A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been in a monogamous relationship with a woman and we have recently decided to become more serious. As I get to know this person more I find out things that bother me. I'm sure there are things that bother her about me but what relationship doesn't. Since we started dating a few months ago she has changed dramatically. From a tall slim classy business woman to a person who weighs as much as me. I'm 6'2 athletic and 190 lbs. She is on anti depression pills for hyperactive homophobic obsessive compulsive disorder. She quit her job to go to school last semester and now she graduated and can't find a job. She sits around the house all day on pintress and has twice as much sweets than the healthy food I prepare for her. I know it could just be a phase and once life moves on she could change back to the person I fell for. Her sister just had a child and now she is baby crazy. She is susceptible to diabetes as her mom and grandma has it. Her dad and little sister have some disease that makes their leg bones brittle. I don't want my kids to have those things... I'm also in the service and have no idea what would happen if I ever left for a deployment. Basically what I need is confermation that I'm not in the wrong for wanting to move on.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Just end it and find someone else. You can't change her. Far better to leave and find someone more suitable who doesn't show so many red flags.
You don't want to waste your time. Just think, you could be out there and meeting Miss Right but instead you're wasting your time here stuck with Miss Wrong.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
It sounds shallow but when you have kids you'll love them with every ounce of your being. Subjecting them to a mom with so many potential health and mental issues isn't something that you'd ever wish on them, not to mention the heredity aspects.
Some people just shouldn't have kids and maybe it'll change but right now I don't think it'd be wise to proceed in a relationship with her.
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A
female
reader, MissEllouiseGreen +, writes (14 January 2013):
I feel for you I really do. I know personally what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who I really loved but as time moved forward he changed. He became a completely different person to who I had fallen for. We had dated a lot longer than you two but even though it hurt to say goodbye it was in fact for the best.Staying in a relationship that isn't healthy benefits neither one of you. My dear, people change because situations change, work changes, family changes, our outlooks on life what we want to accomplish and pursue changes. Life changes and as it does we change with it.You cannot stay in a relationship on the grounds that you are waiting for someone to change back. Relationships do not go backwards they only go forwards.You need someone who is active and shares your ambitions. You need someone who knows who they are and doesn't depend on you. You should respect your partner not pity them. If you do decide to end it make sure you do it in a caring and honest way as she sounds fragile. I wish you nothing but the best.Sincerely Miss Ellouise Green
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): You're not in the wrong for wanting to break up. But if she wants to know why, you should he truthful even though it will hurt her feelings. She needs feedback on why her relationship isn't working so don't deny her that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): It's my opinion that you don't really know someone until you see them under pressure.I would count what's happened here as a blessing in disguise. You are getting the chance to see how she copes with stress and the challenges of everyday life early on in your relationship, before you made any kind of deeper commitment (i.e. engagement or marriage.)You are right in having reservations about how she would handle it if you were gone on deployment. I come from a military family and my mother, a strong woman with years in the service herself, had her hands full raising three children while my dad was overseas for months at a time. It's not a role for the faint of heart!If you were married to this woman you would have some obligation to work through these issues together with her, but you've been dating her for only a few months. It's lucky for you she has shown her true colors this early. Run the other way and don't look back... you're more than justified in doing so. Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
Sounds completely justified to me. Just make sure to break up with her in a responsible and caring way since she's not a bad person, just not right for you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 No, end it now. She probably finds it tremendously hard to suppress her real junk food loving self. I have never heard of hyperactive homophobic OCD. Is it three disorders combined together? You should not bank on future changes. You assume the person she is now will be that way forever. It is up to her to maintain a good healthy lifestyle, especially when her family isn't.
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