A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been using a dating site for awhile. Where I live there's really nowhere to go to meet men, unless it's a bar, which I'd rather not do, so it's the online dating. Anyway, every time I seem to find someone that seems interested, it only lasts for a short period. We talk online for a bit, then we begin to text or phone calls, then it just stops before they ever meet me. I haven't a clue what I could be doing wrong. I go back over and over what was said and as far I can tell, nothing was said that shouldn't have been, nothing showing desperation or neediness at all. We talk, we ask questions, we laugh and tease, we get to know each other just like normal people, then all of a sudden, nothing. It's very discouraging...I don't want to give up, but that about seems to be my only recourse.
View related questions:
period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): This is what I've pretty much figured out (and of course there are exceptions):If you are on FREE dating sites, you are more likely to encounter people who are not serious about actually meeting someone in real life, they are socially inept and can't get past their computers, are lonely and want to chat, or are just looking for casual sex, or they are married, bored and not working on their relationships but looking for an immediate thrill because someone is paying attention to them.If you are on a dating site that costs you money every month, you are more likely to find people who are serious about finding someone because they are paying too. Sure there are plenty of people who still do the same things as they do on the free sites, but it narrows down a bit.When you connect with someone, give it about two-three weeks tops to get to a meeting date. If the person is serious about getting to that point, they will not waste time either. You connect, you exchange emails, you talk on the phone to set up a meeting day, time and place. Make sure it's a publc casual place, perhaps for coffee or a drink and always make sure someone knows where and what you are doing. If all of this does not happen in a reasonable amount of time, move on. You can potentially go on multiple meeting dates during this time. When you meet in person, there may be a connection and maybe there won't be, but you can't really know until you meet them in person.I doubt you are doing anything wrong except letting it go on too long... you can let a man lead, to a point. I think after a few minutes of feeling comfortable talking with that person on the phone, you should go right into and be direct... I am enjoying our conversation and would like to meet you ... would you like to get together for coffee next week on Tuesday or Thursday evening? Direct, and will require a yes, no, or, I will have to check my calendar and get back to you answer. However that plays out will tell you where it's going. You don't hear back from him within a day or two, move on. If he makes up excuses and doesn't answer in one of those three ways, move on. You are not asking this man out on a date, you are asking to meet in person...a meeting date. Big difference. If things go well, he can ask you out on a real date, such as out to dinner. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
 IF they have not asked to meet you by the third email then they are just wasting time... some are married/committed and do the dating site thing for a thrill.
Some may be socially awkward and do this thing as a way to feel safe.
Are you using a good dating site or are you at OK CUPID and POF?
I just saw ads this weekend for something called "our time" for folks over 50... maybe you need to consider a higher quality dating site and find men that are really looking for a partner.
And if it gets to 4 or more emails with questions, the proper response would be "hey let's do this over coffee on thursday night at starbucks" and see what happens.
...............................
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (14 January 2013):
There are people out there who are only in it for the chat. Sometimes they are lonely, or they have told lies about themselves which would be hard to live up to in person. If possible, I think you should get a coffee date planned sooner rather than later so that your time is not wasted.
Be careful and good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I found it best to organise a meeting pretty quick without too much online chatting cos it wears thin. once you meet the person you figure out pretty quickly whether you like them. just a coffee in a public place is the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, FightingBee123 +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Could be that there is too much texting. Why have long conversations through text when you could have better ones in person. I'm sorry if guys aren't taking the initiative to ask for a quick lunch or coffee date.
...............................
|
