A
male
age
41-50,
*LONSO80
writes:I consider myself a "nice guy." I don't smoke, don't do drugs. Drink very rarely. I go to Grad School. Have a decent job, go to church every Sunday. I'm very detail oriented, I give flowers, candy, pay for everything polite, considerate, sweet reliable, responsible, sensitive, hate confrontations etc etc.Yet i have met some girls who say I'm not their type. Later I see them with these losers, definitely not better looking and better dressers than me, who won't urinate to put a fire out. They don't do the stuff I've done for them. And I think she pays when they go out. Yet they're head over heels for them. Why's that? What am I missing?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lina319  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 Ok, the guys that responded to your question seem moronic to me. You giving flowers, being polite, and staying away from ciggs and alcohol don't make you any less capable of defending yourself or a woman you wind up with. You are just a different sort of man. One who can be a gentleman, treat a woman the way she needs and deserves to be treated. You don't need to go wild and crazy fucking different women, and clubbing to prove your manhood.
I just have a feeling you are meeting the wrong women. Also we don't have enough information to really know why women choose the bad boys necessarily. Maybe there is something wrong with your personality, maybe you aren't that good looking, maybe you like very young women. Who knows. So many factors play a huge role in understanding why things are the way they are. In general, try to find a pattern in the women you choose to have relations with, and in the future try your hardest to avoid those sort of women.
Honestly, you sound like a good catch to me. Give it time, the right woman will come to you. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Its not because you are not a good person. Or that they don't want a good man.Its the fact you are as ruthless and sharp as a rose-petal. You might as well be a fluffy little bunny rabbit. Women dote over those things, but don't like to marry them.What you need is to relax a bit and let yourself develop a bit of an edge. Like, go out and have fun dancing, drinking and fucking.You don't have to be an asshole. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt. But you do need to be able to make a woman laugh and give her a feeling of adventure.You need to show a little fire.There is no point in trying to say you aren't that type of person. Because all humans are capable of that kind of edge. That kind of danger. We all have Hyde just waiting to get out. And the fact that you are doing all this not for their benefit, but because YOU want to get a woman and possibly some sex, proves that the heart of a red-blooded man beats within that angelic exterior (don't even try to deny it).Its a matter of learning how to use it to help and not hinder. Because too much edge equals an asshole and women by and large hate them as much as the limp-wristed angels.So go out and have a smoke once in a while. Get drunk once in a while, but not to excess, just so you are relaxed. Let that animal out of its cage before you murder someone.So in conclusion, you can be as nice and respectful as you like. But unless you have even the slightest trace of manly boof-headedness then you might as well be the Bubonic Plague for all the women you'll get.Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): I think some woman just like going Dutch, or what you call you pay for your meal, they pay for their meal.
Some of them are probably just afraid. Afraid that all of this goodness means that you see them as lesser or something. It's hard to explain. Sometimes they want to hold the door for you. They want to be in a relationship where things seem more equal. Now if these women are paying for EVERYTHING and doing EVERYTHING for these bad boys, well then I am wrong, that is not what they want. If this is the case, Idk what they want! lol
I had a friend who was a "good boy." He is now dating someone and has been for a while now. I am sure that you will find someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): These girls are probably not very interested in settling down for the rest of their lives. Their having fun right now and they find the "bad boy" to be thrilling, authoratative, and "manly."
You'll find a girl one day who wants a relationship with a man who she can take seriously, repect and truely care for.
You may be aiming for the wrong crowd Raise the bar a little.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): You are going for the 'type' of women that you seem to be attracted to. What you may be attracted to, may not necessarily be the right 'type' of women for you.
Reassess this and you may find that there are more 'types' of women than the 'ones' you're attracted to at the moment. If not, then you can conform your personality to what those women want. Know that this may be daunting on you over time if you choose to conform.
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A
female
reader, jessylisa  +, writes (23 April 2009):
believe me many women would be glad to have you not all of us like a bad boy, you just need to find someone with the same values as you!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): "I'm very detail oriented, I give flowers, candy, pay for everything polite, considerate, sweet reliable, responsible, sensitive, hate confrontations etc etc."
Its very much so a primal thing. I mean, no offense, but what I get from that is you can be walked all over. The ladies want a man that can stand up for himself. Perhaps I'm wrong.. You CAN do this can't you?
And in my experience..they might want a "nice guy", but he's gotta have at least a few rough edges.. Otherwise what would they dedicate all their energy into "fixing"? lol
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