A
female
age
30-35,
*ver..worried.
writes:I had sex with my boyfriend of 6 months for the first time 4 days ago. I was virgin. It just kind of happened, with out any planning like I had always wanted. I am 16 I must add. At first I thought I will probably regret this, because people make it seem like this huge deal. It is only till after that I realized it wasn't. I am usually over emotional and I remember people making bets over me crying after ... I didn't. I didn't feel bad .... nothing has changed. I don't feel different. So how come all my life people were making me feel guilty for even thinking about it? I am not stupid I am on birth control .... I know what a condom is. So why is it now I feel like it's everyone else that I have to worry about. I am that "innocent" girl. Now I only feel bad cause I have no one to tell. So here I am telling strangers cause I have no were else to go...... Why is it that we all worry about what others think? Why is it they make it seem so bad to do before marriage .....
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): I agree with RAINORFIRE; it's obvious that sex can have physical impact on you...if you get pregnant, what will you do? Condoms break. But people don't seem to point out the emotional impact sex has on you. Once you do it, there's no going back.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 People do NOT generally make it as if having sex before marriage is a big deal. Personally I have never met anybody at all who felt this way , -including in the years that I have lived in Italy, where in theory the Catholic Church should still influence sexual choices.
It's having sex too soon that's a big deal. Like, when you are to irresponsible to care about avoiding unwanted pregnancies and STDs. When you are likely having sex for the wrong reasons, like peer pressure. When you are too inexperienced to distinguish who cares about you and who want to use you for sex and discard you after use. When a sexual relationship risks to be the center of your whole social end emotional life ,hindering study and work.
There are many "when ", the basic idea being that sex is for when you have reached not only physical but also mental and emotional maturity - with our without a marriage in view .
Some people has reached this level of maturity by your age-
and many don't. Family and society want to protect those who don't from unpleasant consequences- and at times they resort to a bit of "scare tacticts " in doing so.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Let's stop talking about society and let's talk about you. You don't feel anything like it's not a big deal, congratulations you are desensitized to sex and emotions and love....or it hasn't hit you yet, or it is starting to and you're feeling like you have to tell someone, why? It's no ones business but yours and your boyfriends.
I think you don't know yourself that well, I think you haven't been having sex long enough to know what kind of affect it will have on you the longer you do this with your boyfriend, or how sex will change the way you feel if he rejects you.
You'll learn the lesson that you want to know in time.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (22 July 2010):
 this has lots of answers...
It could be for religious or cultural reasons or even evolutionary... humans seem hard wired to feel virginity especially female virginity is of great importance.. Many people have a hard time dealing with their partners past sexual experiences... The Bible says when you have sex with some one out side of marriage its a sin that influences many peoples belief on the subject.. it also says when you have sex with someone you become one with then your soul kinda bonds to theirs...according to many teachings When you marry some one its supposed to be for life and your only supposed to have sex with the person you mary.. so there for whoever wrote these things knew greatly of the power of sex..
Another thing look at society... theres disease orphans single mothers.. sex has brought so many multitudes of problems.. just look at this site half the people wouldnt be on here if they werent having sex with some one and got into a bind.. I dont mean just getting pregnant... for instance when you get married you take vows the two people pledge to be there for each other so its one thing f they have sex and create a stronger bond between each other... but a BF and GF or FWB having sex creating a bond with no vows not good...
Having sex when ever you have it is up to you its only a big deal if you make it a big deal... for some its a religious view for others theres other reasons why virginity is important or waiting to have sex.. everyone's different...
We live in a highly hypocritical world we tell our children not to have sex for some reason or another then we tell them they evolved from a monkey.
you did it you enjoyed it thats all you can ask for
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): It ISN'T a big deal. Only people and cultures make it one, so if you challenge that mind-set they will look down on you. But, it's your body and you can do what you will with it if you are of legal age.
The only problem for society is an unwanted pregnancy and you have that covered: use at least two methods of birth control and I don't see any contra-arguments at all.
One method ought to be a condom for your protection against STIs.
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