the child, not need to pay child support or anything.But, there's always the knowledge that your flesh and blood is out there somewhere...But yes, it's actually not legal really to do this, or at least it's working towards not being legal, it's just so hard to prove that it's been done.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 March 2011):
They do it because they are selfish and want a baby. People aren't perfect, and this is one of the reasons why men need to take more responsibility when it comes to contraceptives. So many men NEVER care about protection. If you ask me, if they are stupid enough to have unprotected sex then they were asking for it. Takes two to make a baby anyhow, and especially when you meet a stranger you can't just jump in bed with them and be naive and blindly trust that they use the contraceptive they say they do.
Use a condom guys!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): It should be illegal to secretly get pregnant on purpose.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Do you find it amazing ?... Why, have you noticed in your life experience so far that ALL people care about what other people feel and want ?
If it really were so, then nobody would ever cheat on anybody else, because they would take into account that being cheated on is something that surely their partner does NOT want.
Instead, human nature being what it is, there are people ( not all, not many, but definitely some ) who think first and foremost about what they perceive to be their interest and if that displeases another person, well,tough luck.
The getting pregnant by mistake-on purpose has always been a rather popular way for insecure women to catch a not -totally-committed guy and nail him to his responsibilities.
I must say that it worked much much better until a few decades ago when it generated many shotgun weddings in a time when divorce was unusual, frowned upon or , in many countries, unavailable. But now , not only 50% of weddings end in divorce anyway- but, sadly, a child ,either born out of wedlock or not, does not seem a motivation even remotely enough to keep a man around, to fulfill his obligations. At least from all the letters from abandoned moms we receive on DC.
So the "trick pregnancy " is eventually a very dangerous technique that often backfires, insofar it may
worsen and accelerate the tensions in the couple to a breaking point- and not many men will stick around to do the right thing and help raise a baby they never wanted to begin with , once they are fed up with the mother.
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