A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship. Nor have I ever been truly asked out or taken out on a date.I've had sex and guys pursue me with only this reason in mind it seems. I'm not a whore though and don't sleep with anyone/everyone.I know I'm not ugly. I'm on OkCupid.com and get a lot of messages with flattering compliments but basically wanting to know if I'd engage in "casual sex" and that's about it. I'm confident and not some crazy girl.But I guess I'm tired of just being seen as a "fuck stick." It's making me feel like I'm only worth sex and nothing more. Meanwhile, all my friends are in serious relationships with very good boyfriends.I know I know I shouldn't worry and things will happen but I'm starting to feel defective and abnormal.Thanks to anyone who replies. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Oh...no no no! I didn't mean to imply or infer that you dress "slutty", and I profoundly apologize if that's what you got from what I said.
What I meant was that you may convey more of a fun, flirty, live-in-the-moment style, and since you're 18-21, it's possible that your clothing style reflects a younger person. There is *nothing* wrong with that, whatsoever.
Dressing more for mid-twenties as opposed to late-teens may convey that you are not interested in casual sex, but rather you are more choosy about who you get physical with. You say that clothes are a guilty pleasure, so you know that the image makes the woman. I'm not saying "slutty". I'm saying "cause the one-night-standers and players to think twice, because you're not about to let them use cheap words and minimal, if any, effort" when it comes to getting close to you physically.
That's all I meant! I didn't mean to imply slutty, nor was I even thinking it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): Man-whores will hit on most of the girls in the room. Guys looking for relationships are much pickier. So if you go to a party and the number of each group of men is equal, you will still get hit on my mostly guys who are just looking for sex. This gives girls the false perception that most guys are just after sex. In fact the guys looking for relationships are there. They just don't hit on you as often because it means more when they do.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2012):
 my ex found his current wife on OKC... it works...
make sure you put in your profile that you are NOT into casual sex..
do you limit yourself to men your age? perhaps looking for someone SLIGHTLY older is a plan?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers guys!
And yes I'm in college. I don't dress in a... "slutty" way at all. I'm more fashionable, stylish, and chic (I spend a lot on clothes, my guilty pleasure).
I don't whore around so it's not like I have some reputation either.
I guess I used OkCupid because four of my friends have found incredible boyfriends with it. Still looking for my needle in a haystack? Or maybe I'm just not lucky.=
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 April 2012):
What YouWish said... OK CUPID is where poly folks and swingers hang out mostly... that's what I was told...PoF I can't speak to
but if you want quality men on quality sites you are going to have to pay for it.
You are young.. you will meet someone... are you in school? college is coming up, that's a big wide world..
remember NO sex till you snare the fellow will insure that you are not just a handy penis holder...
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (27 April 2012):
 It sounds to me that the majority of guys on that site are only interested in hooking up with girls. Does this also also happen when you meet guys in person? A lot of the internet dating sites are used for nothing more then hooking up and you must just be someone guys feel comfortable with asking. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. All it shows is that you are meeting the wrong guys. Don't give up and I'm sure a good guy will come around.
...............................
A
male
reader, xgod +, writes (27 April 2012):
 As a male member of plentyoffish.com and a few other sites, I can speak to your problem.Many men on dating sites are simply looking for a f*k buddy, a friend with benefits, or a one-night stand. Most men on dating sites are not looking for any LTR or commitment. They want a female hole in which they can place their privates and enjoy the warmth and pleasure, then forget all about her.Sorry if this seems cruel or rude or insensitive, but it is an honest fact. Some men who may happen to stumble on my words above will curse me for giving away the unspoken rule of surfing dating sites.What you need to do is make sure you get tested for pregnancy, STDs, and any other problems every single time you have a sexual encounter. I know this is a bit absurd, but - if a man wants casual sex with no strings, it is very likely he may have another woman with whom he has the same agreement. Who knows where he has been?The pregnancy thing is also an issue, no matter how many condoms or pills are involved. unless you are barren and sterilized, there are men who seek no strings attached sex with the intent of impregnating the girl. They will sabotage a condom or take it off while having sex, just to make sure they are able to fill you up (literally).If you are a woman who is willing to have sex with guys without commitment, you need to do one of two things:1. Give me a call because I'm "one of those guys" -- yes, I am. (I'm on facebook - lol)2. Do not have sex with a guy unless he has spent a good solid week or month getting to know you and is willing to commit to an ongoing relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 April 2012):
I think this has to do with the "where" mostly. OkCupid and plentyoffish have a reputation for casual encounter seekers. Looking at clubs and bars reap pretty much the same result.
Part of it may also be in your presentation. I'm not judging you at all since I don't know you, but there's a possibility that a wardrobe upgrade might be a good idea too. I'm not saying that you're dressing inappropriately. I'm saying that it might be a good idea to consider dressing a little older than you might be doing.
You're 18-21, and you're leaving the land of high school, going into college and beyond, and I don't know what your major is going to be. Bringing your wardrobe up to your age and even possibly a little older will attract and convey a more serious and mature image, which will attract men with more permanent ambitions than a one-night's stand.
Otherwise, you might consider get-togethers that focus on your interests, because if there's one thing relationships form on, it's common interests.
...............................
|
