A
male
age
36-40,
*evinator
writes:dear cupid, ok here goes. i have been married to a great woman for 5 years, problem is i was duped by her, while i was a virgin when i married her she wasnt, she clearly lied to me when i asked her about her sexual past. i found a sextape of her and her ex which she forgot to get rid of, to make matters worse this guy leaves in the same town. i havent comfronted her yet, i need advise on how i should handle this, i dont to feel like the safe guy who got duped.
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her ex, sexual past Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016): Great points BrownWolf! Plus you made me laugh :)Okay. DO you know why she could have lied, kevinator? Because of the pressure. She was in love with you and she was obviously right - 5 years of a happy marriage. Now, it is a stupid thing to do, but she wanted to be good enough for you because you had set these standards that were too high.So you were a virgin when the two of you got married at 25 or later, that was YOUR choice. The only thing she did wrong was that she lied. Not that she had sex with someone or that she had a relationship before marriage.If you really want to continue having a happy marriage do not attack her, just tell her what you find and ask her why she lied. (but you already know the answer, she was trying to please you).Think about other areas in life. DO you have other sets of rules? People who do often find themselves lied to because they appear strict and unforgiving. No one could ever live up to their perfection. This can be especially tricky when rearing kids...
A
male
reader, kevinator +, writes (5 April 2016):
kevinator is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont believe that. if she wanted some one with a 12incher id be honest with her. let her make a choice then. but i didnt get a choice in that. and men who find out they raised another mans child, thats just brutal man, the worst thing you can do to a man. i wont stand for it, maybe if i experience the same thing well people cheat all the time right?? she can write it off as a human mistake and get over it right?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (5 April 2016):
WHOA !!! HOLD UP THERE SIR....YOU WHAT ????
"i deserve to get what i want in a woman?"
You DESERVE????
Where the hell in GOD's green Earth do you DESERVE anything????
What if she said she to you... I DESERVE to have a man with a 12 inch penis or else...what then??? Let me guest... she is not allowed to deserve anything right??
HA! With that mentality, you wonder why she did not tell you the truth ?? As that saying goes "You can't handle the truth"
Dude...men find out years later that their own kids are not theirs...you could be one of them. Or find out your wife use to be a man. Point is...there are worst things to find out 5 years later...oh trust me.
The only thing you deserve is a happy marriage...And if she is doing her job at that...what else do you want??
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A
male
reader, kevinator +, writes (4 April 2016):
kevinator is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni married her thinking she was a virgin. i have not yet talked to her about this because i want to be calm when i talk to her. look basically she said she was a virgin, when we first started dating she new about my beliefs and what i wanted in a woman. it was my ideal i was not judgemental on any one who had a sexual past but i deserve to get what i want in a woman? call it preference
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (4 April 2016):
You really that upset over sex?? You said she is a great woman...but you found out she was not a virgin and now all bets are off. My man...unless she is lying to you now about you being the only man she is sleeping with, then...go easy.
No need losing a great woman you have now because of past events. A video verses 5 years...what holds the most value??
Make your own video.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 April 2016):
 You married her knowing she was not a virgin. You seem overly hung up on this. Now, is your wife still in contact with this ex-lover? If she is, then there is need for concern.
What excuse has she given for not destroying the sextape? It is a bit odd that she still has it after 5 years of marriage.
Can you give us a bit more info please?
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