A
female
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*ELLULAH
writes:Hi all,Would like your thoughts on this subject.Why do men change when they have been with you for a few years?.I remember when we first used to kiss and cuddle and it was like melting in his arms. The sex was the best ever, and we couldnt leave each other alone. He would open doors, for me and really treat me like a lady. He would constantly tell me how much he loved me and always complemented me on how I looked. Genrally he was proud to be with me.So why does it change?.I tell him I love him, and how great he is, and the best he can do is nod and say, I KNOW. I now have to ask for cuddles.I got really worried and told him I thought he didnt love me, and if thats the case he should leave me. He asked me in front of his mates, was I throwing him out. He then said to me, "I would Die if you left me". I thought that was so sweet I had a tear in my eye, until I heard him say " I cant cook, I will starve to death".It's funny I know, and I did laugh. But when I said to him later that night, why have you changed. He said "it's natural, I have you now so I dont have to try to impress you anymore".I asked why the lust has gone, and he says its replaced with a much deeper love.(what a croc)I think its just lazyness, what do you all think?. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dojha +, writes (5 June 2007):
 Hi Tellulah
I know what you mean and I have been there before.
I dont think your guy is just lazy but the problem is that you just dont make him jump like you used to. the fact that he is still with you shows that he does care about you but honey, you've got work to do! You need to take control.
start dressing as sexy as ever,lose the baggy tees and trainers and wear sexy stilletos, skinny jeans and nice body hugging tops. that's the first step.
Now stop telling him how much you love him and dont wait for him to say it either, you both know this already. with your new look, he is bound to chase you all over again. as much as possible, try to pay less attention to him and let him be the one to try and seek your attention. so dont call him to tell him where you are, let him call you when he's worried about you and when he does, make sure you soothe him like a baby to prevent arguments.
Men usually dont like it when women worry a lot so stop asking him questions and have fun together. laugh a lot and maintain a carefree attitude.
Tellulah, the love is still there so just work on returning the passion. Its all about PASSION!!!!
hope this helps
Dojha.
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (24 May 2007):
TELLULAH is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi,
Thanks you lot, your great.
Although I do try to surprise him, and I always try to dress nice for him. He has definatly got used to me fawning over him. And there lies the problem.
I need to make him realise, I am worth the effort he should make. I love him dearly, and I am sure he does me really. He just has this funny way of showing it.
You know something girls, none of my mates stand there while we are out, giving it "charlie big banana's" (my sons words), at how lucky there men are to have them. Why is it once a guy gets a girl, he suddenly thinks he turns into some kind of GOD.They are funny arn't they. You have to laugh, every one knows God was a woman really.
Thanks again for brightening my dull day XXXXX
And thanks to the Guys, I am sure you would never treat your ladies this way XXX
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A
female
reader, mercedes34  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 There is lazyness between both parties...However, from my point of view and yes I have had many relationship that have gone sour..But, when that happened I spiced it up real quick..Not saying that you yourself should have give a 100% because that would not be fair...Have confidence in what you are doing, wheither it be to the store or to the park..Carry it about you..Don't question him cause it will lead you back to where you are now..But, show him with body language...Let him know that you are sexy and let him know that you don't have to be there...Almost demand his attention..But not say it..
Trust me all men will notice..If you feel sexy yourself...In the bedroom as well..Take charge..Let him know what he can and can't do..Not with words..
Hope this helps some...
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Watch this (short) video:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/16
It offers an intriguing scientific explanation to your question
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (23 May 2007):
 With anything in life, things are exciting at first. After a while of seeing the same thing over and over, the flame dies. The problem that I see with most couples is that they would rather spend more time thinking about it, or arguing about it, than doing something about it. If you want things to change, take control of the situation for a little while. When he gets in the door, jump on him and shut out the lights. Tell him that if wants more of the same, he's going to be more spontaneous and sweet. As far as his joke, he was probably being serious, but then remembered that his friends were there, so he had to cover it up with something macho. If he said that there's a much deeper love now, it means that he's not going anywhere anytime soon. He sounds like he's going to stand by you.
