A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Before I say anything just thought i say that DO NOT judge me for this cause I`ve beaten myself up about it and regret it, plus i`m an adult. Also i have another question which relates to my post so instead of making another post I decided to post the other question here so here it goes.I`ve been online dating this guy for 2 years, durning the time we`ve been online dating he has asked for nude photo`s of me, in which i`ve said no to countless times when he has asked. I pride myself in not doing that kind of thing because i felt like i should respect my body (now i`m probbly being a hypocrite here and that`s ok i deserve anything that people say to me).So a few days ago I decided to do what he has asked me to do for 2 years (his pressuring me finally got to me and i just did it). I didn`t send photo`s i went on web cam with him. At first I was ok, but after i just started to regret it, i felt really low (still do) and i just overall feel disgusted with myself. Because I feel disguested with myself i am also angry at him. I`m not sure why i just am, maybe it was because he knows i think i`m ugly and he didn`t say it enough that my body was fine when i was showing him myself nude or maybe it was the fact that after he got what he wanted from me that he went to bed. It may not be either of those reasons all i know is that i`m mad at him and because i am mad at him and also mad and disguested with myself i`ve started petty fights with him.My question is, is there a way not to feel the way i feel right now which is disguest. I know those feeling will go away but just asking.My second question is why do men ask women to show nude photo`s of themseleves?If they wanted to jack off to it there porn for that.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice Tisha-1
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Practice forgiveness and compassion for yourself. I expect you've punished yourself enough now. Don't let this harm your self-esteem any more.
Write down the lessons you've learned. Write yourself a letter to remind yourself of what you choose to do in the future. Then put them in an envelope and tuck them away somewhere safe.
You'll be fine. You have done no worse than thousands of people and were simply trying to pursue a relationship. I think the choice you made of being an online one is what you should be spending your time examining right now.
Stick to real life dating and you will be able to build real trust with a guy you can actually share the room with.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1 yes i would have, but as i said in my last post i think it was because What i preached i flushed it down the tubes which makes me a hypocite (sort of). We were suppouse to meet in real life but before he wanted to see what i looked like (nude) before that happen i guess now that i think about it he probbly only said it to see if he liked what he saw etc etc.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 November 2011):
Look, in 2 years, if you were dating a guy who lived in the same town, you'd likely have gotten naked with him by now, right? So the difference is that you did it over the internet?
My worry for you is that you were in a dating relationship online for 2 years. That's a long time to have committed yourself to a guy who wasn't really available. Did you never meet him in real life?
I'd stay off the internet for now and try to meet people in real life. Work on your self-esteem through nurturing your mind and body with good nutrition, exercise and possibly yoga or meditation, along with a mini-makeover. You'll feel better when you take care of yourself.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Well good riddance anyway. We all make mistakes in life, in a year this won't be on your mind any more. Don't worry about it. You'll find someone more worthwhile soon! There is karma in life you know, once you go though something crappy you get something good...!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys, i still feel really crappy about cause i flushed what i preached down the tubes. And btw he dumped me (probbly becuse of the fights i don't know). But i guess i just have to move n from this and put what i did behind and forget about it. So thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I am an internet romeo. Dont worry,it took 2 years and that is a challenge. Most will do it right away.
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male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (11 November 2011):
Stop beating yourself up, you've been with this guy 2 years. Do you have a future together? If so, see what you have done as something special for him. You're only choosing to see it as "disrespecting" your body. Maybe this is true if you were exposing yourself to anyone and everyone and for free.
You've shared something private with your boyfriend, what's wrong with that?
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Big hug.. you made a mistake, your human, now I really need you to be nice to you.
Even I have been tempted into doing stupid things on the internet. Don't worry about it, it happens to loads of people. Please put it down to experience and laugh about how even the cleverest smartest women can do stupid things.
Porn is boring, live sex things like a nice woman who is beautiful, real, sexy and normal is much more tempting to men.
The guy was a jerk, you got caught, but you will never do such a thing again.Please don't worry so much and please, please forgive yourself for making a silly mistake.
Blessings.. now go do something nice to reward yourself for being brave enough to come here and share your embarrassment with the world. This will help the young girls who often come to Dear Cupid with a problem similar to yours.
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male
reader, asap09marc +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Chick,dont despair,it is part and parcel of internet chat life. Ive seen many,its no big deal. Some chicks even have their kit off before their cam is on. It may be like losing your show on cam virginity. The next time wont be so bad. You have known this guy years,its not like its any old charlie from a swingers site is it? Welcome to the world of internet relationships.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 November 2011):
He wanted free, real life, porn. And you gave it to him, and yes, you have the right to be disgusted with yourself for it. But comfort yourself with knowing you are not alone. I've done it too. Only difference is I never gave in to anyone begging for it, or asking for it. It was what I though was harmless fun back in the days, and later on realize was a big mistake. These things get sent around the web you know. Loads of people record what women show to them, and pass it around as a confidence boost "hey, look what I got her to do for me!!". Men who ask for nude pictures are only interested in one thing: themselves. I don't understand why you've been talking to this man for 2 years when all he does is nag on you for free porn and to give HIM a confidence boost and stroke his ego (because that's what it does, they get their egos stroked when a woman sends them nudes, it's all about them feeling like king of the hill, your feelings are completely irrelevant). So why have you let him pester you into this? It is completely disrespectful to you to even ASK for these things, let alone not respect a NO, but continue to nag about it.
Don't do it again, and cut the contact with this perv. He isn't interested in you, he's just using you to feel better about himself. Of course he didn't make you feel special or great about your body, he'd have to actually CARE for you for you to feel good about showing yourself naked to him. You know he doesn't care for you, and that's why this moment was not special, but cheap.
Find yourself a man who respects you. A man who respects you and genuinely cares for you will make you feel great about your body, versus how this online perv makes you feel.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (11 November 2011):
 I'm guessing it's because, despite the ridiculously easy availability of porn, there is still something attractive to men about seeing a "real" woman, warts and all.
That said, the whole dynamic you described here doesn't sound ideal. 2 years of online dating - have you two met each other in that time?
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reader, unknown2u +, writes (11 November 2011):
Hon, stop beating yourself up. You feel like you made a mistake. OK, if it was, it's a mistake thousands (or more) of women have made. You weren't true to yourself. While that was prompted by pressure from him, the fact of the matter is that it was you who chose to do it. Taking your anger out on him is misplaced. He asked for a long time before you did it, so you knew well beforehand about his charachter. You did something consensual, now you regret it. That's your issue to deal with, and taking it out on him won't help the relationship.
As for your second question, there is no comparison between some anon porn girl and someone you know. I've seen countless naked women in porn, but I get to see my wife naked only rarely. A naked pic of her would be something very, very special indeed. No comparison at all. If I were ever to be priviledged to be allowed to take one (which won't happen in this space-time continuum) I would treasure it. If you're with a good guy, what he saw will be a private treasure for him forever.
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