A
male
age
51-59,
*ookingforanswers1
writes:As my username says, I am truly looking for answers. I have just finished having all of my girlfriend's belongings moved out of my house and I am sitting here wondering how she could have been so stupid and unthinking to ruin such a wonderful relationship like she did.I am almost 40, once divorced and always maintained I would never be burned again. She was 33 and never married. I was in love with her and we were together for 5 years. I was going to marry her (thank God I didn't) but up till now, we lived in the same house with rock solid co-habitation agreement drawn up by separate counsel. As I have said, I was not about to be taken for a ride once again. I own a business, make extremely good money and we enjoyed a very envious lifestyle up until a few weeks ago.Then one day, she accidentally leaves her Facebook account open on the laptop and I see she has her ex-boyfriends page up. This is a guy who cheated on her and dumped her 7 years ago. I see there are are some messages exchanged on there so I clicked on them only to find out they are chatting about very sexual intimate things. I print out these chats and I confront her about it. She initially said it had just started but eventually broke down and told me she had been "sexting" or texting her ex for the last year and she sent him pictures of herself in various stages of undress. So here we have a somewhat logical women throwing her life away with me, a handsome, successful business man who provided her a lifestyle she could never dream of, for a cheap thrill!I read these forums and I shake my head! What is with all these grown adults doing this crap?? Has everyone turned into crazed sex maniacs because technology has advanced to this level or were they always this way, but with no real outlet for it? It boggles my mind.Well her stuff is all packed up in a moving van, she will certainly be surprised when she gets home tonight. I have consulted my lawyer and I am completely within my rights to just toss her stuff on the curb but I have some class. I really do hope that she learns her lesson from this. I wonder if being homeless for a few days will be enough to do that to her. She has nothing now and I will make sure she gets nothing from me other than moving van rental for 2 days. I hope her cheap thrill, with the guy who used her before, was worth everything she is about to experience.Why do people do this texting, facebook crap when they are in good relationships? I am curious to know if anyone cane give me some insight.
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reader, shawncaff  +, writes (20 November 2010):
 I am struck by a couple things:
First, you claim to be surprised at how she could "ruin such a wonderful relationship" and a "lifestyle which could never dream of" with a "handsome, successful businessman".
Obviously, she did "ruin a wonderful relationship". If she felt it was wonderful, she would not have cheated. YOU thought it was wonderful. She was underhanded and hurtful and backstabbing to be sure...but for her there was something wrong in a relationship that was not wonderful.
Also, your recourse to externalities like lifestyle and physical attributes mask deeper issues. Everyone knows that there has to more substance in a relationship for it work than riches and beauty. You are asking the wrong questions. You should ask what was lacking in the relationship for her rather than imposing your own categories of why the relationship should work. From your end, you thought the formula was: Good lifesyle + handsome guy = happy woman. Clearly, her formula was something else.
I agree with repetitive-edge: these new technologies do not cause cheating; they are only an additional tool. The yearnings and caprice of the human heart have always been like this.
I do not mean to ignore your pain and anger. I also am dismissing her childish and unfaithful actions. But if you are to learn from this and make sense of this, I think you need to address the real issues, which are deeper than wealth, beauty and Facebook.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): At your age I hardly feel you should be dealing with issues such as these. For one I think that you may have been snopping in hope that you may find somethin, we all have an intuition and know when our partners are being unfaithful. That, or she is a fool to leave her FB account open, unless she wanted you to see it.
In essence I think you brought alot of your ex experience into the present one and I dont think you have completely let go of what happened in the past.
So look at it as a blessing take time for yourself and when you learn to trust again then I think take the next step.
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