A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hoping people will have insight here and thank all who answer. My friend and I are about the same age. I am a little older. I lost my dad when I was in my twenties. It was horrible, awful but I had to carry on. I grieved but had to get on with life, mortgage payments, car payments and admit that for six months I cried on my way to work each day but slowly I came round. I was out of the house at 18 and had to support myself through university ect. I also have siblings. She is an only child and when she lost her dad some years back, it hit her hard. There were times when she admitted she was rude but put it down to grief. She is in her mid thirties and still living at home. Now she is worried about losing her mom. She does not have full time employment but temporary work but does not have to worry about finances although she contributes on a monthly basis to help her mom. My mom is also not well and I am preparing for the worst. She says she thinks I am unfeeling. I think that she lets the losses that come to us all define who she is. I do not have that luxury. I would suspect that being an only child and living at home for most of her life has made her more dependent but this issue is putting a strain on our friendship. I guess inwardly I think she needs to look beyond her parents as the only thing in her world and I am feeling that I had to carry on through the pain which might make me seem hard. I think of my dad every day but had to be independent at such a young age. My question is that why is it that some people take years and years to get over the death of a parent and others, perhaps a little more quickly.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 May 2009):
Why do some people like brocoli and some don't? Why do some people get alergies and some don't?
Every one is different.
It's just life.
We all die some day.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 I think you pretty much answered your own question just by the description you gave. When it comes down to individual personalities, and individual environments, we all react differently to the same situation.
You cant expect your friend to deal with a big loss like that in the same way you did. You also have to consider that she is an only child, and only children have the burden of feeling quite lonely, and when your closest die, the circle of trust and happiness gets smaller and smaller.
If she has a small family in general, where the only family she has is her mom and dad, you have to be empathetic to her situation because whereas you have siblings, people that are your blood who are facing the same dilemma, you can use them as an anchor to help you heal, whereas if she loses them both, and she is left all alone, thats the dead reality, and for some people that just shatters them, so a death can be an awakening of fears that have been kept locked away, they resurface and doom and despair is all that is left.
Also keeping busy is key to keeping your mind off sad things. You said that after your fathers death you had so much responsibility it made your head spin, from payments to comforting your siblings and your mother I presume, and you also have developed a tougher skin since you have been out on your own since a young adult. If she is still living at home, and doesn't have a steady job, and never was truly independent, she has more to lose and more t o fear than you do. Her time is spent thinking over and over about her loss, while struggling to find a job and gain personal independence and freedom.
I think if you two are good friends and you value her as a person, stick by her and be supportive, dont use yourself as an example to make her feel pathetic and desperate in this time of need. She needs all the support she can get, and patience comes along with this journey. So let that one word become a friend to you too.
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