A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a question for men. Why do you get in relationships? I'm not just talking about the companionship aspect. A lot of women seem to ask questions about porn and or strip clubs and their boyfriends/husbands using or going to them. Some women, the ones that I know anyway, feel like they aren’t enough. Obviously the average woman can’t compare to those women and for a lot of men, not all. We, their wives/girlfriends, will never meet that standard. If you have porn to watch or strip clubs to go to, why get in a relationship? Especially if you know the woman doesn’t agree with both clubs and porn or won’t live up to your standards physically? xo-I am not judging or lumping all men and women together. I am curious as to how the answers will turn out. xoxo
View related questions:
porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to those who answered! As for dmartin89, you obviously didn't read the whole question word for word or you wouldn't have freaked out the way you did. Calm down, it was just a question. Don't get your panties in a bunch. xoxoxo
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): "Why do you get in relationships?"
For the same reasons women do.
"Some women, the ones that I know anyway, feel like they aren’t enough"
OP some just never think they're enough and it has nothing to do with porn or strippers. A hell of a lot of women just think they're not thin enough, not young enough, have too many wrinkles, have too much cellulite etc. That's nothing to do with us guys that's their own insecurities.
"Obviously the average woman can’t compare to those women and for a lot of men, not all."
OP it is those women that compare themselves to these actresses and models etc. We guys don't. Why would we be with a woman is we thought there was better out there,most of us aren't the type who will just settle because we can't get better, we want you, every part of you and you are more then enough for us even if you worry that you're not. If you ever find a guy that tells you you're not enough or tells you you're fat then you must dump that dick at the first time he says anything like that.
"If you have porn to watch or strip clubs to go to, why get in a relationship?"
If you have posters, CD's and videos of Justin Beiber, Usher or whomever you deem to be your favourite star who sings love songs, makes you feel special etc. then why get in relationship? I doubt you'll find many guys who will compare to them in terms of body, money, success or fame. Why do you need a guy to make you feel special when you have their love songs? Simple really isn't it? You don't really compare guys that you love to those guys because there is no comparison to make. You may have a boyfriend that is slightly chubby, works for little money, is short and/or is not very successful but he can still have all the qualities that you love in a guy, he can still be very desirable to you and make you feel great about yourself can't he? You wouldn't look at him and somehow feel disappointed that he doesn't have top ten hits or washboard abs because at the end of the day you love who you love and you wouldn't be with him if he wasn't the right guy for you. Well OP we guys are the same. We can see a beautiful naked woman, appreciate that beauty and still think our girlfriends are prettier.
I mean my girlfriend is short, has a bit of excess weight, cellulite, stretch marks, a couple of moles, small boobs; all things that women think are signs of ugliness but most us guys don't view those things the same way and in fact she is the most beautiful, desirable and sexy woman in the world to me. You could offer me ten Jessica Albas and I wouldn't swap.
"Especially if you know the woman doesn’t agree with both clubs and porn or won’t live up to your standards physically?"
Porn stars aren't our standards OP, they're just woman with nice bodies that are pleasing to look at. I mean do you see Hugh Jackman topless or Daniel Craig and refuse to ever date a guy who doesn't have that physique? Why not? Simple because while you like the look of that kind of body you're not transfixed on it as the only type of body you will accept.
OP girls need to stop projecting their superficial competitive bullshit onto us guys, we're not the same at all. You may wish you had the body and beauty of Jessica Alba but we don't wish you had that, we want you exactly as you are because you're already perfect. If you want to feel bad that you don't look like her then don't punish us guys for that. We think she's pretty in the exact same way you do but we still think you're prettier because you're the woman we are with.
Porn, strip clubs, they're just a show OP, and unreal fantasy. We guys like to look at women naked, I'm sure you're aware of that right? It doesn't really matter who the woman is the female body is a beautiful thing, even women appreciate the beauty of the female form in its finest just as they appreciate the male form.
If you're friends are comparing themselves to porn stars and strippers then that's their problem, to us there is no comparison, our real wives and girlfriends win every single time.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 I am a woman, but I really think that men too would answer the same : because it's not the same thing. It's like comparing apples and oranges.
Believe it or not, visual and sexual stimulation are not the be all and end all of everything for both genders.
Not all men are into porn and strip clubs , but those who are get a momentary gratification from it, that 's not even near enough to fulfill ALL of their needs,as a real life relationship can do.
