A
female
age
30-35,
*oxicPurpleNinja
writes:My name is Cailtyn, but I go by the nickname Cat. In my classes I'm barked at and people make fun of it all the time. I've asked them to stop and I've explained it's just a shortening for my name when they ask. They say I think I'm better than them. I think it's because I don't respond or talk to them, but whenever I do talk to them, they respond by barking or with some comment about my name or how I look or just tell me to shut up. Besides, I always feel like I'm about to cry, and I don't want to give them the chance to make fun of me for that too. I don't think I'm ugly, but I sometimes wonder if they're right. I try to stick to myself and keep out of there way, but when I answer questions in school they growl or tell me to shut up because I don't know what I'm talking about. My friends keep telling me to go to the office, but I think it'll make it worse because it's a large portion of my small school. It's the majority of them. I go by that nickname because I had a friend in the summer of sixth grade who called me that and we became really close, and when she died I wanted to continue going by that nickname. I have even explained that to a few of them. I want them to stop, but I don't know what to do. I only have two more years left in High School. Should I stick it out or what? Can anyone give me any advice or just ways to make life a little better? I need to know what to do, I'm so lost. I can't figure this out on my own, it's getting to be too much. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ToxicPurpleNinja +, writes (29 December 2010):
ToxicPurpleNinja is verified as being by the original poster of the question This is really good advice, I've tried ignoring them. I did for about two years. Quietly sulking and smiling and laughing with them. i tried rebuttling with a little, "go to Hell, bite me" and they responded with, "i'm not a dog." the best option would be to just continue ignoring it. thanks guys :) you rock
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Yes, the bully gang will often target someone they think is smarter, dumber, prettier, uglier, taller, wider or thinner than themselves. Redhaired when they are blonde. Or a threat to them in some way.
A great way to handle bullies is to not react the way they expect. They want you demoralised. They want you hurt and in tears. They want to break your will.
Bullying is the same (only the intensity changes)
1. whether it is domestic violence at home.
2. Or institutional abuse in a school.
3. Or more violent physical aggression in a prison.
4. Or workplace violence
(usually psychological/ostracism/verbal abuse there)
in a work environment.
5. or social exclusion in a club with verbal abuse and
ostracism
Bullying is disgusting and that is what these people are doing to you.
see www.nrain.net/~refocus/coerchrt.html
the above link should take you to Biderman's Chart of Coercion.
This historic Coercion chart shows the bullies actions. The warning signs. And the reaction the bullies expect from the victim.
Do not react the way the bully expects and you are one step ahead of the bully. That really unsettles a bully. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but if you hang in there and do not react eventually like a cat playing with a feisty mouse, they move on to another easier to demoralise victim.
Did you ever see 'Muriel's wedding' and see how the bullies eventually got their come-uppence?
Or the nasty women who belittled Julia Roberts in the clothing shop in 'Pretty Woman'? Where those women realised they lost by treating Pretty woman in a nasty way.
In a word bullies will choose someone they see as vulnerale in some way. And where they think they can get a reaction from their chosen victim.
Bullies of any age are puerile.
You do not have to impress these puerile bullies.
Where the bullies think you are vulnerable - that is what they target. It can because you are kinder or more outgoing or more anything than them. In their opinion.
Even your quiet dignity is something they then label as "think you are better" - a rubbish comment on their part.
If you have the ability to make a quick rebuttal then do so. But if that is not possible do at least try to see these bullies as inadequate.
Going to a higher authority does not always help. Teachers often refuse to want to believe bullying is happening.
Sometimes it is better if you solve a bully problem yourself with quiet dignity, as if you do go to the office then the bullies might target you in more subtle, but just as hurtful ways.
Don't do any retaliation that could send you to the office.
Though next time the bullies strike you could raise your eyebrow, in bored disinterest, when they try to bully you. Especially if your grades are better than theirs. And ask, 'Don't you have some swotting to do for the next test?' Don't bother trying to befriend the bullies, as they have already proved they are not yet worthy of your friendship.
Stick with the people who do like you.
But you do have to insulate yourself from their barbs.
Do some work on your self esteem.
Make sure you stay healthy, eat healthy and stay fit.
Look at your best points. Not to tell anyone, but to remind you how capable and nice you are.
Look at your achievements. Once again not to tell anyone, but to remind to of your ablities.
Keep studying to get good grades.
But do NOTHING to try to impress them.
What these bullies think of you is irrelevant. You do not have to explain yourself to them. Nor impress them. They are not your friends, and don't need to be.
But you do need to believe in you.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Do not listen to them, do not give in to them. They are only fools playing a fool's game, toying with anything they can but you cannot give them the satisfaction of winning. Once they realize you are stronger, they will grow bored and leave you alone. Stay by your friends and ignore the ignorant. You do not have to become just like them. Your friends like you the way you are so stand by them and be strong.I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Kids are cruel. Kids are vicious little bastards. A lot of them never grow out of that phase, either. Small comfort is that they're makign fun of all available targets, and not just you, even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes.Taking them seriously is only going to encourage them. Thick skin and a sharp tongue are the best defense. For some people, those don't come naturally. Best to practice now, though. Learn to laugh off the insults and throw back a few of your own.You have friends, friends who obviously care, so what these other folks say is inconsequential in any practical sense. Screw them. Better yet, wish them the best, because they're not worth the effort of hating - only mocking. You and your friends can come up with some good ones, I'll bet. Honestly, the hard part isn't coming up with something mean, it's calibrating just the right level of nastiness for a comeback.You are correct in believing that getting the office involved will only make it worse. However, they may have resources available in the form of counsellors or referrals to therapists if you need them - that may be an option if things get too rough.Still, thick skin is the way to go, and will serve you well throughout life. Only way to develop it is by experience, with support from friends. Remember, nothing they say can change reality - calling you ugly doesn't make you ugly, calling you a crybaby doesn't make you a crybaby (for that matter, crying doesn't necessarily make you a crybaby).Stick it out, and enjoy your friends. These other losers are not worth missing class over. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, jcams +, writes (29 December 2010):
Cat,First of all high school can be a very cruel place for many people, so hang in there and you will be ok. Second, your nickname is something that you should be proud of. People use nicknames with people that they like or are friends with. If people are giving you a hard time about your nickname don't let it bother you. The reason they are continually commenting on it is because they get a reaction out of you when they make fun of you. If you don't give them the satisfaction of a reaction then they will stop eventually. I would not advise going to the office because that will make things worse. But if things are getting to the point where they are being verbally abusive and threatening then you do need to speak with someone. But above everything else you need to maintain your self respect and self worth. DO NOT let them bring your self image down. I am sure you are a beautiful girl with so much potential that will enrich the lives around you that it is not worth letting them bring you down. Be a pillar of strength and stand tall. You can do it. Be proud of your nickname and don't let them get a reaction out of you. I wish you the best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I wouldn't worry about it, just hang out with your friends and the people who support you and like you for who you are.If these other people don't stop making fun of you and its getting to you, there is nothing wrong with going to the office in order to get them to stop. If they have a problem with that im sure your friends will back you up. Just stay strong, and if they give you a hard time just ignore it, and i know its sounds cliche but if they give you a hard time when you are answering questions, they are probably just jealous, because they have no idea what they are talking about, and and want to compensate for their idiocy by trying to make other people feel uncomfortable. Hope this helps and good luck
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