A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am a very honest person, in a good way. But i dont believe in lying or sugar coating. (im not an overbearing or rude person at all, i say everything as politely as possible i just know some people dont like it)So i dont understand why in relationships people play so many games with each other? If im upset i say it, if im unsure of something i will say, its hard to explain. Im just not the type of person to hide behind hinting or silent treatment etc.I would have thought this sort of thing would be appreciated or that men would want someone like that.But i find it hard to find men who do?I would be grateful for any help, thanks! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012):
The bitterest pill is always hard to swallow.. People in general do not like being told things that hey know we're maybe wrong or not right.. That doesn't mean that you should change you.
Just think before you say whatever it is how you would feel if someone else was saying whatever it is to you, it will make you pause enough to make sure that maybe you say it with a bit of a lighter edge.. Unless its something extremely serious then by all means key them have it two barrel full
You'll find mr right.. Who can see that your honesty is a part of you ..
..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Ask any woman and she'll tell you, us guys are like little boys, we sulk if we get told a few home truths. We prefer things sugar coated lol.
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (29 November 2012):
 I think if a guy is turned off by you NOT playing games, he is most likely immature and not ready for the serious committment. Talking real feelings and being open and honest is very real, if a guy isn't ready to get real and prefers to hide behind the games he won't be interested. A man ready for committment would LOVE a woman who speaks her mind openly. Men hate the silent treatment crap and not admitting when you are sad, drives them crazy. I've always been like you, open and honest about my feelings. I found that more often than not it was greatly appreciated but I did a have a couple of guys shy away. I assumed they wanted the chase and fun games, I don't do that so I stopped contact. Stick to being yourself. It's a great quality to have and it will be greatly appreciated by a more mature man who is ready for it. Most women aren't straight forward so it's pretty attractive to find ones who are, as I have been told many times.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 November 2012):
 hi
Alot of people don't like the truth, they may say they do but once somethings said and its out there you can't take it back.Hence they have to deal with it.
I prefer to be open,not blunt, but say what am feeling.Games just waste my energy, I used to play them many years ago but as time went on I learnt it was better just to save time and be honest.
I ask questions now and act on the answers,if they go silent I let them get on with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2012): Lots and lots of reasons OP. Immaturity, clashing personalities, love of drama, expression of passion, mentally unstable, most people just get caught up the emotion of the whole thing and don't deal with them well. Nothing like a fiery relationship to help you understand how much of an irrational fool you're capable of becoming.
But I find the biggest reason of all is because dating is a game. It has rules and you kind of have to play.
I mean women have their rules, guy has to pay on the date or he's cheap, if he calls too early he's too keen, if he calls too late he's not interested enough, if you respond too soon after a message you're too keen, too late and he may think you're not bothered. The silent treatment seems to be more of a male thing, we know women will worry and need reassurance on things so it's designed to make them suffer. What women do then is they remember every single heat of the moment thing you've ever said, any insult or broken promise and they bring it up months even years later as ammunition in arguments, use it to attack you.
It's just kind of how it is. But obviously not for all people and all games aren't bad. I mean teasing can be quite a fun game as long as there is a reward at the end.
In your case you just need to find a like-minded man.
I hate games and am very straight edge but I do see their value to people. Some people need that kind of edge to their relationships or they get bored. It's a source of passion to them to compete.
I have a feeling you'd find a guy similar to you boring though OP. You've probably met loads of very respectable non-game playing men and just not even considered them because of that, whether consciously or subconsciously.
Trust me OP I'm 10 years older and the amount of women I hear who say they hate games yet never go for an obviously straight shooting guy is pretty much all of them. Or they do go for that guy after a particularly head wrecking relationship as a safe option and get bored after a while.
You ladies like a guy with a bit of an edge, to most women that's games. That need goes with age though and the need for security and stability outweighs it.
I'd bet anything in the world you're not attracted to straight edge type of guy. I mean you may think you are, but look back on your dating history, your crushes etc. and think of what attracted you to them and what type of guy they are.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (29 November 2012):
 I think what may be the problem is how much you tell them the truth because I'm exactly like you and I find that my boyfriend can't handle all of it. too much makes then feel like they're always doing the wrong thing. I think that you might not be expressing yourself as well as you think and so they take it badly. I've researched and found true in experience that when you want something sorted you need to say it in a constructed way without attacking them. for example, you hate him not cleaning, what you might say is " why didn't you do the dishes? you're not as tired as me", the research I found is that using the word " "you" really puts them on the spot and hence they get defensive. So, when you have a complaint you should say something like "I'm really tired from work today, could you please do the dishes to help me out as that would make me very happy", here you haven't attacked him and you gave him a good reason for doing it.
obviously everyone is different. I've found out that some people don't like voicing their opinion because they hate confrontation or they're just shy and don't know how to express themselves. maybe they have something to hide and can't face the consequences? or maybe they honestly think they're doing the right thing by lying as they think the truth will make matters worse no matter how much you tell them lies are worse. or even maybe they're are just plain stubborn.
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