A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do (guy) cheaters cheat with women who are usually not as attractive, as accomplished or usually not as affectionate? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 December 2010):
Oops sorry guys. I had two questions open in my browser and answered the wrong one! So you can ignore my reply, OP.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (13 December 2010):
On the one hand I commend you for having so much trust in him. On the other I hope you're not being conned here. If you ever catch that little voice in the back of your head saying that something's not right, listen to it. Your gut tends to be spot on with these things. So keep your eyes open and do not throw all your money at him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Now that you've filled in the picture a bit on yourself.
Well, you are probably "hot" and "smart" to say the least, at least to a passerby in the mall, and he probably feels that he can't measure up in some way. With her, he probably felt that he was "superior", and this really boosted his self esteem.
Sound crazy? Happens all the time.
My wife did the same thing years ago. She met a guy who didn't support his family (his wife did mostly), who was uneducated (she and I are both highly educated but I make 4 times as much as she does), who wasn't a very nice guy (although he was a bit to the handsome side), and liked him as a "friend". He got the hots for her. This made her feel good.
She felt "inferior" at home (although we had a good relationship, she never felt she measured up intellectually or looks wise although she is one of the most intellectually stimulating people I've ever met and is very attractive...but she kept her feelings hidden very deep and they only came out in counseling). I wasn't verbally or physically abusive, took her to dinner weekly, hired baby sitters, complimented her (and was utterly devoted to her to be honest).
He told her she was "hot", "sexy", "smart", and she felt better having him tell her that than me.
Add a little alcohol, build up some resentments for not being "as smart", "as attractive", at home, and it started.
Men and women do this. It pumps them up, and it tears down the person they have the resentments against, even if those resentments aren't fair.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): When a woman is desperate or feeling insecure she is more likely to kiss his ass and be grateful for even the slightest crumb. She will be 'over the top' at the smallest gesture or sign of affection.
My husband had an affair and it kind of shocked me who he cheated with. She was married, the same age as me, functionally illiterate, in a 'bad' marriage, overweight, and not all that great looking. She is a hillbilly (for lack of a better word) living in the back hills of coal country in Kentucky. I'm a New York metro girl. This woman gave free phone sex, sex chats, and met him in hotels during her lunch hour.
An attractive woman (unless completely mental) wouldn't do this. Attractive women are used to being pursued. Single or married, if a man suggested I meet him in a hotel for sex as the 'date' I'd probably slap him in the face and walk away.... I've never been a piece of ass.
I can't imagine meeting someone at a hotel... No other encounter other than to show up for sex. I'm sorry, but that is pretty lame.
'Easy' women are labeled 'easy' for a reason...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): some guys feel threatened by succeseful women, stupidly. Also some women get big headed and a maybe this guy wants someone down to earth.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 December 2010):
 I don't think that men cheat with unattractive women as such. However, it is possible that women who perceive themselves to be unattractive, unaccomplished etc might have poorer self esteem. This would put them at risk of getting into cheating situations of being the mistress because they lack the self respect to say no and demand a normal, healthy relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 December 2010):
 Men who cheat often have a lovely capable and attractive wife at home. And men could never cheat as easily if more women said no to them. Sadly so many women delude themselves that the man will leave his wife, when he has NO intention of ever doing so. For their 'extra dalliance' men often choose women who are easier to get. These other women are only temporary for the married man, so he does not have to care if she'll be a good hostess and a good mother to his children. And men choose women who are likely to be grateful for the attention. Meaning they are often less attractive than the wife. They choose women who are less demanding in that the other woman will try not to pressure the married man too much in the hope he will decide to leave the wife and marry her. For being less demanding than the wife. Wrong, he gets benefits from his wife that he wants to keep. And men choose women who would really like to be married, to providea father to the woman's existing children.But one thing the mistress will usually try to do is outdo the wife sexually. A mistress is cheaper for the average husband than a prostitute. It is only if he chooses to make his extra woman into his paramour (concurrent wife) that he will then spend up big on a house, regular income, holidays etc. This will indicates that the benefits of the paramour exceed the benefits of the wife, in the husband's view. Whereas, for most, a woman on the side for the man will find that she funds herself, lives by herself or with her children and just gets the occasional gift. She is meant to be available on demand at any time and any day of the week at the beck and call of the husband, for SEX. Thus she is treated as closer to an unpaid prostitute by the cheating man. So she will try to differentiate herself from the wife by doing things she hopes the wife refuses to do. Such as anal, cum all over her face, swallowing, dirtier talk than she thinks the wife will allow, and any other fetish the husband want to try. She is temporary so she has to try harder sexually.The mistress will not say to much.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for the answers. Just to make sure I am clear, I found her on facebook and showed all my friends both male and female and they all said she looks like Gonzo from the muppets (but her skin isn't blue) I am not Angelina Jolie but just received a modeling contract with FORD models, I have my Masters Degree, she has a high school diploma, she has been divorced and has an 8 year old daughter. I am a sports junkie, we never would fight, we would disagree but we only got into 2 major arguments in 5 years. We would laugh and have fun and all of a sudden I find he had been cheating with her for 4 months (according to her...I confronted her.) He kept saying he loved me to the day I told him I didn't want him in my life. But I still think of it from time to time. I was always worried about really good looking women, and I am sure she is a nice lady, butWTH?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): I find it reflecting to myself even as a woman that, that's what human does what it does.
It's lust, and human get whatever.
Specially those people around other people frequently tends to create spark in between and thus even if one person is married, or in a relationship, one's cannot stop the feeling of lust.
There are men and women out there that's low in moral and shallow with their feelings, but once they woke up from these fantasies, they know it's wrong.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Because getting sex is not as easy for men as it is for women. When you get your mind around the fact that men have to WORK for it and keep a partner impressed, it makes perfect sense. Then you realize why messing around with a less desirable partner is fun for them. It's just flat-out easier on them compared to chasing and keeping a woman at the top edge of what they can reach. Their wife or normal GF was probably the highest they could reach and they have to stay on their toes to keep her.
...............................
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (12 December 2010):
If she has a vagina then that's all she needs to have in order to cheat. A guy can hate you, but still have sex you. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What you see as ugly someone else may think she hot...like your guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tizzie0612 +, writes (12 December 2010):
 I believe its because some men find it easier to get all they want from a women that is not as attractive/accomplished/affectionate as their partners.For a women of those qualities are willing to tend to that mans every need and will.As for a women with those opposite qualities she has more self esteem and power.My guess is that sometimes intimidates a man thus it might turn him off a little depending on the type of person he is.Some men need to feel in control of everything and will resort to cheating at times for a women whom they can fufill that sensation of having control.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Because he doesn't have to flaunt her in front of anyone. A mistress is a prostitute persued for her meat behind closed doors. Men don't have to worry about being teased about her mug or career status. She knows her place.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): I don't think that they necessarily do.
They do declaim the qualities of the people they cheat with afterward, particularly if they are trying to preserve their marriages.
However, reality is that they cheat for their own internal reasons, and much of what is said later has to be taken with a grain of salt.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): maybe because the other woman has a better personality or is not as much of a bitch as the wife
...............................
|