He's done his share of impressing you, so it's your turn. Wear something that's going to make his tongue roll out of his mouth...
Everything will be fine.
DV1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): You know, Tellulah...I tend to agree with you. It is laziness and complacency. There is no othe sensible rationale or reason for such behavior. But I have to state, that this type of behavior afflicts both genders. Women get lazy, as well. It's just that us females tend to talk about it more when it's the man that is doing it to us. As for the guys, it could also have to do with past experiences in his life. Some men do come from families and/or prior relationships where the females (re: mother/old girlfriends) did everything for them and he never had to appreciate what was done for him. If he learnt to be emotionally lazy in his dealings with women in his past, then a gal has to reeducate him but it must be done gently and tempered with a lot of love. I always suggest women try the subtle approach first. I think explaining to him, how you feel and that you want an equal relationship based on mutual respect; perhaps asking him to offer some input on ways that you can achieve this. Make it clear that the relationship belongs to both of you and you want to work as a team. But what's most important for women in this situation to do? She must always, always continue to respect herself and not do everything for him. They need to work as a team. They need to both be aware of the boredom..and both work together, resolving the issue. If the idea of women's love for her b/f, is a woman sacrifices herself totally for him and he’s not getting that, he could be feeling insecure in this relationship also. He should be taught that over time, love isn’t self-sacrifice or self-abuse but trust, respect and opening the channels of honest communication. If you respect yourself and stick to your guns, he will come to respect you. There’s no other way to gain it. The same way works for males who are having the same problems with their female partners. Just my opinion.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Hi Tellulah, I know what you mean. I'm a guy and I guess we just get complacent in a relationship when you ladies don't keep us on our toes... although I've also seen this happening to woman in a relationship. I think the thing is to make sure that you have your own life, your own friends, interests and passions. Obviously you both still have to share family, joint friends and the more important things and also make sure that the sex does not become routine. The happiest couples I've observed seem to have this type of formula so there must be something in it. I guess the more confident, independent and sexy you are will always keep your partners interest levels high. I’m sure you’ll get back into the swing of things. Take care and keep up the good writing. Cheers D.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Nicola79 has given you very sound advice and I couldn't agree more.
It is the norm in most relationships that we become settled and content. The constant striving to impress our new bf or gf becomes getting home in time for tea or making sure we are their for the kids school clubs or football practice etc.
It is the routine of life I guess.
There is nothing wrong in spicing things up though, a little role playing in the bedroom or surprising him in some way, you initiate something and he will follow your lead.
Change the routine for a week and see what happens.
We are all guilty of just falling into the mundane way of living but if we want more excitement then we have to make it happen.
I don't know how old you are but we are never too old for fun but sometimes we forget that inside all of us is a child and we like doing daft things.
Why not go to an amusement park or go out clubbing for a change - something that reminds you both of your youth or what you used to like doing before you were a couple.
Go ten pin bowling, hiking up a moutain, or jumping out of an aeroplane, you get my drift.
You have to take life by the horns and just enjoy it, we only have so long to live so make the most of it eh!!
There are always 2 people in any relationship and if one of them is a little lazy then the other one has to kick them up the backside, even in a nice way.
Best of luck.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (23 May 2007):
 ohh i dont know. he must love you otherwise he would have gone by now. i do understand what you mean though,but i think after being with a partner for a long time you do loose some of that "oh i wonder what he is gonna do for me tonight" and that is because we get to know eachother and i think we just get used to the fact that they will be ther for us,even if we do get a bit set in our ways.
why dont you arrange and book a night out and supprise him?
i know in a perfect world we want them to be spontanious but it doesnt always do like that.
talk to him,if you fancy a bit of hanky panky then you start it,and make sure he enjoys it. then maybe it will make him understand what it used tobe like?
i hope everything goes ok.xxxxxxxx
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