Believe it or not, men's life is not all about ogling girls or jerking off. They may like that ( and let's not discuss here if they are right or wrong in liking that, it would be too long ) but they also, and more, like friendship, companionship, tenderness, affection, common interests, romance, passion, conversation, emotional support , family pursuits , closeness, intimacy, camaraderie, and probably another hundred things that just looking at pretty tits cannot give them.
You may feel that going to strip clubs or watching porn is not appropriate for committed guys, and that they should stop if their partners asks them,- and again, that would be a long debate which won't reach a consensus anytime soon.
But from that, to decide that who likes looking at pretty girls with hot bodies should forever forsake having a normal life with real people, well, it's a huge stretch.
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Women feel like they arnt enough because of their own shitty self esteem problems...this has NOT got anything to do with the behaviour and choices of their partner.
"Obviously the average woman can’t compare to those women and for a lot of men, not all. We, their wives/girlfriends, will never meet that standard." - Wtf? Are you so shallow and full of self loathing that you think that strippers and porn actresses are infinately better than every other average person in the world?
This is a problem with trust and the fear that your relationship will not survive if your partner lays eyes on an attractive woman. Why do so many woman think "Oh no, if he's watching porn or going to a strip club that means I am ugly and he doesnt find me attractive" Why does it have to be one or the other? IT IS POSSIBLE TO LOVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND FIND OTHER WOMEN ATTRACTIVE. When you're in a relationship do you become blind? Do you just start seeing every person as being unattractive?
This obsession with controling men, what they should/shouldnt be seeing/going is incredibly unhealthy. If I was a man, just being in the position of having a controling girlfriend would make me want to seek someone else...and no, it's not because you're ugly.
For those women who want a man who NEVER watches porn, appreciates the beauty of another woman or goes to a bar/club where there might be scantily clad women...get ready for a life of passing through many relationships.
Funnily enough, not all men like porn or going to strip clubs. Those who do want to be in relationships for the same reason every other man/woman does. There seems to be a law in society that says "If you're in a relationship you are not allowed to watch porn, look at other women, find other people attractive, fancy a person other than your partner". And if you fit outside this box then you are betraying your partner and you are a really bad person. I think it's time to tear up this "law" so we arnt restricting ourselves or our partners from being a stifled human being. Or there is just resentment.
You dont like porn or strip clubs? Fair enough, but dont push your beliefs and insecurities onto every other person as assume they feel the same way you do. I AM A WOMAN AND I LIKE PORN. I LIKE CHECKING OUT PRETTY WOMEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND. I am also secure enough to know that when he leaves the house and talks to hot women, he's not plotting his escape from me. "Oh no, he's talking to another woman who is more attractive than me, he must think i'm ugly and boring and he'd obviously much rather be with her than me because he's out talking to her and not me!" NO...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): I think men want a relationship as much as women, for companionship and love, comfort, commonality! Many things make a guy happy with a woman. I have my own few kinks, while the woman I am in love with… doesn’t. It’s a fantasy! Weather it be porn or the strip club, I don’t believe it’s a competition. All guys have fantasized about having to women at the same time. Most men never do, and would never want to share someone they love with someone else. But the fantasy remains! Human nature, you always want more. People are multi faceted, and no one is perfect!
...............................
A
male
reader, tottenhamhotspur  +, writes (23 April 2012):
I'm going to answer this as best I can from my perspective.
my girlfriend is not 'skinny', but she is not big by any means. She often comments that she is 'fat' or jokingly says I must be a 'chubby chaser'. What she doesn't understand is how beautiful she actually is and how little the fact that she doesn't look like a boring supermodel makes me more, not less interested in her.
I don't know why some men need to look to porn/strippers, etc. To me, even women who look 'good' to me, aren't sexually attractive. Only my girlfriend really does that for me.
I don't have 'standards' when it comes to a woman or my g/f. What she is is perfect for me, and if I didn't find her attractive, I wouldn't be with her.
I think some men have grown accustomed to having variety and using their lust to grow sexual attraction- and for a long while I was likely the same way when I used porn/etc. as a stimulant sexually. Now I have replaced that with something I find more appealing to me at this point in my life- the relationship I am developing with my girlfriend. To me, there is no greater turn on then knowing that her and I are 100% into one another, and not interested in comparing each other to models or strippers or whatever.
...............................
|
