A
male
age
36-40,
*agami
writes:A while ago I was in love with a chinese girl I knew for over 2 years. We were best friends and loved doing everything together. I always kept it open that one day we should try dating and she always found ways to dodge the topic. But whenever we didn't talk about the possibility of dating she was always all over me and we were always acting closer than friends. About a year into it we even had sex a couple of times but never took it as a relationship start. I was single the entire time and during our friendship she dated two guys. The first was a 6'4" white guy (she's 4'10") who was an asshole to her but she could never seem to look away. It took a lot of pain on her part for her to leave which of course angered me. After that she was single for about a year. This is when we were most intimate but she still wouldn't call me her boyfriend (we were practically dating already). I could tell how much she loved me (her eyes her body language) she even told me how much she cares for me. Then I told her I love her and that there's no reason we shouldn't be together if we both have a strong connection and care for each other. Her only response is that she can't see herself with someone who isn't a tall white guy. It's what she wants more than anything. She said if she dates me eventually shell cheat on me for that type of guy she wants. After that all I saw where ever I went was an Asian woman and a white man. My only response (to myself) is what kind of world do we live in where these Asian women cast aside decent men to pursue their fantasy of having a white man? I truly felt like she was infected by something along her upbringing that made it impossible for her to be happy with a non-white person. I left it alone since we were too close and losing her at all would be devastating. After a while she met another tall white guy and the way she obsessed, hovered over him and called him every chance she got sickened me. She barely knew him a couple of weeks and she preferred him to her 2 year best friend. Eventually we fought until we weren't friends anymore. It was because I was getting in the way of her new guy and I didn't care. When they eventually broke up, she took it out on me and that was the end of it. I saw her some time later and the sadness in her eyes almost made me cry. I could tell she missed me but I could still see that look she had that she could never date me because of what she wants. Currently last I heard, she's with another tall white guy.Did I ever have a chance? She almost hated herself for the way she saw things. She always said she wished with all her heart she could see herself with me but she couldn't. This society has changed the way people see each other and it sickens me. It has cost me the love of my life and now I'm never satisfied with anyone. My happiness can never compare and it makes me sad. If you read this, thank you for showing interest in my wall of text.Just adding that she is a very Americanized Asian. If she didn't have the face or speak Cantonese you would never know. Her decision was not influenced by my financial stability or personality. I have a bachelors degree and I'm a Sergeant in the Military. She loved my personality and always wished her boyfriends had the same. Her white guy boyfriends were all losers who never owned up to any mistake and never worked hard for anything. This is why I felt insulted whenever she turned to them. But as long as the person isn't white that person isn't a dating option for her. The only other type she will never even try is asian men. She always told me she would never date an asian man. Since her parents would only approve asian men she kept her boyfriends a secret and she knows one day she'll have to face that problem with them.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mxcn +, writes (25 August 2014):
I'm Chinese, born and raised in China. My boyfriend is Mexican; we have been together for 3 years, since 2011. Of course it is possible for Asian women to date Hispanic men, and to me, I think Hispanic men are the most attractive of all races.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2013): Hello, I think it is a waste of your time trying to convince someone to love you even she made it clear to you that she only only see herself with someone else. Maybe she just prefers white men. It she her choice .I think in terms of interracial romantic relations,people have mixed feelings about it.Sometimes you heard news about people getting hurt because they are in interracial relationships.In terms of Asian women/ white men romantic relations, you can see that people make fun of it, love it, or neutral, all mixed opinions.You live in the States?Then you might be aware that Asian women/white men relationships is not super rare.I think this relationship is more common is because of our society. I mean everywhere you go in America, you see that white people are the most dominating race in our popular media.I mean I been going to an american theater 10 times this year and guess what? Most of the leading stars are white!I think white people are seem to be more acceptable to some nonwhites in terms of interracial romance is because the media makes that desirable. I find beauty in all race.I'm an Asian woman, and I think you should leave your friend alone. And look for someone new.
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A
male
reader, Kagami +, writes (16 February 2010):
Kagami is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with Ms.female reader, anonymous because that's exactly what she felt. We had an understanding of each other that was very rare.
As for Jmtmj, take a look around. I'm sure you know plenty of Asians who date all around races but there are plenty of Asians who date strictly white men. There's a difference between having a preference and feeling cannot be happy with any other type.
Also it's one thing when she is telling me one thing and doig another. She was even coming on to me when she had her boyfriends so attraction wasn't an issue. I tried being a friend without showing any indication of how much I cared. We even agreed to give each other space since the at rate we were getting closer, our friendship line was getting blurred. Her boyfriends of course hated me, but she would always defend me and fight them. But of course at the end of the night we all know who she sleeps with. It didn't make sense even after she broke up with them because of her defending me. It was like why keep me around if I'm going to keep you from you supposed "fantasy"?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 Don't blame society because ONE woman wasnt attracted to you. This stereotype that asian women want tall white men is complete nonsense. Everybody has their own personal type/preference as to what look they find attractive and sometimes it can be unusual.
You should have been satisfied being her close friend, instead of running around after her when she clearly made it obvious that you guys had no romantic future together. She even said she'd cheat on you if you got together... now if that aint her trying to get you to stop coming on to her then I dont know what is.
She didnt find YOU attractive as a life partner, this is not a race thing. Move on and find someone that will start falling for you from day 1, not someone who has already placed you in the "friend" category. She should have known better and not used you as a fall back guy when she was lonely, its clearly played havoc with your emotions.
I feel for ya bro, really I do, but never fear, there is no shortage of asian women out there, if they're your type :)
Best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2010): I've never heard of this preference in Asian women before. Out of the 30 or so Asian women I know, 1 has ended up with a tall white guy. Everybody has different features that physically attract them and it sounds to me like her attraction is triggered by tall white men. For me, it's shorter dark haired men. She can still be attracted to other men but feels the attraction could not last long term because the physical side doesn't have the same intensity. I have male friends who love me but no matter how much I wish I could, I know I cannot return that love forever. It sounds like that's how she feels with you, the way she gives you those longing looks you talk about; she would love it if she could return your feelings and make you happy (as well as stop all the heartache she experiences) but she knows it wouldn't work.
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