A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have sex 4 times a week, and I found out he had been using porn and pretended he was having with the women in the video sometimes, he claims he thought this was ok and that I would of been fine with it. I watched some porn myself but I always pretended it was me and my boyfriend. I have seen people and found them attractive and enjoyed watching music videos with attractive men in but I don't pretend I'm having sex with them, I just don't feel the need. Why do people want to look at others when they are getting what they want? I feel like he likes them better than me because they are prettier and better in bed. He also says he isn't bothered about me thinking of other men when masturbating because he'd know I would be thinking of him after I've finished, I've tried it wouldn't work, I just don't understand it, it does nothing for me. I don't understand what people mean when they say it's not a reflection on you but how can it not be? If they were happy they would feel guilty or lose interest I think.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): I'm going through the same thing of my husband
watching prons,and then wanting to be with
me,and he cant seem to understand why I
dont want to be with him,after he been watching
that..To me,it is like,he's thinking of whoever
it was he watched in them movies.Like I'm
beening used.He tells me all that stuff too
that he loves me,& my body is great & does
everything he needs..But,I CANT believe this
because,if that was true,he wouldnt have to
result in watching that.It REALLY does tear up
marriages!! I wont be with him,when he's been watching that
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): As long as he doesn't prefer to fantasize about them over having sex with you, then I don't see a problem here. I can understand your feeling inferior since you think the women he views are prettier. However, you have to remember something. Those women have had a lot of work done to look the way they do. Implants, labiaplasty, professional makeup, tanning, and hair extensions can do wonders. It can transform your everyday average woman into a beauty queen. Not to mention all the clever lighting and angles that are used in filming porn to make the already transformed women look completely perfect. I think a lot of men know this, and choose not to care. For them, it's just something to look at while masturbating, nothing more. You are the woman he loves, they are just sex objects to him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 August 2012):
In a nutshell, the human mind isn't designed to like only one person. Can you imagine if that was so? The world would run out of children just like that because we'd all be thinking of one person, most likely the so called 'one that got away'.
I think sadly, a lot of people overlook the basic biological urges that humans have, and instead place emotion so high up that they ignore other important things, or they wind up hurt for no logical reason.
It isn't possible, ever, to just be able to switch off to other people. For some time, it can go away. But at some point, no matter who you are, there will be someone else that you think about, even if it's just for a second.
Don't sit there trying to think about whether he's happy based upon porn. Instead, look at your relationship and decide whether it's what you want.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I have many links about this on my profile, you should read through them.
But I don't think it's reasonable for you to watch porn yourself and then say it's not OK for him to watch.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2012): "I feel like he likes them better than me because they are prettier and better in bed."
How would he know whether they're better in bed or not?
"I don't understand what people mean when they say it's not a reflection on you but how can it not be?"
First off explain how it could be? How is it a reflection on you? Because you think they're prettier? Well that's you making the comparison not him.
"If they were happy they would feel guilty or lose interest I think."
Nope I use porn and so does my girl, I don't feel guilty in the slightest and I'm very happy in my relationship. I also haven't lost interest in porn because I will always masturbate and porn makes that easier.
It's nothing to do with my girlfriend it's just a wank and just because we may think or do different things when watching porn makes no difference to anything.
You're the only person making this a reflection on you, he's not and seeing as you watch porn too then I don't see the problem. You can't control how a person fantasizes OP but if you're not happy with the way he does then you may have to consider finding a guy who shares your sexual views.
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