A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why is that a foreign guy leaves his family , his country , where he has spend his childhood, his friends and everything for American wife and relocate to US but still he will get this taunt of getting married for green card? Why American girls don't appreciate this sacrifice of foreign guys? Please have your thought on this! Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 I respect your opinion as well, Cindy. I actually have travelled quite a bit. Not to Pakistan, where our OP is from, but I'm an American who spent the first decade of her childhood living abroad due to my father's job. We moved around Europe every couple of years. Since becoming an adult, I've travelled on my own to spend a few months checking out South America and I've lived in a few different cities in different regions of the US. So, I'm not speaking out of my a** here.
Anyway, the main point that I was making in my original answer remains the same. Stereotypes exist, but you can't let them get you down. People may have their initial prejudices, but it's your own individual actions and behaviors by which they'll ultimately judge you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 August 2013):
 @MsSadie : I respect your opinion, but... it is an opinion, not a general, absolute rule ( same goes for MY opinion, of course ). For each immigrant who's heartbroken to leave their country, there's another one ( or maybe two or three ) that are very excited and can't wait. ( Case in point, I was one :) and I surely did not even come from a background of poverty, underprivilege and oppression !). Sure, moving - anywhere , even from rural New Jersey to downtown Manhattan - takes guts , adaptability , some times resilience, it is a challenge. But it is a challenge that many immigrants take voluntarily and enthusiastically precisely because , all in all, done their calculations of pros and cons, they do not feel that what they leave behind is so great and fantastic.
This will sound as very patronizing and I apologize for that, but... I get the impression that you haven't traveled a lot, or even known well personally many immigrants, particularly from Thirld World countries . I did, and, without boring you with an arm -long list of specific cases, let's just say : there are some pretty shitty places in the world. And some pretty shitty situations in some nice places too. A lot of people are so desperate to leave them behind FOREVER that they sell even the shirt off their back to come to Europe as clandestines - for the privilege of sleeping ten in an one bedroom , and earning maybe 7 euros per hour off the books - it's still better than what they know at home. Once they are here , one of the way to straighten out their legal status is... to marry a local. In Italy the average offer is around 5-7000 euros. In USA , it's even more- ( And yes, I know of quite a few marriages happened this way ).
But, at least, if one says " hey, I'll give you 15.000 dollars to marry you and get my Green Card ", at least his intentions are clear, there's no deception. There have been many cases where people spared the money- and used their charm , instead, to get the same result.
So, back to the OP, that's why people may act suspicious. Because they know, or heard of , other people who got burnt this way. In other words, because one bad apple may make you NEED to check accurately ( I don't say " reject on principle",- just check accurately ) all the other apples in the basket .
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (30 August 2013):
I have to disagree a bit with two of the first three answers.
Leaving one's country is always going to be a massive sacrifice. Sure, you may be dodging some things like mandatory military requirements or arranged marriage, but that doesn't cancel out the fact that you're leaving everything you've ever know behind - family, friends, aesthetics of the land and architecture, culture, maybe even language, climate, etc. That is absolutely huge! If you're doing that, OP, I have nothing but the utmost respect for your courage.
Secondly, I don't know how common it actually is that fraudulent marriages take place so that one in the couple can gain citizenship. I know many immigrants who moved to the United States, went through the long process to gain citizenship, and didn't marry until during that process or after they'd already become citizens.
I think it's just one of those things where there were several people who DID take part in fraudulent marriages, and so it has become a belief by the close-minded that that's how ALL foreigners who marry Americans must be. In other words, it's just another stupid stereotype that you can't let bother you. As a young, black female here in the US, I deal with a ton of stupid stereotypes on a daily basis. All I can do is be myself and let my personality and actions naturally and eventually prove those stereotypes wrong to the people who choose to believe them.
Also, be careful not to yourself make generalizations. Just because there may be a few people who ignorantly make assumptions about you and your marriage, that doesn't mean that all of us have those assumptions.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 August 2013):
...Because for many people ( not all of course ) from many countries ,it's not such a big sacrifice at all ,it is in fact exactly what they want and desire : leaving places where they don't have or can't get any work, money, modern conveniences, personal ,political and sexual freedom, where they'd have to accept an arranged marriage or serve 3 mandatory years in the Army etc. etc., to go to the States where they can get some work, make some money and do what they want out of their strict familiar/social/religious control. One of the most popular ways to reach this goal is precisely to convince an American citizen to get married with them .
Of course this does not apply to ALL marriages with non-USA citizens, and not even to the majority, just to a minority. But, let's say that it happened often enough to make any American citizen REASONABLY cautious in reference to this type of situation.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 August 2013):
 Some such "marriages" ARE, indeed, made under fraudulent pretenses. BUT, that doesn't mean that YOUR's is!!!!!
IF you sometimes have to endure some idiot who infers so (fraud) about you and your wifey, I suggest that you hear them out, and, when they're done, say to them: "Wait a minute..... are you telling me that, because I married this lovely wife of mine, I am going to get a GREEN CARD, TOO????? Damn, that's sure like hitting a grand slam home run in the bottom of the ninth inning!!!!!"
That should put the situation in perspective....
Good luck... and welcome to the US of A....
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